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Anyone here with CPTSD who feels like things have improved enough for them to want to live?
I have no sense of "self" because I am too screwed up and feel like it's too much work to find one at this point. I really want to leave but am stuck here. I'm so pissed.
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Lostandlooking, Lullaby, real human being and 1 other person
For me, they haven't. I'm trying to read some books on CPTSD that others have said have helped them, look into self-ifs "therapy," work on regulating my nervous system, assimilate a thimbleful of Buddhist philosophy...Well, I'm still here because the things I haven't tried are numerous. Seems like there are always more. But I'm on my way to a full-on menty-b this year; last year was the whipped cream, this year might be the cherry. I'm already at a point where I can't do any more therapy, and the only reason I'm still seeing my psych np is because I'm on an SNRI, and I need my Vyvanse. I'm tired of working on my health. I'm just like this. Idk.
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Lostandlooking, unrest, ForgottenAgain and 1 other person
Too early to say. I've recently started Janina fisher therapy (which really resonates with me) and also compassion focused therapy. Right now I want to die but am too scared of feeling regret too late to make that decision. But I'm hopeful that the therapy will work. It just seems so appropriate and relevant to what I experience. My actual shit life is the reason I want to ctb.
Too early to say. I've recently started Janina fisher therapy (which really resonates with me) and also compassion focused therapy. Right now I want to die but am too scared of feeling regret too late to make that decision. But I'm hopeful that the therapy will work. It just seems so appropriate and relevant to what I experience. My actual shit life is the reason I want to ctb.
I hope it does work for you. I've tried pretty much everything and a lot of the trauma therapies all seem to be based on the same things. I can't stand being in my body for even a minute and if I can't do that none of the therapies will work. I want to CTB so bad.
For me, they haven't. I'm trying to read some books on CPTSD that others have said have helped them, look into self-ifs "therapy," work on regulating my nervous system, assimilate a thimbleful of Buddhist philosophy...Well, I'm still here because the things I haven't tried are numerous. Seems like there are always more. But I'm on my way to a full-on menty-b this year; last year was the whipped cream, this year might be the cherry. I'm already at a point where I can't do any more therapy, and the only reason I'm still seeing my psych np is because I'm on an SNRI, and I need my Vyvanse. I'm tired of working on my health. I'm just like this. Idk.
After years of being told I was Borderline, my latest psychologist diagnosed me with CPTSD.
In a weird turn of events, things have "improved" since the beginning of this year but I think that's because I'm currently in survival mode.
I'm about to lose my house, possibly my job as well and my boyfriend's job is also at risk. When prior I would suddenly stop and get a flashback from when people I loved died, nowadays I'm constantly either house searching or job searching. I've been vomiting from stress once in a while and have trouble sleeping. However, I don't feel depressed like prior nor have had feelings of emptiness.
I feel like my brain decided to turn off those things so I can find another roof over my head. I've been feeling more mentally stable than prior even though my life is a mess right now.
After years of being told I was Borderline, my latest psychologist diagnosed me with CPTSD.
In a weird turn of events, things have "improved" since the beginning of this year but I think that's because I'm currently in survival mode.
I'm about to lose my house, possibly my job as well and my boyfriend's job is also at risk. When prior I would suddenly stop and get a flashback from when people I loved died, nowadays I'm constantly either house searching or job searching. I've been vomiting from stress once in a while and have trouble sleeping. However, I don't feel depressed like prior nor have had feelings of emptiness.
I feel like my brain decided to turn off those things so I can find another roof over my head. I've been feeling more mentally stable than prior even though my life is a mess right now.
It sounds to me like you are in the collapse stage of the stress cycle. This is when the lion is chasing you but you can't go on anymore so you just lay down to get eaten. But because you have to have a place to live you are pushing through. I'm sorry. This is a horrible place to be but at least you feel stable for now. Just be aware that once your situation is better your symptoms are going to get worse as you go back through the stress cycle backwards. I have been in collapse for a couple years and now my body is so burned out the only way I can function is using stimulants but that is only going to work for so long before I have a heart attack or physically collapse. Also- when I'm off the stimulants I am not functional and just want to CTB. This makes mornings and night horrific.
It sounds to me like you are in the collapse stage of the stress cycle. This is when the lion is chasing you but you can't go on anymore so you just lay down to get eaten. But because you have to have a place to live you are pushing through. I'm sorry. This is a horrible place to be but at least you feel stable for now. Just be aware that once your situation is better your symptoms are going to get worse as you go back through the stress cycle backwards. I have been in collapse for a couple years and now my body is so burned out the only way I can function is using stimulants but that is only going to work for so long before I have a heart attack or physically collapse. Also- when I'm off the stimulants I am not functional and just want to CTB. This makes mornings and night horrific.
Thank you for your words, I think you may be right...I don't know how to feel, haven't had much time to do so.
I'm so sorry about your situation, that is so horrible... Really between a rock and a hard place... I wish I had a solution for both of our problems. I really hope you never suffer through a heart attack though
I think may have something similar to CPTSD due to my physiological health issues / chronic pain / crazy symptoms and somatization (NOT psychosomatic), healthcare neglect, innefective treatments that made things worse... If I could just be healthy and wellbeing---I prob would still be somewhat worried about this happening again---but def that wouldn't cross my mind as much and I would be able to live a way better life, which I'm trying. Like, when I rarely have some wellbeing, little pain/symptoms that don't disable or make me go nuts, I finally feel like I'm able to go forward, to have a good time. Which is when I try to push forward.
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