Creating a dating site for broken people? (Poll)

[ShatteredSerenity]

I've been thinking about dating, but it's difficult because I'm broken on too many levels to be relationship material for regular women who have their life together.

Ordinary dating sites are geared at showcasing people's highlights, accomplishments, and personality. I've put together decent profiles and get plenty of matches, but my deep personal issues make me incompatible with 99% of women there. That means I end up wasting time on chat messages and occasional dates that inevitably end in embarrassment. Finding someone who's truly compatible that way seems futile so I've given up.

What I'm looking for is a partner whose baggage and issues are well aligned with mine, so I want a dating site that also has room to describe how I'm broken. That would filter out matches that never had any chance of going anywhere, while also finding new matches with people who share some of my struggles.

For example: I'm suicidal, and not everyone can handle that so I'd rather be upfront about it to find someone who can. On the flip side, I can be particularly empathetic and supportive of someone with suicidal thoughts which is something that could be valuable in a relationship.

Another example: I'm autistic. It's not bad in itself, but it frequently causes relationship difficulties, and conversely I have an immediate connection with other autistic people.

So what a dating site for broken people could do is allow you to include some of these traits on your profile and search for them. In the case of being suicidal, you might not want to broadcast that openly to everyone, so it could be set to hide this trait unless the other person has it too. People could also set filters to say they definitely won't date anyone suicidal, so they would never see a profile of a suicidal person at all.

In the case of autism, I would rather let that be displayed publicly, so I wouldn't hide it. I would also set a preference to see more autistic profiles, since it's a positive signal for compatibility, but not a requirement.

You could come up with hundreds of other traits like that, for various disorders, types of trauma, medical issues, phobias, etc... Traits could be hidden or shown depending on preference, and there could be settings to tailor the search algoritm to help find people whose traits are compatible with your preferences and vice versa.

This isn't something I'm thinking of actually building, by the way. It's just an interesting project to think about.

 

[Blackswede]

I'd love to be in a relationship. It sounds nice, but I don't love myself and that can cause problems. I struggle mentally and I don't want to burden anyone with my mental state. I'll just stay alone.

 

[dragonofenvy]

What would concern me about something like this is having two broken people collide. These are vulnerable people, and also, potentially, violent. This could be dangerous for some people.

I'm not trying to say people who are mentally ill or have had trauma or hate their lives are violent, but we have to acknowledge that some are. Because when you're so deep in the pits that you want to die, then you probably have nothing to lose anymore, and people with nothing to lose are the ones who are abusive, murderers, etc. You also don't even need to be violent, you could just be a dick. I mean hell, I used to be a very nice and polite person but now I've become significantly nastier in just a few months due to me becoming more self-centered since I figured being nice to people never got me anywhere. So, you'd likely have partners that deteriorate over time.

On top of this, what's to say that they wouldn't drag you down further? I've known a few people who were more broken than me. They weren't a good experience. On the flip side, I've also known a person who has had a few suicide attempts and they've so far been the only person I've been able to confide in about things, and they're quite nice.

Something like this would be hard because I for example am completely incapable of emotional capacity for others and also very alexithymic which means that eventually the stuff that I'm not even aware that I bottle up suddenly explodes out. So that would be a disaster for whoever's my partner because most people don't actually want to deal with that stuff and would probably fear me for it.

But I do think there could be positives so long as massive boundaries are set between the partners so that you can mitigate any risks. So... basically just normal dating I guess? I don't really know how relationships are supposed to work because the only ones I've seen among my peers involve them resenting their girlfriends, or them treating their girlfriends shittily, so I don't have mental concept of what a good relationship is supposed to look like. But I'd imagine it just being you hanging out with each other and going on dates like everyone else would and not doing anything super serious till later in the relationship, it just so happens you both happen to be broken people. Putting it like that, hey as long as people are smart about it, it could work.

 

[S like suicide]

No one can understand a broken person better than a broken person.
in the past i had a relationship with someone who had similar problems to mine...and it was the best time of my life there is no medicine more powerful than love and we were both "almost" healed but it will not always be easy because being broken people...your wounds will be very visible and the other person could mirror you and therefore this will force you to have to work on yourself...what helps is the fact that love motivates you and supports you in your healing journey.

 

[jan28]

The first thing I thought was how you would verify the "broken person" status. Then you'd have the issue of preventing predatory people trying to exploit or manipulate users, as the nature of this website would draw in bad actors. Practically, I think this is impossible, so my answer is no, a dedicated dating site for broken people could not work.

 

[savory]

I'm not sure ..there'd need to be a good vetting process, what would that look like? Besides, aren't most social apps and sites used for dating, even this site? Cause, human, people will connect.

There used to be a site called No Longer Lonely a long time ago for people with "issues", dont think it was up long ? I vaguely remember the one guy I chatted with...he had alopecia, gorgeous face, had a schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, and was recently released from hospital. Wonder what happened with him.

 

[Blue Dream]

I find the possibility of pairing people with mutually reinforcing toxic patterns concerning. Incompatibility is one thing, an anxious avoidant relationship or an abusive one would end up doing more harm than good, and those seem quite likely when you are pairing broken people.

And of course there's the matter of safety.

 

[needthebus]

I'm not sure ..there'd need to be a good vetting process, what would that look like? Besides, aren't most social apps and sites used for dating, even this site? Cause, human, people will connect.

There used to be a site called No Longer Lonely a long time ago for people with "issues", dont think it was up long ? I vaguely remember the one guy I chatted with...he had alopecia, gorgeous face, had a schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, and was recently released from hospital. Wonder what happened with him.

what was his name? youre describing someone i know, lol, probably a coincidence

 

[savory]

what was his name? youre describing someone i know, lol, probably a coincidence

This was early- mid 2000s I believe lol I don't remember his name but I can kinda still see his face, pale skin, big blue eyes and full lips. Northwestern European? but he may have been American.

 

[yowai]

It could be abused somehow like someone purposefully seeking people like that to fuck with them or get sensitive info. I'd find it hard to trust anyone in there to be genuine or with good intentions

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Seems like a breeding ground for creeps to prey on vulnerable people, tbh

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Seems like a breeding ground for creeps to prey on vulnerable people, tbh

This was my thinking as well. This may just be my social anxiety talking, but I really can't see something like that going well. I'm sure people would try it though (I probably would)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's a 'lame' idea at all. I just think it's assuming all people are honest. I suspect there are plenty of predators who are happy to play the long game- so- coming across as an equally insecure and broken person till they ingratiate themselves in that persons life and then, drop the mask. Like others have said, I think it could also be a magnet for that.

Bear in mind- not everyone is who they say they are. It's even happened with this sort of website- possibly this actual site so, everyone ought to be careful. Especially when being encouraged to communicate off the site, reveal their identity or, meet in person. I have a feeling this guy had had an account on the site a long time before this happened. Perhaps you could argue that to a larger extent, the woman consented but, it's still really disturbing I think:

Glasgow man who targeted women online 'at their lowest point' sentenced to prison

A Glasgow man has been sentenced to eight years in prison after he “deliberately targeted” a vulnerable young woman on a website for people who…

www.glasgowtimes.co.uk

But in principle, maybe. I'm not sure. Maybe some conditions would gel better than others though. Some I imagine could very well trigger the other's insecurities.

 

[theolivanderroach]

Gross. A relationship won't fix your problems. I only see negative outcomes from this, like the ones already mentioned in this thread. I personally would never use something like that. One reason I've never dated is I've always known I'm going to ctb. I'd rather not hurt someone attached to me when I do it.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

It would have a high chance of damaging people even more. Sites like those attract predators and manipulators, and fragile people will more easily fall for those predators. There's also the issue of two damaged people triggering each other and leaving the relationship worse off.

Even if everyone was honest, dating another broken person can be good but there's also the challenge of: who will comfort the other when both people are equally going through a bad time? That can be very challenging...and whilst you may feel understood and free to speak your mind, at the same time that person's bad habits can negatively influence you and vice-versa. It's a fine line to balance, speaking from experience...

 

[chaosdrifter]

maybe it's my algorithm or just the reality of queer dating, but I feel even on "normal" dating sites, i see a lot of troubled people and many people who mention their (mental) health problems in their bios.
and as the others already mentioned, i see that it could be harmful and dangerous for many vulnerable people.

 

[ham and potatoes]

I think allot of us here could be helped by a relationship. But I don't think matchmaking 2 depressed, suicidal people would be a great idea. Feel like that would just turn into the suicide 'partners' thread #2

 

[Namelesa]

I could see it working. I will also say that mentally ill people are more able to support each other as they can understand each other better which is something I would want in a romantic partner. Obviously there is more risks with a relationship of this nature (I would know) as each other's problems could also more negatively effect the other. I have tired to have a relationship with someone also mentally ill but it became one-sided and we both showed our worse traits. Also there will definitely be people who will exploit vulnerable people. Its a gamble that could either work really well or end terribly.

 

[H0110W]

Seems like a great way for failed normies to prey on emotionally susceptible and desperate people for an easy date. Basically easy mode dating for the normies. Besides, how would you make a profile on such a site? Write about your antidepressants instead of your hobbies? Ask if you're dtc (down to cry) instead of dtf?

Or maybe one will have to lie, and post smiling selfies, to compete with the inevitable normies and their "perfect" lives? As if wearing a mask and pretend I'm not myself wasn't bad enough in real life.

God damn. I hate this. I hate this so much.

Hard no, terrible idea.

Besides, to date someone means being happy with yourself. Everyone thinks that having a bf or gf will magically fix your problem. Spoiler: it won't, you'll still be broken and then you will drag down your partner with you. If you don't get dumped and go down in flames, all by yourself, that is. Trying a relationship while broken would only exacerbate all of your issues and make them even more glaring and painful especially if the other person is "normal". If the other person is mentally ill, it leaves you open to psychological and emotional manipulation.

How could you even suggest this idea unironically is just beyond me. Wtf are you smoking/drinking, and please give me some because I'm way too sober tonight.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Gross. A relationship won't fix your problems. I only see negative outcomes from this, like the ones already mentioned in this thread. I personally would never use something like that. One reason I've never dated is I've always known I'm going to ctb. I'd rather not hurt someone attached to me when I do it.

Idk. I've only been in one relationship, but I found that it helped quite a bit (while I was in it, at least). Probably depends on why people feel the way they do.

 

[alienfreak]

I do wish i could find someone like myself.

Making any successful dating site that isnt owned by Match Group and isn't driven by malicious profit-seeking algorithms would be nice, have high demand and could have features that help with such issues. But that in itself seems impossible for some reason. Getting network effect is hard, and im sure Match Group has sneaky methods to take you down.

 

[CatLvr]

maybe it's my algorithm or just the reality of queer dating, but I feel even on "normal" dating sites, i see a lot of troubled people and many people who mention their (mental) health problems in their bios.
and as the others already mentioned, i see that it could be harmful and dangerous for many vulnerable people.

I feel this way also. There is not a single, solitary person on the planet who isn't "damaged" in one way or another. In fact, I'd argue it's not WHETHER any one of us is damaged, and more just HOW MUCH any one of us is damaged.

 

[Konnsz]

I've been thinking about dating, but it's difficult because I'm broken on too many levels to be relationship material for regular women who have their life together.

Ordinary dating sites are geared at showcasing people's highlights, accomplishments, and personality. I've put together decent profiles and get plenty of matches, but my deep personal issues make me incompatible with 99% of women there. That means I end up wasting time on chat messages and occasional dates that inevitably end in embarrassment. Finding someone who's truly compatible that way seems futile so I've given up.

What I'm looking for is a partner whose baggage and issues are well aligned with mine, so I want a dating site that also has room to describe how I'm broken. That would filter out matches that never had any chance of going anywhere, while also finding new matches with people who share some of my struggles.

For example: I'm suicidal, and not everyone can handle that so I'd rather be upfront about it to find someone who can. On the flip side, I can be particularly empathetic and supportive of someone with suicidal thoughts which is something that could be valuable in a relationship.

Another example: I'm autistic. It's not bad in itself, but it frequently causes relationship difficulties, and conversely I have an immediate connection with other autistic people.

So what a dating site for broken people could do is allow you to include some of these traits on your profile and search for them. In the case of being suicidal, you might not want to broadcast that openly to everyone, so it could be set to hide this trait unless the other person has it too. People could also set filters to say they definitely won't date anyone suicidal, so they would never see a profile of a suicidal person at all.

In the case of autism, I would rather let that be displayed publicly, so I wouldn't hide it. I would also set a preference to see more autistic profiles, since it's a positive signal for compatibility, but not a requirement.

You could come up with hundreds of other traits like that, for various disorders, types of trauma, medical issues, phobias, etc... Traits could be hidden or shown depending on preference, and there could be settings to tailor the search algoritm to help find people whose traits are compatible with your preferences and vice versa.

This isn't something I'm thinking of actually building, by the way. It's just an interesting project to think about.

While the concept is good, the dating online market is currently insanely in favor to women and insanely unfair to men, which that inherently fucks up everything else

 

[ForeverLonely82]

letting off my cynicals, bitter input here. I'll keep it short and sweet. This won't work. People are just too goddamned judgemental and have dumb expectations. Sure, there are rare ones out there, but they are STUPIDLY rare more so than a 4 leaf clover or a unicorn. You have to be good looking, make decent money and be tall (when being a male anyway) to have a lick of a chance. To some that's worth the trouble, me? it's far too exhausting for a 42 year, middle aged guy. it's once reason I don't get a divorce because if I lived alone I would probably think highly of CTB, even I told her she is free to go anytime, I mean... just like every other woman I had in my life doesn't want my attention and affection..even though I'd be willing to give it, but anyway... I can't speak for everyone but Love and I just don't match well I guess. I go the distance and put in my effort, but it's never returned...ever. I honestly think my wife married me so she wouldn't be alone. it's of no surprise why her ex husbands cheated on her, she would blame them, but the fault is within her self. She's a good friend, but a awful wife/lover. anyway I rambled on too much that I wanted to I am just lonely and spouting my thoughts while I type this. I don't think this would work, if it did though then...maybe I can find someone to move on with..alas i don't think anyone could ever love me in the same way I can love someone. I am on disability too due to my depression and anxiety/panic disorder due to abuse I recieved and in some ways still recieve. Ever feel stuck? I am sure most of you do. As a married incel, I lose anyway.