Yes, I don't see myself as deserving something so cruel and torturous as existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for with no limit as to how much one can be tortured. I wish I never suffered in this existence more than anything, to me existence really is an abomination that just causes so much harm and suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway and I always suffer so much from being trapped in this dreadful, deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as a mistake.