Discussion Concept of "Vacation"

[GoSan1]

I just came back from a vacation with my Mother and little brother, in which we went to Spain for 10 days. The vacation would have never been possible without my financial support, which was one reason I probably haven't taken my own life yet. But a Vacation is nothing else besides being in a different place with different activities than one is used to doing. The only special thing was that I realized just how lonely I truly am by seeing all these pairs as if it were a completely normal and easy thing to find someone's soulmate.

Vacation in itself is kinda a cruel concept, even as a "normal" person. To escape the stress and to relax for a while, just to one day come back to all that work and stress again, as if charging a phone just to use it again. Repeated until the phone (person) dies out. Now, for me, it was just a realization that no matter where I am, life wouldn't magically be better. Yet these people have smiles in their eyes, they party around without any care for anything besides having fun and "shutting off".

Maybe this is a sign that there truly isn't any salvation for me?
How have your "vacations" been?

(P.S. I always find my way to make these posts whenever I succumb to lust. I'm really fucked in the head to use these posts to make myself feel better...)

 

[Cauliflour]

I like routine and I can't live for more than 3 days without my computer so the concept of a holiday to me is just doing what I usually do but now half of my computer setup is gone and is on a cramped vanity table and also I'm obliged to go in the sun more. I like seeing new locations but this autism gets agitated if the status quo changes too much. I don't feel more relaxed, in fact I feel more tense ironically. I see holidays as more of a mandatory mental health thing that's really a placebo because I am so disconnected from my feelings that unless I'm about to burn out, I don't really feel stress. I can't just sit back and do nothing all day in the sun: I need to be doing something...

There's this annoying nagging feeling I feel if I stick to my schedule too much that I'm gonna burn out and that I should make the most of my environment more like go outside and then when I put that into my schedule it nags again even though it's the same bloody part of the brain that wants a schedule in the first place. It's not an ADHD combo: I think it's societal norms of "going with the flow" and just chilling and the idea that schedules mean burn out and I can't tell if I'm burnt out I'm sorry this was a post on holidays and I've rambled on about fucking autism again.

 

[GoSan1]

View attachment 175490I like routine and I can't live for more than 3 days without my computer so the concept of a holiday to me is just doing what I usually do but now half of my computer setup is gone and is on a cramped vanity table and also I'm obliged to go in the sun more. I like seeing new locations but this autism gets agitated if the status quo changes too much. I don't feel more relaxed, in fact I feel more tense ironically. I see holidays as more of a mandatory mental health thing that's really a placebo because I am so disconnected from my feelings that unless I'm about to burn out, I don't really feel stress. I can't just sit back and do nothing all day in the sun: I need to be doing something...

There's this annoying nagging feeling I feel if I stick to my schedule too much that I'm gonna burn out and that I should make the most of my environment more like go outside and then when I put that into my schedule it nags again even though it's the same bloody part of the brain that wants a schedule in the first place. It's not an ADHD combo: I think it's societal norms of "going with the flow" and just chilling and the idea that schedules mean burn out and I can't tell if I'm burnt out I'm sorry this was a post on holidays and I've rambled on about fucking autism again.

No need to apologize! I found it interesting how some people have the need to be "busy" with something all the time, while others just don't want to do anything. I myself am more of the rotting in front of the PC person, in which all I need is a distraction instead of something to do...

 

[Cauliflour]

No need to apologize! I found it interesting how some people have the need to be "busy" with something all the time, while others just don't want to do anything. I myself am more of the rotting in front of the PC person, in which all I need is a distraction instead of something to do...

I physically can't sit and scroll on my phone all day. I have to do something productive every day and if I don't then I get really agitated. The thought of becoming burnt out and me not noticing until it's too late scares the fuck out of me because then I'll have to do nothing all day.

 

[whiteboyswithars]

oh my god I relate to this sm, I came back from a beach trip with my family a week ago and it made me realize how lonely I am. I think a part of it was hearing my cousin talk about his family and realizing ill never have that for myself, and that even my own family would rather not hang out with me