Cease to exist - not suicide

[rian 69]

I don't want to find a way to kill myself. I am 69 and have tried to find a way to literally just go to sleep forever. I have no interest or desire to experience the act or any act of suicide or dying and how that might feel, hurt, "see the light".

It has occurred to me a trillion times that I just want out. I don't want to or need to experience dying; I just want to cease to exist. This is not some autoerotic high I'm looking for. If it were otherwise I'd stab myself with something, anything but I don't want that experience. Again, the experience of dying is of no interest to me - I don't want to be here a second longer. It really is that simple.

I know there was some discussion about if you could somehow virtually go through a suicide might that make you rethink things. Well, that did make me rethink what I and I'm guessing pretty much everyone here who wants to not be here is thinking. Please make me not be here. I don't like a noose around my neck; I don't care for any poison. Now I wouldn't mind to experience the "high" of fentanyl before it put me to sleep, but that's not the point. Watching a really good buzz isn't a trade off for what I really want and you really want if you want out - it's simple, you want out.

So please no one else start with the "if you could virtually pretend die would that change your mind about CBD. " It"s not suicide we want or the experience of any form of suicide. It's we don't want to exist here, in this physical time and space. We want to be out of here and would absofuckinglutely, as I sit here and write this, want to close our eyes now and that's it; the end.

The fucking "END"

Love you all.

 

[LunarEc]

I dont get it so you just dont want to exist but at the same time you dont want to commit suicide? is this feeling something you had for a while or is it something you want fixed up? I dont know what to say honestly. Try to get some help for it before you decide anything. I guess you might be severely depressed. I am as well, I feel the same way. Sometimes I dont wish to go with suicide, I just want to not exist but sadly for that to happen I have to cause harm to myself. Some antidepressants help with that feeling tho, Im sort of numb right now cuz im on prozac, give therapy and legally prescribed meds a shot. Hope youll figure it out sooner.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm afraid I can't make heads or tails of this. My understanding is

a) you want cease to exist​

b) you don't want to participate in dyeing or committing suicide​

The physics of human physiology imply that you can't have a) without b). The closest I can think of to achieve the effect your looking for is to minimize the time spent in b), so for example you could

• detonate a nuclear weapon to vaporize you body in seconds
• fire a shotgun to the brain step to die seconds
• use a guillotine to sever the head in seconds
• surround your body with high explosives to disintegrate in seconds

Those options minimize b) but still require it to some degree. The only option I can think that totally eliminates b) is

• learn to meditate until your life force is ejected from your body

I've heard stories that Buddhist monks have done this to commit a form of suicide, but it's never been recorded I doubt it's real.

 

[lost_one]

I know the feeling of, just not wanting to exist, but not wanting to have to face death, but at lass there are only two options to live or to die, no one here will tell you what you should do. Only you can decide that.

Good luck.

 

[rian 69]

I dont get it so you just dont want to exist but at the same time you dont want to commit suicide? is this feeling something you had for a while or is it something you want fixed up? I dont know what to say honestly. Try to get some help for it before you decide anything. I guess you might be severely depressed. I am as well, I feel the same way. Sometimes I dont wish to go with suicide, I just want to not exist but sadly for that to happen I have to cause harm to myself. Some antidepressants help with that feeling tho, Im sort of numb right now cuz im on prozac, give therapy and legally prescribed meds a shot. Hope youll figure it out sooner.

I am 69 and have been to fucking tons of therapists and psychs, tried maybe 8 antidepressants, ketamine, magnets - but Sherlock the "try to get some help" - that's all I"ve done/ did for decades. Yup, clinically depressed and now I'm basically a prisoner in my own home cause I'm interested in nothing or nobody - and it's a disease as in it's gotten worse and worse and for me it's not treatable.

When you write something like "get help" you assume 1) I haven't tried for decades and 2) there's actually help. Newsflash Sherlock - like any treatment resistant disease, there is no help and eventual you die. Watched both my parents die of different cancers but at least with my Mom when it got bad at the end I found a place that would stop her suffering even if it killed her.

Look sorry if you don't understand but please don't come on here and tell me to get help. That shit is bullshit,at least for me. Oh and I mentioned fentanyl it'll kill me (as in end my existence) but like I said, those here and anywhere who want out ideally would like to just go to sleep and not wake up - like my grandma. Or euthanasia like they put your pet down. No red to experience poison or a gunshot through my brain or the anxiety of even planning those things.

 

[AnotherSadDay]

I think I know what you mean. Dying without realizing that you're dying (no pain) , but unfortunately I don't have an answer for that.
Your thread remind me about a scene in The Sopranos where Bobby and Tony are talking about death (being shot) and they mention that probably you don't ever hear or feek when it happens

 

[rian 69]

I'm afraid I can't make heads or tails of this. My understanding is

a) you want cease to exist
b) you don't want to participate in dyeing or committing suicide​

The physics of human physiology imply that you can't have a) without b). The closest I can think of to achieve the effect your looking for is to minimize the time spent in b), so for example you could

• detonate a nuclear weapon to vaporize you body in seconds
• fire a shotgun to the brain step to die seconds
• use a guillotine to sever the head in seconds
• surround your body with high explosives to disintegrate in seconds

Those options minimize b) but still require it to some degree. The only option I can think that totally eliminates b) is

• learn to meditate until your life force is ejected from your body

I've heard stories that Buddhist monks have done this to commit a form of suicide, but it's never been recorded I doubt it's real.

Alright I will try and make this simple. Unless I am fortunate enough to actually go to sleep and just not wake up, I realize that suicide is how it has to be. But my goal is not to experience some, any form of suicide. It's to be dead, deceased. Why do you think everyone here and anywhere who is seriously looking at this is looking for the quickest, most painless way of doing it and with the least pre anxiety, trauma possible. It's not the suicide I want to experience; it's the effect of the suicide. Yes people die of non suicidal events all the time - all right I'm done. Seems like Mensa is taking the night off.

I think I know what you mean. Dying without realizing that you're dying (no pain) , but unfortunately I don't have an answer for that.
Your thread remind me about a scene in The Sopranos where Bobby and Tony are talking about death (being shot) and they mention that probably you don't ever hear or feek when it happens

There actually are answers we're just not allowed in our society to have access. People who accidentally od on say opioids plus whatever didn't commit suicide yet they died. The irony is they weren't trying. The other irony is they got what at least some of us here are hoping for - a painless, quick non violent death where again you basically go to sleep and don't wake up - you simply stop breathing. Enough. Have a good night.

 

[charcoalcat]

I am 69 and have been to fucking tons of therapists and psychs, tried maybe 8 antidepressants, ketamine, magnets - but Sherlock the "try to get some help" - that's all I"ve done/ did for decades. Yup, clinically depressed and now I'm basically a prisoner in my own home cause I'm interested in nothing or nobody - and it's a disease as in it's gotten worse and worse and for me it's not treatable.

When you write something like "get help" you assume 1) I haven't tried for decades and 2) there's actually help. Newsflash Sherlock - like any treatment resistant disease, there is no help and eventual you die. Watched both my parents die of different cancers but at least with my Mom when it got bad at the end I found a place that would stop her suffering even if it killed her.

Look sorry if you don't understand but please don't come on here and tell me to get help. That shit is bullshit,at least for me. Oh and I mentioned fentanyl it'll kill me (as in end my existence) but like I said, those here and anywhere who want out ideally would like to just go to sleep and not wake up - like my grandma. Or euthanasia like they put your pet down. No red to experience poison or a gunshot through my brain or the anxiety of even planning those things.

You know being in a bad situation or depressed doesn't entitle you to be a dick

 

[Life'sA6itch]

I get it. I just want lights out too and have wondered for years why nameless faceless people who truly don't know or care about you, get to withold euthanasia from you. I will never understand why I can put a dog out of it's misery with a trip to the vet or even in home, but cannot do so for myself. I hope you find peace, we are all searching for it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I feel the same really. I expect most people do actually. Given the choice of just instantly ceasing to exist or, risking a possble painful and frightening suicide attempt, which would we choose? I imagine even most normies would prefer not to go through the experience of dying. I doubt it's all that pleasant most of the time.

Still, in order to get the result I want, I don't see any other way- unfortunately. Seems kind of typical in fact, comparing it to the experience of life (for me.) Life has been crammed full of doing things I found unpleasant in the hopes they would prevent even more unpleasant things happening. Working for a living seemed very slightly more appealing than homelessness. Exercise seems like the better option long-term than feeling unfit and gaining loads of weight. There are loads of things I basically force myself to do in order to try and dodge an alternative which I imagine to be worse. Suicide will fall into that category. It will hopefully rescue me from more life here and more life as I age- which I only see as getting worse.

I really wish it was as simple as simply wishing not to exist. No action required. The way I see it though is- even a natural death could well be unpleasant and painful. My suicide will simply be taking the bull by the horns sooner. In the hopes the period of time I suffer will be shorter.

 

[LunarEc]

I am 69 and have been to fucking tons of therapists and psychs, tried maybe 8 antidepressants, ketamine, magnets - but Sherlock the "try to get some help" - that's all I"ve done/ did for decades. Yup, clinically depressed and now I'm basically a prisoner in my own home cause I'm interested in nothing or nobody - and it's a disease as in it's gotten worse and worse and for me it's not treatable.

When you write something like "get help" you assume 1) I haven't tried for decades and 2) there's actually help. Newsflash Sherlock - like any treatment resistant disease, there is no help and eventual you die. Watched both my parents die of different cancers but at least with my Mom when it got bad at the end I found a place that would stop her suffering even if it killed her.

Look sorry if you don't understand but please don't come on here and tell me to get help. That shit is bullshit,at least for me. Oh and I mentioned fentanyl it'll kill me (as in end my existence) but like I said, those here and anywhere who want out ideally would like to just go to sleep and not wake up - like my grandma. Or euthanasia like they put your pet down. No red to experience poison or a gunshot through my brain or the anxiety of even planning those things.

Well sorry then my bad, I just didnt get the gist of it. I thought I relate sorry lol, if you are asking for something that'll make you sleep and not wake up then your best shot is at Nembutal preferably through injection. You wouldn't be able to find it though thats the sad part, I scraped the entire internet for that shit, they're all obvious scams. I say get some Benzodiazepines ( https://chemicalplanet.net/bromazolam ) click the choose option 3mg pellets, choose the highest amount preferably anything that is above 200mgs. After you bought those, get Sodium Nitrite ( www.sinodream.co ), read page 122 on the peaceful pill handbook to know more about that. With the Benzodiazepines unconsciousness should follow around 13 minutes to 30 minutes if taken orally. If somehow you figure a way to pump it in your veins then unconsciousness could follow in just 1 minute, the SN would ensure you wouldn't wake up at all after that. Both of these are very much painless, I myself have been considering them. If you don't like them then you could consider reading more about how to synthesize Nembutal at home. Idk ur 69, you probably got the money for it and time. Im 18 Im also saving up for some easy method. Good luck with whatever you'll be doing and sorry again If I ever bothered u.


edit: I left some important stuff out so please read more into the peaceful pill handbook about both of these sections just to be fully correct sorry again!

 

[rian 69]

You know being in a bad situation or depressed doesn't entitle you to be a dick

Sorry. One of those really bad days and sometimes something's set me off a little. Someone started a thread that maybe you saw about if it was possible for you to virtually suicide but of course you're not really gone do you think you'd be more likely to change your mind about the real thing and almost all the responses were what my initial post said, more or less. It made me think, that's all and I wrote it here. I've got rope - really good rope and it doesn't work on me for whatever reasons. I have no clue how to use the dark web and bitcoin. But the reason this thread wasn't to be a dick, it was simply stating what I see most who actually are ready to leave this life actually want which is why a virtual suicide leading I guess to some kind of virtual death wil have no effect on whether you want out of the real hell you feel your in if you feel that way. I've also written that my observation is most here, like I was for decades, don't want to do it but maybe have some ideations and are just looking for somewhat similar people and not the people in their own lives who just don't get it.

Oh, the thing that always sets me off is when someone says in one form or another ""get help", try therapy or meds. Not saying that can't help other people with MH issues, but I've gone that route over and over and it makes things worse for me I assume cause it not only doesn't work, but manny times it makes things worse and I thought here at least that was sort of taboo. - The whole "get help" pep talk.

Quite frankly, it's being pretty much of a dick when you say that to someone especially when you have no idea what they've done to try and get help in the past. The only thing I haven't tried is psylocibin and that's cause I've aged out of the John's Hopkins trial protocol (its18-65 and I was 66 when I otherwise would've been accepted. They do have some clinics in Oregon now and I even talked to a very nice lady who runs one and she said they are so backed up and I get why.

Anyway, when I hear "get help" or "ask for help" I go straight to someone who is here like on Reddit or something who is just programmed to say that instead of adding something meaningful. So maybe I was being a dick - God knows it wouldn't be the first time - but did you say to the person who said get help that he/she might be being totally insensitive or off base.

BTW - and if your 18 or close to it, you most likely aren't ready to go just don't like yourself or your life (been there but at that age it was temporary in the sense that I had friends and things I enjoyed - but if I wanted I could easily get through someone I knew usually at school pretty much whatever I wanted. It's not just the age difference, maybe it's just at different stages in our lives based on experiences. At 18 as much as some times I hated it I never thought of ending it. Anyway, good night or morning or whatever it is where you're at.