Story Ctb Tuesday morning (1/10)

[PullThePlug]

If all goes well, I will ctb early Tuesday morning, before sunrise.
I was planning to wait until the 22nd, but people started getting suspicious/concerned for my well-being yesterday and my doctor scheduled an impromptu appointment for Tuesday at 7:30am so I have to be gone by then. He is aware of too much for me to successfully downplay things. I decided yesterday afternoon to expedite the process to the 10th instead. That has left me scrambling to get everything done in 60 hours that I thought I had two weeks for. I've had SN for 3-4 months now, and I am very happy now that I was prepared enough to be able to bump up the deadline.

The plan is to drink the drink by 2am. I have scheduled two emails that will be sent at 6am to two of the people that are more responsible for my community. The emails will say what has happened and give each person the latitude or longitude of the exact location where my body will be. That way they will have to communicate with each other in order to get the other part of the coordinates.

I'm planning to leave as little evidence as possible as to my method so that on the off chance I am found early, the antidote (methylene blue) will not be called for as quickly.

It's surreal knowing that my consciousness will cease to exist in less than two days.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I was going to also go Tuesday morning around 9, but I might delay it now. I'm having some second thoughts. I also was going to make sure there is little evidence as possible of the SN. Where are you doing this? How are you feeling?

 

[FuneralCry]

I always really envy those who are leaving this awful world. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for, best of luck.

 

[PullThePlug]

I was going to also go Tuesday morning around 9, but I might delay it now. I'm having some second thoughts. I also was going to make sure there is little evidence as possible of the SN. Where are you doing this? How are you feeling?

I'm going to do it in the woods about a quarter mile from my apartment building. I found a spot where I can sit against the base of a large tree, surrounded by denser undergrowth that should hide me from a distance. It'll be below freezing, but not too cold, and dry, so I don't think it'll be very uncomfortable in that respect.

I'm feeling like this is the only way out of this situation, which is how I designed it to be when I set things in motion back in June.* If I am not successful, or if I back out, I can guarantee you my doctor will put me in a psych ward by Tuesday noon. If I lose this opportunity, I doubt I will ever get another one this good. I've been in the hospital twice and after this I would be at the point where no one would let me be alone for many months. I had fooled my doctors that everything was fine until last week when I said the wrong thing to someone who went and told my doctor.

*I've been on the brink several times before and everytime I backed out because I thought I had things to lose that were worth keeping. So when I set this plan in motion almost 7 months ago, I made sure there would be immediate and near-future consequences to force my hand.

 

[Wannagonow]

Wishing you a peaceful journey. Hopeful for you that you find what you're looking for.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra