ladidabi
Losing all hope is freedom.
- Mar 19, 2023
- 57
I grew up with rythm games - and I still do play it - but much less.
Tried listening to some music after a shower, and I feel this intense anxious feeling. It's the same feeling you get attempting to do a task that requires focus, and you have a crowd watching, and screaming for you to finish said task. For context I did nothing today as I'm on break, and just staying inside. It's been going on gradually since around 2022.
I enjoy all kinds of music. Most of my teenage years were spent listening to screamo or metalcore (very edgy, I know). I can't enjoy any of that anymore. Even the songs that are supposed to be cozy, calm. Hell, instrumentals can at times be more stressful and almost eery.
Sometimes I play Moonrider on VR, but to a much less degree than before. The game causes stress, but I enjoyed the dancing bit. But I can't even enjoy it like I used to, my brain gets so overwhelmed and exhausted I just have to stop after 20-30 minutes - whereas back then I'd play till the headset died.
Music was my way of distraction growing up. The hurt and loneliness I've been through weren't as prevalent when I had my heaphones on. My family still sometimes laugh it off during the time I had almost 24/7, from ≈ 12-17 years old - a black beanie and headphones blasting music, sometimes even at night while I sleep. It was my way of making so much noise in my head that it could block out the pain.
I don't know what is causing this. The silence is stressful, music isn't as enjoyable and I can't listen to it most of the time. Even when I do, I lost all emotions I used to get back in the day. I need noise to stay calm, so I usually listen to ambient sounds, that works. Suddenly music feels so alien, and at times the same feeling I get as hearing sounds or songs in reverse. It doesn't hit the same way it used to, now it's all bad. It affects my creativity as well. I just feel I am becoming more and more bland, it's sad. I become overwhelmed faster over the smallest things. What's the point anymore?
Tried listening to some music after a shower, and I feel this intense anxious feeling. It's the same feeling you get attempting to do a task that requires focus, and you have a crowd watching, and screaming for you to finish said task. For context I did nothing today as I'm on break, and just staying inside. It's been going on gradually since around 2022.
I enjoy all kinds of music. Most of my teenage years were spent listening to screamo or metalcore (very edgy, I know). I can't enjoy any of that anymore. Even the songs that are supposed to be cozy, calm. Hell, instrumentals can at times be more stressful and almost eery.
Sometimes I play Moonrider on VR, but to a much less degree than before. The game causes stress, but I enjoyed the dancing bit. But I can't even enjoy it like I used to, my brain gets so overwhelmed and exhausted I just have to stop after 20-30 minutes - whereas back then I'd play till the headset died.
Music was my way of distraction growing up. The hurt and loneliness I've been through weren't as prevalent when I had my heaphones on. My family still sometimes laugh it off during the time I had almost 24/7, from ≈ 12-17 years old - a black beanie and headphones blasting music, sometimes even at night while I sleep. It was my way of making so much noise in my head that it could block out the pain.
I don't know what is causing this. The silence is stressful, music isn't as enjoyable and I can't listen to it most of the time. Even when I do, I lost all emotions I used to get back in the day. I need noise to stay calm, so I usually listen to ambient sounds, that works. Suddenly music feels so alien, and at times the same feeling I get as hearing sounds or songs in reverse. It doesn't hit the same way it used to, now it's all bad. It affects my creativity as well. I just feel I am becoming more and more bland, it's sad. I become overwhelmed faster over the smallest things. What's the point anymore?
