Venting can't express my feelings verbally even if i try

[crimsonsflower]

i've found it physically impossible to express my feelings verbally anymore. any time i try, nothing comes out. i can only deflect. this is not good at all. i already feel the collapse of most of my relationships with people as it is without the added bonus of not being able to remain open about things. i suppose most of it is due to the collapse of my relationships in of itself, i don't feel like i can rely on anybody anymore and i clam up whenever anyone tries because i don't want to end up getting hurt like i have so many times before.

i just feel so cold inside and everyone around me feels so distant that their warmth is lost to me. i feel like i'm out of reasons to keep trying.

 

[Redacted24]

That's an awful feeling, to have so much you want to say but to feel like you can't share with others safely and a sense of acceptance.
I suspect lots of others here empathize with this. I know I do.
I will say that this community has been a place where I feel I can be open and accepted; folks are generally supportive and often help provide perspective and suggestions in a constructive way. They "get it."
We're all struggling. But it's less awful to struggle together than struggling alone.

 

[vercabow]

i just want to say i completely understand you. i never really learnt how even talk to people from a young age, and i just hide behind a masquerade of shitty jokes so that i come across as friendly or something.

plus, every single attempt i've made to connect with someone with regards to how i'm feeling always ends up being a complete trainwreck. my mom just guilt trips me by making all of this about herself (ie what would everyone think? what would I feel etc). every single psych healthcare professional has been the most apathetic shithead i've ever seen, and for years my friends just see me as a modicum of entertainment rather than a person.

atp i don't think anyone would miss me for me if i disappeared tomorrow, and that belief makes it impossible to break down my walls between everyone else.