MidnightCat
Still 3 more lives to go.
- Jan 1, 2023
- 219
Dad died a year-ish ago. Today was his birthday.
I'm devastated. I did not go to the hospital till it was too late "because he was fine", until he wasn't. He ended up dying while I was holding his hand, the second we where alone in his room.
I worried him many many times. He was always there for me and he was the only one whom I could really speak and explain all the things.
I never visited him often enough. I never was a good son.
In the end I tried to do my best, I'm the only one who helped move his coffin. I couldn't bare the sight of him in there. Somehow I felt like the reaper itself.
Today I should go to the psychiatrist to give me more medication to try. He'd be happy that I'm going and really trying what my doctors give me.
But... It's so cold. Outside and inside my soul. It aches. I have to get up, put on my clothes, grab the motorcycle and drive to the hospital. And I'm not sure if I'm even capable of doing it.
I'm trying, I swear. But I... I'm not sure I can do this.
Sorry, just... Needed to vent a little...
I'm devastated. I did not go to the hospital till it was too late "because he was fine", until he wasn't. He ended up dying while I was holding his hand, the second we where alone in his room.
I worried him many many times. He was always there for me and he was the only one whom I could really speak and explain all the things.
I never visited him often enough. I never was a good son.
In the end I tried to do my best, I'm the only one who helped move his coffin. I couldn't bare the sight of him in there. Somehow I felt like the reaper itself.
Today I should go to the psychiatrist to give me more medication to try. He'd be happy that I'm going and really trying what my doctors give me.
But... It's so cold. Outside and inside my soul. It aches. I have to get up, put on my clothes, grab the motorcycle and drive to the hospital. And I'm not sure if I'm even capable of doing it.
I'm trying, I swear. But I... I'm not sure I can do this.
Sorry, just... Needed to vent a little...