wanttogetonthebus
chronically unlucky
- Nov 27, 2021
- 406
I will continue to update this post to change or add more details so that my plan stays up to date. I'm looking to make any necessary tweaks or alterations so that my plan can be successfully carried out. This is just a first draft. I want my plan to be as fool-proof as possible and I won't commit until I feel confident that it will actually work.
My Request
Please critique the feasibility of my plan and offer me any practical tips so that I can be successful. If I missed anything or failed to account for any likely result that will interfere with my plan, please let me know and give me suggestions or advice. This is a first preliminary draft.
My Two Objectives (non-negotiable and not up for debate, don't leave any feedback on these two items)
-CTB successfully
-Body unfound or at least all traces of any recoverable DNA entirely gone by the time I'm found
About Me
I'm a 30 year old sedentary 5 foot 4 inch female. Back in high school, I think it took me about 30 minutes to run a mile and I was dying for air. I weigh 145 pounds and have a 24.89 BMI and body surface area of 1.72. My resting BP is 137/93 and resting pulse is 93. The most exercise I do is walking up a set of stairs about once a day in an air conditioned house and that's it. I don't hike.
The Plan (Give me all of your feedback on this section! Tell me everything that can possibly go wrong! I need a second pair or more of eyes to see any flaws or oversights in the feasibility, practicality, and likelihood of success for my plan! Also let me know if I made an errors.)
1. Find a secluded hiking trail with a lot of off-trail wilderness to wander away into.
2. Buy a new phone and/or a new phone plan so that my phone will not be connected to my family's phone plan and won't be traceable by them. Buy a hiking backpack, a tent, and containers of water to hike with along with separate containers of water for use with my SN as a backup. I'll also bring along carb rich energy or granola bars, electrolyte powder, and 6 plastic cups to mix my SN so I have more cups to easily drink the SN concoction from in case I vomit. I should not carry more than 29 pounds on my back when hiking according to my research. The weight of my 4 bottles of N and stash of SN is 5.6 pounds, so the weight of water and other materials I carry can not be more than 23.4 pounds. The North Face Stormbreak 1 tent weighs 6 ounces (.375 pounds). I'm going to assume my backpack weighs 3 pounds and the cups weigh 12 ounces in total. 4.2 pounds is the weight of all of these materials so I can carry 19.2 pounds of water. It takes an estimated 2.3 pounds of water to hike for one hour in my area, so I could hike for an estimated 8.3 hours or longer if there is water to drink on the trail. I did not factor in the weight of high calorie light snacks like granola and energy bars which I also plan to take or factor in the weight of a flashlight or water filtration device in case there's water on my trail of choice. I could use my smart phone as a flashlight and carry a light charging brick in my pocket. Because I am taking SN as a backup to my N, I feel like it is highly unlikely that both will fail and I will need to bring any kind of testing kit but your feedback on this point would be appreciated. I'll probably bring along dramamine as an antiemetic too since it's available over the counter, but I really wish I could have gotten metoclopramide without arousing any suspicion. I'm just not sure how I'd do that and if someone can just show up to a doctor and be like, "Can I get prescribed metoclopramide?" Anyway, thoughts on this antiemetic issue too would be appreciated. I also have 3 year old hydroxyzine tablets which is an antihistamine often prescribed as needed to treat anxiety and sleep conditions. I hear antihistamines are closely related to antiemetics. Would taking this too help I wonder? Any thoughts or guesses?
3. Schedule an email to be sent to my family for a week in the future past my estimated time of death that says that I'm an adult and I've decided to move on with my life in a new way and not to go looking for me because I want to keep my independence because I haven't gotten anywhere in life tied down to them [so that nobody tries searching for my body and they don't have a strong basis to file a missing persons report]. I could also send my rage-filled CTB note. What do you think would be best to send to prevent people searching for me? Maybe if I make it clear dead rather than appear like I possibly could be missing then recovering the body people are more likely to leave it alone? Thoughts? Finally, send a thank you message to my one friend lying and telling them I'm about to go under for an emergency surgery and that I need them to know I truly appreciate them because I got help too late. [I'm scared that this last one might not be believable enough...? How can I have a good excuse to never see my friend again (so they don't feel abandoned) while making it clear I'm eternally grateful for everything over the many years? They invested a lot in enriching my life and I want to show them the gratitude they rightfully deserve. But, to prevent interference, nobody can know what I'm actually going to do.]
3. Before the day of the hike comes, I'll check that every piece of gear is in working order. I'll have some printed out copies of critical instructions I type out in case my phone fails and I need to review my plan. I have the PPH handbook installed on my phone and have skimmed it time and time again lot over the years, but I'll make sure I thoroughly review the relevant sections again in detail. I'll say my goodbyes to Sanctioned Suicide, transfer all savings to checking, and set up a recurring donation with my favorite charity that will hopefully drain my checking account dry over time to a good cause, but I will still be able to have money in my checking in the event I need to make some emergency purchase because of some kind of plan interference. Anyway, will this work or will there need to be some kind of recurring authorization with my bank to continue to have the monthly donations withdrawn? My checking and savings account are independent and mine alone but I have the same last name as my family. The last thing I'd want other than failing CBT, is for them to get their hands on the money I earned! It should go to things I supported and cared about in life!
4. Get an Uber or Lyft to take me to the site I'll hike from. As soon as I get out of the vehicle, remove the SIM card from my phone and crush it or at least toss it in the wilderness where it won't be found. Hike as far as I can until I mostly run out of the main supply of water or am in the middle of the trail - in either case I need to be in isolation and difficult to find as far out of view and hidden as possible. Hike away from the trail and pitch my tent with some paper and tape on the front (which I'll also need to take) that says I'm sleeping and not to disturb me. Get inside the tent and get to business. Measure my SN into the cups with a small gram scale I'll also need to take. Stack the cups and place them next to me. Now, the SN is plan B, but I'm doing all the prep work for it ahead of time besides actually pouring the water and mixing, because if I fail plan A, I might barely be conscious or coherent for plan B. Plan A is to chug as quickly as possible all 4 bottles of N. If somehow I wake up still alive (and I pray in this case that I haven't been discovered), then I can rest for a while and if I still have the strength prepare my SN. Back to plan A for a second, I'm thinking that since I have 4 bottles of N and 1 is usually enough to be lethal maybe I could use 1 or 2 of them for an N-ema which is an alternate route of administration I've heard about that might be helpful should I vomit. In that case, I'd have to bring additional N-ema gear. Ideally though, I wish I had medical training so I could administer the N through an IV but oh well. Step 4 should end with successful CTB!
5. I'll be absolutely pissed if I get respawned... because how did I even end up here in the first place? I just opened my eyes and suddenly I was alive and existing like black magic ;o; This is my biggest and most worrisome of philosophical gripes and I honestly pray what we call life really isn't some kind of inescapable cycle. This worry is one of the things that has kept me alive until now for fear of the possibility of repeating my hell eternally. But I also realize that staying alive isn't going to make things better for me either under my circumstances without so much of the world drastically changing just for me which it won't, and at the end of the day, there's a reason I haven't been able to hold my head up for 30 years or even come to accept my pitiful existence. I'm hardly better off now than I was in late elementary school and have nearly the same amount of independence as I did back then but now with a lot less potential (washed up and tired of the grind) and less margin for error (because I'm supposed to be a responsible adult who likes to toil for my bread). It's all so horribly unfair as life often is and I hope this will be my last and final challenge. No matter what I'm going to die as are we all, and I think it's about time for me to take a stand and say enough is enough and that I don't have a desire to play this game we're all playing anymore. I've always been of the belief that participation in games should be by choice and games are meant to be fun and worthwhile to each individual who chooses to play.
My Questions
1. Will the electrolyte powder, water drinking, or eating the snacks I bring along negatively affect the potency and effectiveness of my N and SN?
2. Will dramamine negatively affect the potency and effectiveness of my N and SN? I know metoclopramide is used frequently with SN and works well, but I haven't heard any first hand accounts of dramamine even though it is mentioned as a potential alternative antiemetic for CTB in general. I think my mom once said when I was a baby or toddler that dramamine or benadryl made me hyper, but she says a lot of things that never happened and she's hardly observant so I'd take that with a grain of SN. Speaking of Benadryl, as an antihistmaine, I wonder if that could be helpful here. I think I had a friend who said it would knock him out. Anyway, all of these drugs I have access to (dramamine, benadryl, hydroxyzine) are antihistamines which I think are supposed to be central nervous system (CNS) depressants and metoclopramide is also a CNS depressant. N is a crazy powerful CNS depressant easily lethal and alcohol is also a CNS depressant that can be consumed to further potentiate the effects of N according to the PPH handbook. I'm under the impression that in general all CNS depressants magnify or stack on top of each other and none of them seem to act as a direct counter to the others. Interestingly enough, N actually has a protective effect against the damaging effects of SN though according to what I've read. SN is not a CNS depressant though.
3. Could taking my 3 year old hydroxyzine either separately or in addition to dramimine be effective with N and SN? Does anyone know or have any guesses. I have not studied chemistry or medicine.
Thank You For Everything
I tried to spare you too much sentiment or pity partying in this post because I'm actually here to do business, but I apologize for ranting a bit at the end. Once I'm fully committed to my plan, however, I might make a final thread on here with the CTB note which I may not even leave for anyone to find outside of this website because the less people know about what I did and how I did it, the better for us all. This is my decision and mine alone and I don't want any interference.
I've been wanting this for a very long time and I'm ready and not afraid to go. Now, it just might be the time and I've done many years of thinking and it's this forum that stopped me from meeting a messy end or permanently injuring myself so I'm very grateful that you allowed me this extra time to really be ready emotionally and to go out there and live my life the best that I could have given my circumstances.
My Request
Please critique the feasibility of my plan and offer me any practical tips so that I can be successful. If I missed anything or failed to account for any likely result that will interfere with my plan, please let me know and give me suggestions or advice. This is a first preliminary draft.
My Two Objectives (non-negotiable and not up for debate, don't leave any feedback on these two items)
-CTB successfully
-Body unfound or at least all traces of any recoverable DNA entirely gone by the time I'm found
About Me
I'm a 30 year old sedentary 5 foot 4 inch female. Back in high school, I think it took me about 30 minutes to run a mile and I was dying for air. I weigh 145 pounds and have a 24.89 BMI and body surface area of 1.72. My resting BP is 137/93 and resting pulse is 93. The most exercise I do is walking up a set of stairs about once a day in an air conditioned house and that's it. I don't hike.
The Plan (Give me all of your feedback on this section! Tell me everything that can possibly go wrong! I need a second pair or more of eyes to see any flaws or oversights in the feasibility, practicality, and likelihood of success for my plan! Also let me know if I made an errors.)
1. Find a secluded hiking trail with a lot of off-trail wilderness to wander away into.
2. Buy a new phone and/or a new phone plan so that my phone will not be connected to my family's phone plan and won't be traceable by them. Buy a hiking backpack, a tent, and containers of water to hike with along with separate containers of water for use with my SN as a backup. I'll also bring along carb rich energy or granola bars, electrolyte powder, and 6 plastic cups to mix my SN so I have more cups to easily drink the SN concoction from in case I vomit. I should not carry more than 29 pounds on my back when hiking according to my research. The weight of my 4 bottles of N and stash of SN is 5.6 pounds, so the weight of water and other materials I carry can not be more than 23.4 pounds. The North Face Stormbreak 1 tent weighs 6 ounces (.375 pounds). I'm going to assume my backpack weighs 3 pounds and the cups weigh 12 ounces in total. 4.2 pounds is the weight of all of these materials so I can carry 19.2 pounds of water. It takes an estimated 2.3 pounds of water to hike for one hour in my area, so I could hike for an estimated 8.3 hours or longer if there is water to drink on the trail. I did not factor in the weight of high calorie light snacks like granola and energy bars which I also plan to take or factor in the weight of a flashlight or water filtration device in case there's water on my trail of choice. I could use my smart phone as a flashlight and carry a light charging brick in my pocket. Because I am taking SN as a backup to my N, I feel like it is highly unlikely that both will fail and I will need to bring any kind of testing kit but your feedback on this point would be appreciated. I'll probably bring along dramamine as an antiemetic too since it's available over the counter, but I really wish I could have gotten metoclopramide without arousing any suspicion. I'm just not sure how I'd do that and if someone can just show up to a doctor and be like, "Can I get prescribed metoclopramide?" Anyway, thoughts on this antiemetic issue too would be appreciated. I also have 3 year old hydroxyzine tablets which is an antihistamine often prescribed as needed to treat anxiety and sleep conditions. I hear antihistamines are closely related to antiemetics. Would taking this too help I wonder? Any thoughts or guesses?
3. Schedule an email to be sent to my family for a week in the future past my estimated time of death that says that I'm an adult and I've decided to move on with my life in a new way and not to go looking for me because I want to keep my independence because I haven't gotten anywhere in life tied down to them [so that nobody tries searching for my body and they don't have a strong basis to file a missing persons report]. I could also send my rage-filled CTB note. What do you think would be best to send to prevent people searching for me? Maybe if I make it clear dead rather than appear like I possibly could be missing then recovering the body people are more likely to leave it alone? Thoughts? Finally, send a thank you message to my one friend lying and telling them I'm about to go under for an emergency surgery and that I need them to know I truly appreciate them because I got help too late. [I'm scared that this last one might not be believable enough...? How can I have a good excuse to never see my friend again (so they don't feel abandoned) while making it clear I'm eternally grateful for everything over the many years? They invested a lot in enriching my life and I want to show them the gratitude they rightfully deserve. But, to prevent interference, nobody can know what I'm actually going to do.]
3. Before the day of the hike comes, I'll check that every piece of gear is in working order. I'll have some printed out copies of critical instructions I type out in case my phone fails and I need to review my plan. I have the PPH handbook installed on my phone and have skimmed it time and time again lot over the years, but I'll make sure I thoroughly review the relevant sections again in detail. I'll say my goodbyes to Sanctioned Suicide, transfer all savings to checking, and set up a recurring donation with my favorite charity that will hopefully drain my checking account dry over time to a good cause, but I will still be able to have money in my checking in the event I need to make some emergency purchase because of some kind of plan interference. Anyway, will this work or will there need to be some kind of recurring authorization with my bank to continue to have the monthly donations withdrawn? My checking and savings account are independent and mine alone but I have the same last name as my family. The last thing I'd want other than failing CBT, is for them to get their hands on the money I earned! It should go to things I supported and cared about in life!
4. Get an Uber or Lyft to take me to the site I'll hike from. As soon as I get out of the vehicle, remove the SIM card from my phone and crush it or at least toss it in the wilderness where it won't be found. Hike as far as I can until I mostly run out of the main supply of water or am in the middle of the trail - in either case I need to be in isolation and difficult to find as far out of view and hidden as possible. Hike away from the trail and pitch my tent with some paper and tape on the front (which I'll also need to take) that says I'm sleeping and not to disturb me. Get inside the tent and get to business. Measure my SN into the cups with a small gram scale I'll also need to take. Stack the cups and place them next to me. Now, the SN is plan B, but I'm doing all the prep work for it ahead of time besides actually pouring the water and mixing, because if I fail plan A, I might barely be conscious or coherent for plan B. Plan A is to chug as quickly as possible all 4 bottles of N. If somehow I wake up still alive (and I pray in this case that I haven't been discovered), then I can rest for a while and if I still have the strength prepare my SN. Back to plan A for a second, I'm thinking that since I have 4 bottles of N and 1 is usually enough to be lethal maybe I could use 1 or 2 of them for an N-ema which is an alternate route of administration I've heard about that might be helpful should I vomit. In that case, I'd have to bring additional N-ema gear. Ideally though, I wish I had medical training so I could administer the N through an IV but oh well. Step 4 should end with successful CTB!
5. I'll be absolutely pissed if I get respawned... because how did I even end up here in the first place? I just opened my eyes and suddenly I was alive and existing like black magic ;o; This is my biggest and most worrisome of philosophical gripes and I honestly pray what we call life really isn't some kind of inescapable cycle. This worry is one of the things that has kept me alive until now for fear of the possibility of repeating my hell eternally. But I also realize that staying alive isn't going to make things better for me either under my circumstances without so much of the world drastically changing just for me which it won't, and at the end of the day, there's a reason I haven't been able to hold my head up for 30 years or even come to accept my pitiful existence. I'm hardly better off now than I was in late elementary school and have nearly the same amount of independence as I did back then but now with a lot less potential (washed up and tired of the grind) and less margin for error (because I'm supposed to be a responsible adult who likes to toil for my bread). It's all so horribly unfair as life often is and I hope this will be my last and final challenge. No matter what I'm going to die as are we all, and I think it's about time for me to take a stand and say enough is enough and that I don't have a desire to play this game we're all playing anymore. I've always been of the belief that participation in games should be by choice and games are meant to be fun and worthwhile to each individual who chooses to play.
My Questions
1. Will the electrolyte powder, water drinking, or eating the snacks I bring along negatively affect the potency and effectiveness of my N and SN?
2. Will dramamine negatively affect the potency and effectiveness of my N and SN? I know metoclopramide is used frequently with SN and works well, but I haven't heard any first hand accounts of dramamine even though it is mentioned as a potential alternative antiemetic for CTB in general. I think my mom once said when I was a baby or toddler that dramamine or benadryl made me hyper, but she says a lot of things that never happened and she's hardly observant so I'd take that with a grain of SN. Speaking of Benadryl, as an antihistmaine, I wonder if that could be helpful here. I think I had a friend who said it would knock him out. Anyway, all of these drugs I have access to (dramamine, benadryl, hydroxyzine) are antihistamines which I think are supposed to be central nervous system (CNS) depressants and metoclopramide is also a CNS depressant. N is a crazy powerful CNS depressant easily lethal and alcohol is also a CNS depressant that can be consumed to further potentiate the effects of N according to the PPH handbook. I'm under the impression that in general all CNS depressants magnify or stack on top of each other and none of them seem to act as a direct counter to the others. Interestingly enough, N actually has a protective effect against the damaging effects of SN though according to what I've read. SN is not a CNS depressant though.
3. Could taking my 3 year old hydroxyzine either separately or in addition to dramimine be effective with N and SN? Does anyone know or have any guesses. I have not studied chemistry or medicine.
Thank You For Everything
I tried to spare you too much sentiment or pity partying in this post because I'm actually here to do business, but I apologize for ranting a bit at the end. Once I'm fully committed to my plan, however, I might make a final thread on here with the CTB note which I may not even leave for anyone to find outside of this website because the less people know about what I did and how I did it, the better for us all. This is my decision and mine alone and I don't want any interference.
I've been wanting this for a very long time and I'm ready and not afraid to go. Now, it just might be the time and I've done many years of thinking and it's this forum that stopped me from meeting a messy end or permanently injuring myself so I'm very grateful that you allowed me this extra time to really be ready emotionally and to go out there and live my life the best that I could have given my circumstances.
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