thronesick
i am a hive walking
- Jan 2, 2025
- 23
how do you come to terms with suicide in your last days?
hii guys i just joined i just wanted to vent. not that anyone cares or is willing to listen or read. but when given free will why the fuck not. i do want to apologize in advance though for the uncalled for over sharing. i started therapy in november i think i'm not sure why i did. actually, i do but the reasoning is troubling to grapple with. i knew i was gonna kill myself soon. after winter break. id spend time with my family across the states and commit somehow once i got back. i suppose i wanted to be coddled and reassured. i wanted to talk about my feelings but what was silly is that how could someone reassure me on something i've affirmed for myself. i obsessed over suicide. every night, morning, hour, and minute. my therapist told me it's suicidal ideation just before she referred me to higher up care and ghosted me. i've been obsessing over it since i was 11 when i took a whole bottle of migraine pills throughout a school day and hoped i would just die. i was suffering from ptsd diagnosed with clinical depression and put on prozac but since that pathetic and well.. laughable attempt i convinced myself in 7th grade that i would not reach adulthood because the world would end right before. it only took me 6 years to realize the world wasn't ending and i would just have to end it myself. i'm so immensely grateful to find a space where suicide is not considered an anomaly and people have helped each other find peace in the end. death should be a comfort if we all face it. i think what's insane is that others judge when someone doesn't offer anything to society, when someone isn't motivated and doesn't have goals and aspirations. they hate to see someone become a failure but they're alarmed by someone wanting to kill themselves for it. i'm burdened by a version of myself that i cannot become and condemned by society for my shortcomings but they recoil at the thought of me surrendering it.
hii guys i just joined i just wanted to vent. not that anyone cares or is willing to listen or read. but when given free will why the fuck not. i do want to apologize in advance though for the uncalled for over sharing. i started therapy in november i think i'm not sure why i did. actually, i do but the reasoning is troubling to grapple with. i knew i was gonna kill myself soon. after winter break. id spend time with my family across the states and commit somehow once i got back. i suppose i wanted to be coddled and reassured. i wanted to talk about my feelings but what was silly is that how could someone reassure me on something i've affirmed for myself. i obsessed over suicide. every night, morning, hour, and minute. my therapist told me it's suicidal ideation just before she referred me to higher up care and ghosted me. i've been obsessing over it since i was 11 when i took a whole bottle of migraine pills throughout a school day and hoped i would just die. i was suffering from ptsd diagnosed with clinical depression and put on prozac but since that pathetic and well.. laughable attempt i convinced myself in 7th grade that i would not reach adulthood because the world would end right before. it only took me 6 years to realize the world wasn't ending and i would just have to end it myself. i'm so immensely grateful to find a space where suicide is not considered an anomaly and people have helped each other find peace in the end. death should be a comfort if we all face it. i think what's insane is that others judge when someone doesn't offer anything to society, when someone isn't motivated and doesn't have goals and aspirations. they hate to see someone become a failure but they're alarmed by someone wanting to kill themselves for it. i'm burdened by a version of myself that i cannot become and condemned by society for my shortcomings but they recoil at the thought of me surrendering it.
I'll give you your 1st tip, don't ever discuss suicide outside of this site! People will listen but they will never accept it and will report you.
