Dealing with the guilt of leaving people behind and hurting them.

[failedmind]

I don't have a very big family, but my mom and nephew are my world. They are my best friends. My mom is absolutely everything to me and I'm the same for her. My nephew is 7 and he means everything to me. I also have an amazing boyfriend.

I know I will CTB, no doubt. I'm already in the process of planning everything. It makes me feel calm, but then when I start thinking of the hurt I will leave them with I start crying like uncontrollably. (like I'm doing while writing this)

It's going to hurt them so much. I know it will. They will be crushed. I don't know how to deal with that. It physically pains me knowing I will leave them but I also know I can't handle life anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand finding it unbearable to exist, it's so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[whiteboyswithars]

I understand this a lot actually. I love my girlfriend more than anything and she made me promise I wouldn't kill myself. Lord I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting her so badly, but I can't keep living. She is the only reason I feel guilty about killing myself but it really makes the whole process 10x more difficult for me morally. Just wanted to let you know I understand

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I don't have a very big family, but my mom and nephew are my world. They are my best friends. My mom is absolutely everything to me and I'm the same for her. My nephew is 7 and he means everything to me. I also have an amazing boyfriend.

I know I will CTB, no doubt. I'm already in the process of planning everything. It makes me feel calm, but then when I start thinking of the hurt I will leave them with I start crying like uncontrollably. (like I'm doing while writing this)

It's going to hurt them so much. I know it will. They will be crushed. I don't know how to deal with that. It physically pains me knowing I will leave them but I also know I can't handle life anymore.

You're not alone and it just goes on to show that you're a person who genuinely cares about those important to you. Maybe you can leave hints that it's not their fault, spend some time with them so they know you're important to them despite all the pain you're going through? Some plans maybe for when you're gone so they'll have, I don't know, maybe a bond together that'll help them stay strong?

Sometimes I fantasize about my friends becoming my mother's support if I decide to CTB and her sort of adopting them. It'd be a way for them all to remember me, but more importantly for them to stay together and fill the void my weak ass would leave in the world once I decide to call it quits. She'd have more than one weak son, she'd have a dozen lovely sons and daughters, and my friends would have more than one friend who couldn't appreciate them enough, they'd have a lovely and unconditional woman by their side.