plan c
My last resort.
- Nov 8, 2022
- 121
Okay. I decide to start writing about my experiences at sasu and with my mental health issues. This is where i keep these entries.
It's mainly about my mental status, things i encounter and learn, ppl i meet and spend time with. There will be venting as well. tho I'll try to be honest and neutrally-friendly most of the times.
I'll keep triggering elements at a minimum. When I do include writing that is potentally disturbing i'll use spoilers with explicit mentions. Otherwise a spoiler is used just to tidy up the interface.
U may find my words too mechanical probably. it looks like weather forcasting or AI-generated sometimes. dont mind me :)
Entry 1. Apr. 11, 2025.
sleep: 20:51 (-1D)
wake: 4:03
bipolar: Hybrid
avail: low
therapy: -
Hello sasu. It's a fair day in hk. i have too low availability to walk the harbour, neither can i write too much. i have a clue thst sth triggered me earlier and i had to spend lots of cognitive resources walking it off. but i think i got quite decent sleep. perhaps the best in the past 30 days.
I've seen lots of goodbye threads lately. although i subjectively try to respond to them i find myself getting emotionally worn out gradually. It's not like that i dont care for ppl anymore, but rather i cannot allocate too much cog-res i'm already short of.
Entertainment and distraction no longer works too well for me. I know i cant waste too much energy. Need to hold the fort with whatever is left.
I hope i find some power to finish my work. and an online course about clinical psychology. im sorry (to myself) i hardly progressed on both. The minecraft movie has rolled out and i really hope i could find it in my mind to watch it too.
I also apologize (to myself) that i lied to my parents. I didn't go to therapy today. And i didn't meet my doctor bc i was in a distorted state and couldn't leave my house. I hope i don't judge myself for this. at least dont let it linger in my subconsciousness too long.
I'm gonna grab my first meal. For too long the words "breakfast, lunch and dinner" has become somewhat alien to me. it's bc of dsps. (delayed-sleep-phase syndrome or whatever abbr. it could be) Anyway I'm gonna live with this for years to come.
Being on sasu has helped me a lot. It's good to see ppl here both accepting and resonating with my emotions, and are honestly open about their feelings too. My subconsciousness is becoming more accessible, and im more aware of what i feel or think deep down, having more management over the complexity of my mentality in general. Strangely it's far better for my mental health than some "pro-life" media / forums.
Anyway it's good to see ya all!
P.S. I decide to start doing some geocaching, bc i suppose through this i'd be capable of correlating a place with some unique new memories, that is potentially gonna override traumatic ones. Also it's one of the few offline/ outdoors stuff available over 24-hrs. I have a motorbike and a bicycle and i also think i'm not a noob in finding streets or buildings around hk. im open to all kinda tips and suggestions!
It's mainly about my mental status, things i encounter and learn, ppl i meet and spend time with. There will be venting as well. tho I'll try to be honest and neutrally-friendly most of the times.
I'll keep triggering elements at a minimum. When I do include writing that is potentally disturbing i'll use spoilers with explicit mentions. Otherwise a spoiler is used just to tidy up the interface.
U may find my words too mechanical probably. it looks like weather forcasting or AI-generated sometimes. dont mind me :)
Entry 1. Apr. 11, 2025.
sleep: 20:51 (-1D)
wake: 4:03
bipolar: Hybrid
avail: low
therapy: -
Hello sasu. It's a fair day in hk. i have too low availability to walk the harbour, neither can i write too much. i have a clue thst sth triggered me earlier and i had to spend lots of cognitive resources walking it off. but i think i got quite decent sleep. perhaps the best in the past 30 days.
I've seen lots of goodbye threads lately. although i subjectively try to respond to them i find myself getting emotionally worn out gradually. It's not like that i dont care for ppl anymore, but rather i cannot allocate too much cog-res i'm already short of.
Entertainment and distraction no longer works too well for me. I know i cant waste too much energy. Need to hold the fort with whatever is left.
I hope i find some power to finish my work. and an online course about clinical psychology. im sorry (to myself) i hardly progressed on both. The minecraft movie has rolled out and i really hope i could find it in my mind to watch it too.
I also apologize (to myself) that i lied to my parents. I didn't go to therapy today. And i didn't meet my doctor bc i was in a distorted state and couldn't leave my house. I hope i don't judge myself for this. at least dont let it linger in my subconsciousness too long.
I'm gonna grab my first meal. For too long the words "breakfast, lunch and dinner" has become somewhat alien to me. it's bc of dsps. (delayed-sleep-phase syndrome or whatever abbr. it could be) Anyway I'm gonna live with this for years to come.
Being on sasu has helped me a lot. It's good to see ppl here both accepting and resonating with my emotions, and are honestly open about their feelings too. My subconsciousness is becoming more accessible, and im more aware of what i feel or think deep down, having more management over the complexity of my mentality in general. Strangely it's far better for my mental health than some "pro-life" media / forums.
Anyway it's good to see ya all!
P.S. I decide to start doing some geocaching, bc i suppose through this i'd be capable of correlating a place with some unique new memories, that is potentially gonna override traumatic ones. Also it's one of the few offline/ outdoors stuff available over 24-hrs. I have a motorbike and a bicycle and i also think i'm not a noob in finding streets or buildings around hk. im open to all kinda tips and suggestions!
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