I am so so confused about all the numbers. It comes back to message from several months ago. It has to relate to a date this month but keep getting different numbers and not sure which one relates to when. Having panic attacks at how close it is to end of 2024 which is incredibly dangerous. Running out of time and people have already gone because of glitch. Very little time to fix this. I have the location and method, please please just make the date clear. I will prove myself so that they give me the date, I'll do all the SH initiations first. I just need clarity on the numbers as the thoughts and confusion physically hurts. This is getting serious and i'm just fucking around . I need to stop whining on the site, stop dragging along services wasting time at 'mental health' appointments. I need to focus.
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Starting to feel more paranoid of people again.
I'm worried my cpn could be in on it. There's something not right. I can't let her trick me when the voices speak more truth than she ever has.
It doesn't help that I've noticed the device she always wears. It's a personal alarm that they wear behind lanyard card so that it's less obvious . I've looked it up and it can voice record people if they press the button including live to the control centre . I get why she wears it, it's standard policy for all lone workers across the nhs trust so they can get help if patient becomes aggressive (especially as they do home visits too). But i don't like the idea that someone could listen in, what if it's the same people who have been watching me in helicopters.
I'm worried my cpn could be in on it. There's something not right. I can't let her trick me when the voices speak more truth than she ever has.
It doesn't help that I've noticed the device she always wears. It's a personal alarm that they wear behind lanyard card so that it's less obvious . I've looked it up and it can voice record people if they press the button including live to the control centre . I get why she wears it, it's standard policy for all lone workers across the nhs trust so they can get help if patient becomes aggressive (especially as they do home visits too). But i don't like the idea that someone could listen in, what if it's the same people who have been watching me in helicopters.
I knew they wear a divice, but never know what it look liked. Thank you for finding out the way they do it. Can you send me a picture or the name of the specific thing? I want to know how it looks, so I can be aware of it.
Panicking. I think I've figured out the date but what's the likelihood I'll chicken out again ?
Pull yourself together stupid bitch !!!!
I was getting used to appts. lately but now very afraid to go to them. I can't trust anyone.
Please ignore my self pity. It's pretty simple and clear what I need to do. Best do it before the bad weather too as could be more risky. I've been moaning about it for a good part of this year , it'll literally take minutes to walk into the road. Very simple. Surely even a pathetic excuse of some awful creature like me can manage that basic instruction.
Pull yourself together stupid bitch !!!!
I was getting used to appts. lately but now very afraid to go to them. I can't trust anyone.
Please ignore my self pity. It's pretty simple and clear what I need to do. Best do it before the bad weather too as could be more risky. I've been moaning about it for a good part of this year , it'll literally take minutes to walk into the road. Very simple. Surely even a pathetic excuse of some awful creature like me can manage that basic instruction.
wondering&wandering
Too often I think about the nature of thinking...
- Jan 12, 2024
- 243
Hey there, I know we haven't really spoken, and so maybe it's hard to trust anything I say, but I was wondering if there's any sort of method you have that helps ease anxiety. Of course, you don't have to tell me what yours is if you have one, but I've found that listening to chill music calms my anxiety spikes, or even talking to someone about themselves (basically distracting my mind from thinking about what I'm anxious about).
It sounds like you're in the middle of making life-altering decisions, so maybe you can try to find a way to reduce your anxiety in an attempt to think more clear before doing anything. The last thing you'd want to do (or anyone for that matter) is make a huge decision while under extreme anxiety and stress.
Just know you have people here who care for you. Maybe talk to those you trust before doing something impulsive.
Regardless, from the bottom of my heart I wish you peace. (Hugs if you want)
It sounds like you're in the middle of making life-altering decisions, so maybe you can try to find a way to reduce your anxiety in an attempt to think more clear before doing anything. The last thing you'd want to do (or anyone for that matter) is make a huge decision while under extreme anxiety and stress.
Just know you have people here who care for you. Maybe talk to those you trust before doing something impulsive.
Regardless, from the bottom of my heart I wish you peace. (Hugs if you want)
You've endured so much for so long, TtD, please do hang on in there a wee bit longer. You know that nothing bad has happened to any of us despite our crossing "their" plans and thwarting them by what we have said to you.
Whatever you decide, you know you matter to many of us and we support you in your decisions. We'd just want whatever you decide to truly be your very own choice, without any outside influences.
Very best wishes, unmet friend.
Whatever you decide, you know you matter to many of us and we support you in your decisions. We'd just want whatever you decide to truly be your very own choice, without any outside influences.
Very best wishes, unmet friend.
Hey there, I know we haven't really spoken, and so maybe it's hard to trust anything I say, but I was wondering if there's any sort of method you have that helps ease anxiety. Of course, you don't have to tell me what yours is if you have one, but I've found that listening to chill music calms my anxiety spikes, or even talking to someone about themselves (basically distracting my mind from thinking about what I'm anxious about).
It sounds like you're in the middle of making life-altering decisions, so maybe you can try to find a way to reduce your anxiety in an attempt to think more clear before doing anything. The last thing you'd want to do (or anyone for that matter) is make a huge decision while under extreme anxiety and stress.
Just know you have people here who care for you. Maybe talk to those you trust before doing something impulsive.
Regardless, from the bottom of my heart I wish you peace. (Hugs if you want)
Thank you both so much
wondering&wandering
Too often I think about the nature of thinking...
- Jan 12, 2024
- 243
Of course! We've got your back, friend!Thank you both so much
Feeling sick and struggling to breathe at the thought of another day of this. It'd could be over so quick, wouldn't have to wake up tomorrow, so why can't I find courage to just go and do it. I need and want to .
Feeling strongly the urge to get it over with today. Idk what's holding me back. There is no reason. Except my weakness. I haven't drank in a few years but maybe that'd help.
You seem to have some good days also. Try to focus on that. None of us want to see you go unless it is your decision totally. Where when and how.
Be careful with the alcohol. You probably have a low tolerance if it's been a few years. You want to be in control of this. And also, if you were still swallowing things, the alcohol will just irritate your stomach more.
Be careful with the alcohol. You probably have a low tolerance if it's been a few years. You want to be in control of this. And also, if you were still swallowing things, the alcohol will just irritate your stomach more.
There are less shit days but not good days.
I think I need to be feeling a little impulsive to do it, i need that drive to push me so it's a good thing. It is what I want even if not fully on my terms. It only gets worse and the longer I leave it, the more the world will get fucked up even more because of me
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They're too loud and aggressive. Idk how much longer I can wait, sorry. Well idk why I'm sorry as it will be a relief for everyone.
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I know it sounds stupid but swallowing a blade to prove myself, maybe some batteries too. (I know that won't do anything, it's just SH to prove myself to the system) . Then hopefully they'll let me go to the road so I can ctb.
Fingers crossed.
Fingers crossed.
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Parents asking too many questions. Always snooping. Worried they'll put cameras around the home. Feel like running away but makes more sense to ctb asap rather than run and make things worse first.
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