Coping with Christmas

[DreamsofDeath]

I hope this is in the correct section, apologies if not.

I was wondering how people feel about Christmas (in countries where it's a major holiday) and coping with it. Recently I've been seeing all the decorations and trees going up, Christmas trees put out for sale and even seen someone already carrying theirs home having purchased.

I don't usually have any issue with people being happy, in fact I prefer people to be enjoying themselves, if people can be happy then that's good. However Christmas feels different somehow; it's not that I don't want people to enjoy it but when you feel you need to ctb yet see all the joy around (at least ostensibly but in many cases genuine) I think it's difficult, at least I'm already finding it so. Maybe it's partly because of my personal reasons for needing to ctb, one of which is the hugely detrimental impact I have on my mother's life, and knowing that she can't enjoy anything for various reasons all due to me, let alone Christmas which she used to love. So maybe it's partly knowing she will be feeling this pain too, thanks to me.

I'm rambling a little but was wondering if anyone else struggles around Christmas and in the lead up. Ideally I would ctb before it gets going even more but I don't have the means (am struggling to properly research too though trying) nor built up the courage yet properly so know I won't be able to any time soon. It's tough walking around seeing it all I find, even though I wouldn't want people to not be enjoying themselves looking forward to it.

 

[worldexploder]

With Christmas I just ignore it until it goes away like I do with any holiday.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

With Christmas I just ignore it until it goes away like I do with any holiday.

Yeah my post is with hindsight probably a bit of a melodramatic one, maybe stupid overthinking in that way when trying to ignore it is best.

 

[Smilla]

I've spent the last two christmases holed up in my apartment alone drinking myself to death.

If I don't ctb before Christmas this year, it will be spent in similar pathetic fashion as the last two.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Years of SSRIs, benzos and brain fog/dissociation has made me pretty much unaware of what's going on around me. So I'll spend it the same way as usual - under a blanket of derealization and indifference.

 

[Threads]

The thing about Christmas that makes me suicidal is the non-stop fucking blaring of Christmas music, everywhere I go.

I also don't do holidays. I don't take phone calls or texts. I go to the gym, and ignore people.

 

[stargazer]

Being no longer religious, ive become less attached to Christmas. But it's also because, I've got more important things to focus on, like getting the heck out of this world :)

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I've spent the last two christmases holed up in my apartment alone drinking myself to death. [...]

Is this "egg nog" substance as amazing as everyone says?

 

[stargazer]

Is this "egg nog" substance as amazing as everyone says?

I drink non-alcoholic in Christmases gone past. Store bought in the milk/custard section. Have done so in the past. Tastes like a blend of vanilla and whipped cream as a liquid. It's an interesting taste, faintly caramel-like. Unless I'm just weird.

 

[Empty Smile]

Christmas, like any other holiday, is just another day for me. I don't celebrate, I don't put up lights, I don't send cards, I don't tell anyone merry Xmas, I don't want anything, I don't give anything, I don't sing carols, I don't watch Xmas shows movies or cartoons.

I'm sure full of I don't's.......

 

[Smilla]

Is this "egg nog" substance as amazing as everyone says?

I despise it. I drink red wine and champagne

 

[stargazer]

I get the strong feeling now (happily) that I'll have (successfully) caught my bus before Christmas. The past few Christmases I've pondered "is this my last" but without over-thinking it as a negative, I was indifferent, but merely thinking it because "surreal" feelings.

I'm sorry if others disagree. But I've been waiting 4 years. I can't do any more years.

I won't live to 2019 (hooray!).

 

[Johnnythefox]

Christmas = people buying shit they don't need with money they don't have.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

I hate Christmas. This year is weird. My mother died a year ago and I think about stupid little things she used to love about Christmas and instantly I start crying. It's getting annoying actually, luckily I don't have a job.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I hate Christmas. This year is weird. My mother died a year ago and I think about stupid little things she used to love about Christmas and instantly I start crying. It's getting annoying actually, luckily I don't have a job.

Sorry to read of that. I hope you're finding ways to cope as well as you can. I think this is the kind of thing which can make Christmas an even more difficult time for some.

 

[mattwitt]

I hate all of those romantic Christmas movies on the hallmark channel !

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I find Christmas very depressing because I know that I'd enjoy it under the right conditions. It's always the time of year that reminds me that I'm all alone with a crappy family. This Christmas will be my last thankfully.

 

[none666]

I'm just going to try to enjoy it the best i can, as it will hopefully be my last one

 

[azucaramargo]

I hope this is in the correct section, apologies if not.

I was wondering how people feel about Christmas (in countries where it's a major holiday) and coping with it. Recently I've been seeing all the decorations and trees going up, Christmas trees put out for sale and even seen someone already carrying theirs home having purchased.

I don't usually have any issue with people being happy, in fact I prefer people to be enjoying themselves, if people can be happy then that's good. However Christmas feels different somehow; it's not that I don't want people to enjoy it but when you feel you need to ctb yet see all the joy around (at least ostensibly but in many cases genuine) I think it's difficult, at least I'm already finding it so. Maybe it's partly because of my personal reasons for needing to ctb, one of which is the hugely detrimental impact I have on my mother's life, and knowing that she can't enjoy anything for various reasons all due to me, let alone Christmas which she used to love. So maybe it's partly knowing she will be feeling this pain too, thanks to me.

I'm rambling a little but was wondering if anyone else struggles around Christmas and in the lead up. Ideally I would ctb before it gets going even more but I don't have the means (am struggling to properly research too though trying) nor built up the courage yet properly so know I won't be able to any time soon. It's tough walking around seeing it all I find, even though I wouldn't want people to not be enjoying themselves looking forward to it.

Everyone on this site is so CONSIDERATE! Not wanting anyone else not to enjoy Xmas... You are cool. The holidays are incredibly difficult. Effing family all around. Time to think about how crappy your (i.e., my) life is. It's a terrible time. Just based on your kindness and extreme consideration for other people I REALLY doubt you are causing your mother any pain. I'm sorry to ask this, but are you on medication? I think a nice antidepressant would take the edge off your worries. And, I would bet everything I own that your mom loves and enjoys you VERY much.

 

[azucaramargo]

The thing about Christmas that makes me suicidal is the non-stop fucking blaring of Christmas music, everywhere I go.

I also don't do holidays. I don't take phone calls or texts. I go to the gym, and ignore people.

I revere anyone who can get his/her butt to the gym. That is cool.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

Everyone on this site is so CONSIDERATE! Not wanting anyone else not to enjoy Xmas... You are cool. The holidays are incredibly difficult. Effing family all around. Time to think about how crappy your (i.e., my) life is. It's a terrible time. Just based on your kindness and extreme consideration for other people I REALLY doubt you are causing your mother any pain. I'm sorry to ask this, but are you on medication? I think a nice antidepressant would take the edge off your worries. And, I would bet everything I own that your mom loves and enjoys you VERY much.

Many thanks for your kind words which are much appreciated. I'm not on any medication; I have fleetingly thought about whether it would be something beneficial before but I think what troubles me possibly goes beyond what medication can solve due to other circumstances. Thanks again for the post and hope you're coping alright with this time of year.

 

[TheCrow]

Maybe it's partly because of my personal reasons for needing to ctb, one of which is the hugely detrimental impact I have on my mother's life, and knowing that she can't enjoy anything for various reasons all due to me, let alone Christmas which she used to love. So maybe it's partly knowing she will be feeling this pain too, thanks to me.

Omg, SAME.