Help Constantly trying hard, constantly failing hard

[ClownMe]

It's been a disastrous last 8 years or so for me and the last 3 months have been the worst of it. Basically nothing has gone right and im constantly depressed and suicidal.

Ive been trying recently to turn my life around because I thought im only going to be here once so I might as well give it a crack and see if anything changes. Sadly, as you can tell by the title of my post, nothing has changed even though ive tried lots of different stuff in recent weeks.

I definitely wasnt expecting instant results from any of the things I tried, but I wasn't expecting to end up even more depressed than I already was before I tried them.

Firstly I tried watching some different TV shows and movies on Netflix, then I tried getting into drawing, then I tried getting into writing, and the list goes on...

Today, I tried getting outside and being more active, but when I got home I just started crying because I once again got no joy from it.

I'm seriously beginning to wonder if there's anything in this world that I will actually enjoy. Lately, ive been toying with the idea of making a youtube channel, although i dont have high hopes for it because I have no idea what content I would even upload to it and it seems like a lot of work being a content creator.

I just wish I could find something in this world enjoyable to do, its quite disheartening to have nothing to look forward to when you wake up every morning.

 

[PlushieLover]

Try to go to a restaurant, that almost always makes me happy and it is the greatest pleasure I feel at this life <3

 

[Empty gas can]

I'm sorry you've been going through that for so long. Long lasting depression can be extremely damaging, and can leave you broken.

It looks like you're still trying things, taking care of yourself and wanting to be more accomplished. Even if it doesn't work like you'd want it, it's a good sign. You're still fighting!

Wishing you peace, whatever you decide to do.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

The prose poem you recently posted looked very promising; I think you should pursue that direction further.
You may not become the next T.S. Eliot, but who cares?

Concerning youtube: If you like classical music, you could look into making something like this:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwbbr8FKVrWLF8T81RI7Lxg/videos

This chap has 55,000 subscribers and all he does is preparing videos of classical pieces where the sheet music follows
along. He doesn't have to worry about running out of ideas, he can find most sheet music and recordings online for free,
and he doesn't need any fancy software to do it, seeing as windows paint and movie maker should be sufficient.
I once tried to make a video like this myself (and my technical knowledge is abysmal); not only was it fairly easy, it was also very
relaxing and kept my mind distracted from gloomy thoughts.

I would also recommend learning a musical instrument, if you haven't done so already.
It will be fairly frustrating in the beginning, but practicing will keep you busy, and once you reach a certain level of proficiency,
it can be immensely rewarding (playing the piano is basically the only thing I enjoy doing anymore).

As for TV series, if you like such silly movies as "Airplane" or "The Naked Gun", you should give this a try:

I also once watched the old Batman series with Adam West and enjoyed it immensely, but the humour is a bit special.

 

[A Retarded Demon]

My advice is a bit cliché but never give up as hard work will always pay off in the end and the more you've failed in achieving your goals before will make that final success all that more uplifting.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know how that feels. Anhedonia really sucks. I just see most things as too much effort or being pointless. I just look forward to sleep really. I hope you find some relief.

 

[WornOutLife]

I know what finding joy in nothing feels like.
Just keep on trying. Something will show up sooner or later.

After all, what other choice do we have unless we ctb? Living without really living? It really sucks!

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Keep writing!

 

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[Beachedwhale]

Have you tried lifting weights/building muscle? I've been wanting to since teen years but too afraid of going to the gym and for a while I convinced myself I didn't want/need it but deep down I did.