R
rachybee
Student
- Dec 8, 2024
- 114
Saw my cpn today. We discussed my wishes to ctb - I've known her years and if I lie she knows. Anyway yea. And we also discussed possible hospital admission etc. she wants to go this CTR? Route? Not sure what that is. I'm uk. Anyway yea she said she was happy I was communicating properly with what I think would help etc.
Even though I've no idea.
I've wanted to ctb for as long as I can remember. And now I've worked out the DMC ordering I can. I feel 90% wants to do it but there's this fking annoying 10% that's like well what if you can get 'fixed'. What if you did xyZ and were ok? But I've never been ok? Nothing has ever worked.
Do I push to go back into hospital? Try too? With probably getting rejected like no you're fine or not. Really the majority of me longs for the idea of taking SN and just going to sleep. It will all be done and this shit show of my life would be done too
Even though I've no idea.
I've wanted to ctb for as long as I can remember. And now I've worked out the DMC ordering I can. I feel 90% wants to do it but there's this fking annoying 10% that's like well what if you can get 'fixed'. What if you did xyZ and were ok? But I've never been ok? Nothing has ever worked.
Do I push to go back into hospital? Try too? With probably getting rejected like no you're fine or not. Really the majority of me longs for the idea of taking SN and just going to sleep. It will all be done and this shit show of my life would be done too