Games Dear Deidre

[kkatt]

In case you're not familiar with it, "Dear Deidre" is Britains most famous agony aunt column. Deidre advises the nation concerning their eye opening complications in life.
Often it's hard to believe them to be credible and suspicions of fictionalisation abounds.
Let's play this game!!

Send your imaginary problems to Deidre in this thread (no genuine troubles-there's the rest of SS for that- let's keep this one light hearted). Doesn't have to belong.Just a few lines will do.

Here's a few examples in case. https://www.buzzfeed.com/scottybryan/weird-letters-printed-on-the-suns-dear-deidre-page
https://babe.net/2017/01/04/think-bad-2016-spare-thought-poor-dear-deirdre-fans-718

 

[Kyrok]

Dear Deidre, my neighbor has built a piranha-filled mote around his home and has a giant armored tartigrade constantly patrolling the single bridge across. The problem is that I lent him my quantum eraser experiment kit before this happened and I need it back. He's not answering his phone and my only option seems to be to ring his front door.

What should I do?

 

[kkatt]

Dear Deidre,



My hubby is the best looking bloke in town. You probably don't believe me but you should see all the women stare at him when we walk in the pub. They're all so jealous of me. We're just like one of those Hollywood couples, for real. He even has one of those stylish gold plated chains I got him at Elizabeth Duke.

When I met him,4 years back,he was just a bin man but now he drives the truck and everything. He's going places,see. He says I shouldn't work and women need to stay at home so men have a nice hot dinner on the table when they get home. Of course he's right. He pays child support to 3 women who all claim he got them knocked up. They're just dreaming of course but the woman at the DNA clinic is so jealous that she fiddles the results just to try and break us up.

He works late most nights. What a hero,doing that for me. Sometimes he works all night and has to use perfume to cover up the smell from bins. He's got such a kind heart. He even get's condoms free from the clinic to give to his work pals so they don't have to pay.

The thing is Deidre,my sister fancies him too (same as all the other poor bints round here). He says he isn't interested and that she's a bit of a slapper (she actually is cos she shagged that Terry who works in the chippy for a free battered sausage).

She's started messing about though. She sneakily hid one of her old bras in the back seat of his car a few weeks ago. Then she showed me a text saying it was from him. He says she paid some chap on Facebook for it. The same one that made the photo of them sharing a kebab on the night bus. She even got his name tattooed on her arse.

I feel a bit sorry for her,like. He's such a dreamboat and so clever too. He's really experienced too. But he's got me and I look shit hot in that new nylon nightie from the market. What can I do to get it through her thick head that he's never gonna be hers?

 

[kkatt]

Dear Deidre



My cousin told me he lost his virginity when he was 14.

I think I've found it. Will he still want it?

 

[Firecaste]

Dear Deidre,



My hubby is the best looking bloke in town. You probably don't believe me but you should see all the women stare at him when we walk in the pub. They're all so jealous of me. We're just like one of those Hollywood couples, for real. He even has one of those stylish gold plated chains I got him at Elizabeth Duke.

When I met him,4 years back,he was just a bin man but now he drives the truck and everything. He's going places,see. He says I shouldn't work and women need to stay at home so men have a nice hot dinner on the table when they get home. Of course he's right. He pays child support to 3 women who all claim he got them knocked up. They're just dreaming of course but the woman at the DNA clinic is so jealous that she fiddles the results just to try and break us up.

He works late most nights. What a hero,doing that for me. Sometimes he works all night and has to use perfume to cover up the smell from bins. He's got such a kind heart. He even get's condoms free from the clinic to give to his work pals so they don't have to pay.

The thing is Deidre,my sister fancies him too (same as all the other poor bints round here). He says he isn't interested and that she's a bit of a slapper (she actually is cos she shagged that Terry who works in the chippy for a free battered sausage).

She's started messing about though. She sneakily hid one of her old bras in the back seat of his car a few weeks ago. Then she showed me a text saying it was from him. He says she paid some chap on Facebook for it. The same one that made the photo of them sharing a kebab on the night bus. She even got his name tattooed on her arse.

I feel a bit sorry for her,like. He's such a dreamboat and so clever too. He's really experienced too. But he's got me and I look shit hot in that new nylon nightie from the market. What can I do to get it through her thick head that he's never gonna be hers?

Uhh, life experience? ^^

 

[kkatt]

Uhh, life experience? ^^

This specific delusion belongs to an ex co-worker who will remain nameless. So in a way,yeah, I guess it is.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Dear Deirdrie,
I recently ordered a deluxe rubber doll online, however I wasn't in when it was delivered, as I had to attend the doctors for an intimate problem in the bottom region.
It was left with my neighbour who I very rarely see, It looks as if it has been opened and definitely used.
I can't return it as there is a no return policy,
I'm definitely sure that my neighbour used it, but I can't ask him because he's been in jail numerous times for various acts of violence.
What should I do Deirdrie? as it cost me a lot of money, I had to save for eighteen months to be able to afford it.
Sincerely
Reginald Britintroch