Venting cops showed up at my door

[vercabow]

at 3am, i replied to someone from college who has been messaging me if im okay or not. for context, i haven't gone to college in 6 months. i didn't reply because i felt as if he wouldn't even begin to understand anything. he has the typical singaporean mindset with empathy, and would just hit me with the typical "people have it worse"/"you're not alone bullshit/"life goes on" rhetoric. i know it's bad to ghost people but he's the type of person to straight up abandon me if he ever caught wind of whatever i was going through.

i decided to reply to him 2 hours ago because i kind of felt bad for not doing so. my message was just a song with a text that read "you shouldn't waste your time on me".

the fucker called the cops on me and i got welfare checked. i was so close to being sent to a psychward and being subjected to the terrors of this country's shitty healthcare. i was planning to ctb in jan/feb and i COULVE FUCKING LOST THAT. i guess he had good intentions but come the fuck on man, that shit was NOT the move.

after all that, my shitty father hit me with the classic "just deal with it" and "other have it worse" to guilt trip me ( even though the latter argument falls under the relative privation fallacy and is utterly FUCKING ASININE and is only used in this country because blind pragmatism prevails over EQ). don't forget the "just ignore everyone" even though he knows i've been bullied my whole life. i could've easily turned that conversation into a complete shouting fest and call destroy every stupid argument he had but i couldn't be bothered. that fucking scum of the earth doesn't deserve any morsel of my time.

i'm genuinely shaking right now. my only ticket to peace could've been ripped away. i have to join the army soon if i don't go back to college because i turned 18 last february. i'm so fucked man. school in general fucking kills everything inside me even though i'm academically inclined. im going to be forced to worst 2 years of my life even though i think about killing my self everyday.

i'm just so tired guys. i don't think SN would come on time, and i barely have money for it. plus it's a gamble whether it'll get caught at the customs since it's illegal here, and THEN i'll get jail time.

i have rope hidden in a shoebox. it's 3m long with a diameter of 16mm. it's a rope that's going to pull me into eternal peace.

thanks for reading, i just needed to vent. i'll probably post my full story soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you suffer a lot, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I understand feeling so tired of it all. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[smpkie]

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear this. People are really insensitive when it comes to certain topics they don't understand..
School really is stressful, especially with the pressure around you. I hope you find peace, I hate knowing that you struggle like this.
Whatever you plan on doing, I hope it works out well for you. Take care, don't pressure yourself too much in these last months <3