Debating being honest in my suicide notes

[affirmatice]

I'm likely CTB during the new years sometime due to dental issues which has made my existence hell. These stem from early childhood (10-13 years old)

No… I don't want to hear that this is a solvable problem. I have been completely unable to smile, laugh, enjoy food, feel confident for the last 5 years. It has consistently given me indescribable depression, regret, and anxiety. With any and all dental options available, I know they exist, and have researched extensively, but am almost certain I would still carry extensive dysmorphia, anxiety, and shame. I can't see a future in which this doesn't completely dominate my life and thoughts. I'm only 22… I don't want to spend the rest of my life fighting to regain something as basic as my smile.

I have the notes all written. In my note to my family, I did not specify the issue and told them how much I loved them and thanked them. The truth is, I carry an insane amount of anger and my parents for letting this happen to me.

They do care for me, they've given me a lot of opportunity in this life, and they themselves have stressful lives. Yet with my health and hygiene, they completely let this slip when I was a young child, and I cannot forgive them.

this part of me that's become filled with hate just wants to write a note, yelling at them for what they've done. The broken person they've made me. But that would also just bring them guilt and pain. And I still do love them, and know they worked hard for me, despite their shortcomings.

 

[TennTrixie]

I understand how you feel. I am also planning to CTB due to health issues that will make for a miserable life. Maybe you can write a letter explaining your "why" without explicitly stating that is their fault. If you describe what is bringing you to this point, referring to your dental problems saying something like "due to my childhood dental neglect" or something like that to explain it, they will probably know it is their fault. It will be traumatic for them anyway without you yelling at them.

 

[NegevChina]

It seems it will be hard for them anyway even with out the guilt. I've been thinking what to leave in my notes in order not to traumatize any one. I'll only express love and thanks and regret for having no other choice, let them know about my suffering and wish for them to be happy.

 

[Goosechan]

What is your aim in writing the notes? Do you want to feel heard and understood? If you, I'd recommend being honest, there's a lot of gradations in there too when it comes to tone and choice of words.
But if you wanna comfort your family with a final message I'd maybe leave certain things out. It's really hard to tell from only a post, but I hope that thinking about the purpose and aim of your note will help you decide what to put in.

 

[mangotango0249]

Fuck, Im in an exact same boat as you. I;m writing down every little things have done/denied from me that caused all the pain in my life. I get that their hyper competitive nature in Asian culture made them send me to the other side of the globe but...growing up withoit family and not having anyone to talk to or ask for help when every fucked up thing in my life happened as a teenager, i cant forgive. fuck that.