Help Coming out as suicidal to my partner

[vulgareconomics]

So I've only been dating her for a week, so I'm probably going to wait on this, but I have to tell her at some point. How do I explain that I do plan on ending my life at some point when I have adequately prepared for it? I really like her, and I don't want this to mess things up between us. Would especially like to hear from people in poly arrangements.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

I hate to be the one to inform you of this but odds are telling her you are suicidal will fuck up the relationship. It doesn't have to make sense. It's just a reality. Telling her this will most likely scare her, she won't know how to handle it, and she'll unconsciously view you as a freak of nature. It's not that feeling suicidal or having thoughts makes you a freak of nature. I'm pretty sure almost everyone has had feelings or thoughts about suicide at least once in their life. It's just that it's not kosher to talk about it. As much as it may seem "rational" to share this, I would advise against it. You're obviously welcome here though to talk about it.

 

[spanishguy22]

Strong negative. Total turnoff for women

 

[chrijo]

It's pretty tricky. Do you think she can handle it?

I've heard of people getting abandoned for this, for whatever reason.

Anyway, good luck...

 

[feelsbadman]

Bad idea. Don't do this. And you've only been dating a fucking week?! She's gonna dip so fast. You shouldn't even be thinking of telling her at this point. Dude, remember, she's a normal person and is just gonna be like WTF, I didn't sign up for this. Bye.

 

[InkBlot]

Unless shes like minded( you should be able to tell), this is an idea with no positive outcomes for you.

I dont know why youre suicidal, but I know that a relationship may make your life better. Do you wanna ruin that chance by saying "Hey if I wake up and have a bad day, Imma die. Dont miss me too much. Love you babe."

Id even keep depression from her as long as you can. Maybe with time she'll grow to support you 100%, but right now its gonna be a hard no from me on my support for you to tell her.

 

[spanishguy22]

Unless shes like minded( you should be able to tell), this is an idea with no positive outcomes for you.

I dont know why youre suicidal, but I know that a relationship may make your life better. Do you wanna ruin that chance by saying "Hey if I wake up and have a bad day, Imma die. Dont miss me too much. Love you babe."

Id even keep depression from her as long as you can. Maybe with time she'll grow to support you 100%, but right now its gonna be a hard no from me on my support for you to tell her.

Even if they're like minded. They're also putoff and prefer normal guys. Then they treat them like shit and complain ofc
(generally, but not all of them. gonna quit red pill before I trigger some woman here)

 

[Jolene40]

Do not do it! I understand saying that you have suffered / do suffer with depression but definitely don't talk about any thoughts of suicide at all. It is abhorrent and alien to most people - apart from others who are just as suicidal. The likelihood is she isn't of that mindset. I think she will do a runner and you will feel even worse

 

[JadedGray]

Unfortunately, this rarely turns out well even though you have good intentions by wanting to be honest and give her a heads up.

 

[Yelkovan]

I wouldn't do it. People think lowly of suicidal individuals and want nothing to do with them. It's terrible but it's the reality.

 

[Egddios]

My partner and I both have PTSD and I'm brutally honest with him regarding my desire to end my life. He's supportive in the sense he doesn't call the cops on me or become hysterical or try forcing me into a hospital. He struggles with his own thoughts of wanting to end his own life.

We love and care for each other very much; it's bittersweet. I appreciate all the time we do get to spend together; he knows I've had multiple attempts and still treats me like a human being.

Rare.

 

[GeorgeJL]

You need to make up your mind whether you want her or don't. Because trust me telling her will totally spoil your chances with her. It will be a deal breaker and if it's not then it's only a matter of time before she realizes that she can't be with you. And if she stays with you then she is a unicorn, meaning a very rare one.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hate to be the one to inform you of this but odds are telling her you are suicidal will fuck up the relationship. It doesn't have to make sense. It's just a reality. Telling her this will most likely scare her, she won't know how to handle it, and she'll unconsciously view you as a freak of nature. It's not that feeling suicidal or having thoughts makes you a freak of nature. I'm pretty sure almost everyone has had feelings or thoughts about suicide at least once in their life. It's just that it's not kosher to talk about it. As much as it may seem "rational" to share this, I would advise against it. You're obviously welcome here though to talk about it.

1000 % AGREE !!! Especially since you have only been dating a week. I don't even date. I am hoping to CTB soon anyway.
Even though I have wanted to do it for years … I'm hoping I will finally have the guts to do it this year.

Strong negative. Total turnoff for women

For ANYONE !!! Especially someone you just started dating.

My partner and I both have PTSD and I'm brutally honest with him regarding my desire to end my life. He's supportive in the sense he doesn't call the cops on me or become hysterical or try forcing me into a hospital. He struggles with his own thoughts of wanting to end his own life.

We love and care for each other very much; it's bittersweet. I appreciate all the time we do get to spend together; he knows I've had multiple attempts and still treats me like a human being.

Rare.

You are very lucky to have someone so understanding. That is the exception … most people aren't unless like you said it's something they struggle with as well.

 

[WolfgangA]

You like her and you would like to be your true self to her, even if its for a moment. If this is the case, Its a nice sentiment.
I understand everyone have their own way of showing their love and affection. For example, before buying a gift for a loved one, some people thinks "What would they like/want?" then there are others who gets what they think is "right" for their loved one and ofocourse there are other approaches/paths but this will suffice I think.
I don't think I am capable of directly answering whether you should reveal your possible intent to her.

There are so many things to consider but to name a few ...
In terms of relationship levels, do you think you're both on the same level?
Regardless of that, do you think she's like minded or atleast would try to understand?
If she isn't like minded, would you be able to handle it?
Could she not being understanding result in you being put under observation or psych ward or similar (she might do it out of love, like every other person out there).
If she's indeed like minded and understands and respects your wishes, it might still result in putting a heavy burden on her.
Provided she understands and is supportive of your choice, by informing them, you might be putting them in a awkward position with law and sometimes they might go as far as to try to persecute her (depending on specifics ofcourse).

And a lot more can be said but I think this explains to some extent and perhaps this might assist you in some way.
Whatever you decide, hope it works out for you.

 

[vaulthunter]

My partner and I both have PTSD and I'm brutally honest with him regarding my desire to end my life. He's supportive in the sense he doesn't call the cops on me or become hysterical or try forcing me into a hospital. He struggles with his own thoughts of wanting to end his own life.

We love and care for each other very much; it's bittersweet. I appreciate all the time we do get to spend together; he knows I've had multiple attempts and still treats me like a human being.

Rare.

your relationship sounds a lot like my boyfriend and i. he understands that i have bpd, depression, and whatever else, and when im having an episode or im crashing after being manic for a week or im so suicidal i can't breathe, its him who holds me while i sob. i can't imagine what it feels like to love someone volatile like i, when they are candid about the fact they will kill themselves one day. i know thats his biggest fear, but he stays. ive never had anything like this before—it is truly rare indeed.

 

[drakewantstogo]

I told my boyfriend that I wanted to die one day since he was the one I trusted the most and just needed some comfort... He made me feel guilty and was very mad at me, then he didn't talk to me in three days and then he broke up with me