ctb sunday night, i feel like human sludge

[monetpompo]

i'm gonna slip out of the house at 1 am and take an uber into the woods. i'll walk deep into the woods and hang myself there. i got into a fight with my mom today because she doesn't see me as a person and thinks she can constantly be in my face whenever i leave my room. i kept on telling her to go away and then she started shouting at me and told me no one respects her. no one respects her because she is incapable of respecting anyone around her or acting like a normal person. she kept on yelling at me to leave the house and become homeless. this is the only threat she can tell me. i used to wish that she would throw me out when i was younger so that i would die of starvation or get murdered. she knows i can't live if i don't have a job or anywhere to go. she keeps on acting like i'm choosing to stay here when i can't afford to move out. tomorrow, she's going to pretend she didn't shout at me and expect me to forgive her. she's done this a million times. what does she think that it accomplishes? the only thing she does for me is make money so that i can live in her house. she doesn't do anything else. she barely makes enough money to keep the house.

on sunday i'm going to die. i told her i would do it. i said it was her fault. earlier today, i was wondering about if there was an afterlife. i guess no one can really know. i'm just tired of feeling alone and like i'm a burden to everyone around me. my mom sees me as a burden and wants me to like her even though i think that looking at her face is disgusting. my dad doesn't do anything to help because my mom doesn't respect him either. i hope she knows how much i hate her. i know that she's never wanted me since i was born. i'm sick of her acting like she's a good person when all she's ever done is make my life worse. it feels like the scariest part of committing suicide is wanting to tell people so badly because you just want them to care.

 

[thaelyana]

Hey, be careful … don't do this if you haven't really thought it through. You seem upset, like you're jumping on the offer impulsively. I'm begging you, please think it over. If not… then safe travels

 

[finallydone]

i was wondering about if there was an afterlife. i guess no one can really know

chances are there is more likely nothing after we die, however i personally think what makes us cling to the idea is first being brainwashed as kids, then developing a certain feeling of "importance", thinking that an afterlife will some how preserve us in some form

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry for your suffering

 

[evanescent_eva]

We're in this together, monet <33

I'm sorry your mom doesn't respect you like you deserve. You deserve to be seen and supported through your suffering, and not made to feel like you're a burden. I'm having a hard time stringing words together because my end date is also tomorrow, and I'm having lots of emotions and uncertainty about it. But it sounds like you're certain.

I don't know if there's an afterlife either, but if there is, I hope it causes you less pain than this life has. I've also had a hard time not telling people, because I want people to care so damn badly. But I don't know that people caring about me is enough anymore. I think we just want the pain to stop. I think we just want the pain to stop. I think we just want the pain to stop.

 

[spero_meliora]

I'm so sorry for your suffering - I wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

i'm gonna slip out of the house at 1 am and take an uber into the woods. i'll walk deep into the woods and hang myself there. i got into a fight with my mom today because she doesn't see me as a person and thinks she can constantly be in my face whenever i leave my room. i kept on telling her to go away and then she started shouting at me and told me no one respects her. no one respects her because she is incapable of respecting anyone around her or acting like a normal person. she kept on yelling at me to leave the house and become homeless. this is the only threat she can tell me. i used to wish that she would throw me out when i was younger so that i would die of starvation or get murdered. she knows i can't live if i don't have a job or anywhere to go. she keeps on acting like i'm choosing to stay here when i can't afford to move out. tomorrow, she's going to pretend she didn't shout at me and expect me to forgive her. she's done this a million times. what does she think that it accomplishes? the only thing she does for me is make money so that i can live in her house. she doesn't do anything else. she barely makes enough money to keep the house.

on sunday i'm going to die. i told her i would do it. i said it was her fault. earlier today, i was wondering about if there was an afterlife. i guess no one can really know. i'm just tired of feeling alone and like i'm a burden to everyone around me. my mom sees me as a burden and wants me to like her even though i think that looking at her face is disgusting. my dad doesn't do anything to help because my mom doesn't respect him either. i hope she knows how much i hate her. i know that she's never wanted me since i was born. i'm sick of her acting like she's a good person when all she's ever done is make my life worse. it feels like the scariest part of committing suicide is wanting to tell people so badly because you just want them to care.

If you want to hang yourself then prepare everything very well before that, so that you don't have to suffer too long and it'll end as fast as possible.
I'm sorry really my situation is similar, my parents also sometimes out of nowhere start to argue and say we want you out, it's terrible, isn't it, they brought us here, couldn't they realize that they are not made for being good parents and never brought us here. Instead they could have buy a fish in aquarium but no they gave us this endless suffering only because society wants you to make a family doesn't matter how incompetent you are.

 

[AuraByte]

I care, OP.

Would you consider sticking around just a bit longer, for me? Just until you're old enough to get out from under your parent's roof?

I'd prefer for you to make this decision in more comfortable circumstances rather than impulse. And if you're looking for a sign to hold on, let this be it.

 

[Sziroka]

Please don't make this decision impulsively as it's irreversible... I'm sorry your mother is causing so much suffering, I don't know your age and the circumstances, but eventually you will be able to get a job which will help you move away from her and it will give you the peace you're seeking.
If you are sure about your decision please make sure you are well prepared for it, and be safe