Discussion Dependent personality disorder? Anyone else feel helpless about living life alone?

[quietbird]

This is embarrassing for me to share... I am hoping readers will be gentle.

Around ten years ago my mh diagnosis grew from depression/anxiety into including some personality disorders. I have Avoidant and Dependent. It may sound silly... But these strongly dictate my life. I feel helpless. Incapable. And I am both of those things. I will not know how to exist.

My parents are getting older...I have no family and no real friends. I am so afraid of being alone. This is a strong reason why I want to ctb. I will have no one. And I'm not independent or self-sufficent.

There's no good solutions... Making random friends never works. There's no group home that's permanent. I won't have enough money to live. I don't even drive.

(I also have been miserable and have had no wish to live for years. And I've been in therapy and on meds for many years.)

Does anyone relate to these feelings or fears at all?

 

[snwcolt]

Absolutely, this is a big reason I tend to massively overreact when romantic relationships fall apart

 

[quietbird]

Absolutely, this is a big reason I tend to massively overreact when romantic relationships fall apart

Yes. A major theme in my life as well. Sending you a hug.

 

[krazykat]

Don't feel alone. Although I've never heard of Avoidant & Dependent, I can relate to what you're describing. Gonna do a little research...

 

[BlueLock]

I completely understand what you're going through, I may not officially be diagnosed but I have very strong avoidant tendencies and traits. I have crippling low self esteem and often run away from/sabotage relationships with other people out of fear of being rejected/abandoned. I can barely stand to go out and I don't work or drive either. The loneliness gets to me sometimes and I often think about what could've been or that I ought to off myself because its such a pervasive issue in my life. Its awful and lonely however I don't think people like us are doomed to be slaves to our fears I think there's a lot of hope for us, we're just a little more sensitive and fearful than other people. There's worse things to be and you must always keep in mind that avoidant/dependent personality disorders will convince you are worthless even when you aren't, the feelings we have are real but the logic behind them isn't.

 

[gunsucker]

This is embarrassing for me to share... I am hoping readers will be gentle.

Around ten years ago my mh diagnosis grew from depression/anxiety into including some personality disorders. I have Avoidant and Dependent. It may sound silly... But these strongly dictate my life. I feel helpless. Incapable. And I am both of those things. I will not know how to exist.

My parents are getting older...I have no family and no real friends. I am so afraid of being alone. This is a strong reason why I want to ctb. I will have no one. And I'm not independent or self-sufficent.

There's no good solutions... Making random friends never works. There's no group home that's permanent. I won't have enough money to live. I don't even drive.

(I also have been miserable and have had no wish to live for years. And I've been in therapy and on meds for many years.)

Does anyone relate to these feelings or fears at all?

I'm sure a lot of us does. I just graduated from highschool with no actual plan on what I am supposed to do. The friends I made when I was once mentally okay are all slowly drifting away, and all of the random friends I have made recently also never stick for long. I don't know if these are the words you need to hear to comfort you, but yes, you are not alone and we relate to you. Wish you the best man, this world is not made for folks like us.

 

[quietbird]

I completely understand what you're going through, I may not officially be diagnosed but I have very strong avoidant tendencies and traits. I have crippling low self esteem and often run away from/sabotage relationships with other people out of fear of being rejected/abandoned. I can barely stand to go out and I don't work or drive either. The loneliness gets to me sometimes and I often think about what could've been or that I ought to off myself because its such a pervasive issue in my life. Its awful and lonely however I don't think people like us are doomed to be slaves to our fears I think there's a lot of hope for us, we're just a little more sensitive and fearful than other people. There's worse things to be and you must always keep in mind that avoidant/dependent personality disorders will convince you are worthless even when you aren't, the feelings we have are real but the logic behind them isn't.

Being slaves to our fears- that's phrased so well, and I feel exactly that way. I love your hopeful comment, it's really sweet. Thank you. I hope you are able to tell yourself similar things about how anxiety and depression are lying to us. (I know it's hard to believe our own insights for others, but I do think it's true.) Our amygdala works faster than our cortex (I was reading about this a little) and it's hard to control that because the amygdala kicks into gear to protect us like every fear is an actual predator. It's so very hard to outlogic. I avoid the scary things but now I'm supposed to face them as I'll have no other choices. Very daunting. Sending a hug.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Ive never even had a relationship and Im hopelessly lonely. I used to be convinced that it would happen eventually and things were just temporary's, but that "temporary" situation has lasted for more than half a lifetime now without even a hint of things ever changing.

 

[ilvgore]

personally i dont have dependent personality disorder but i might have avpd which is also a personaloty disorder i know how much it interferes with our lives
i hate having friends because then im constantly in panic mode because im afraid they will leave me and fri(end)ships aren't permanent i hate having all those social feelings

i dont know how to manage my life withoit other people without i have no life i invest all i have into them i have no personality my personality is stupid people pleasing

 

[Hollowman]

I can relate. I'll be completely screwed when my mom dies. She's been helping me my whole life. Homelessness isn't an option.

 

[quietbird]

I can relate. I'll be completely screwed when my mom dies. She's been helping me my whole life. Homelessness isn't an option.

What will we do? Seriously. I cannot imagine.

 

[Hollowman]

What will we do? Seriously. I cannot imagine.

I've been planning for years to ctb the day she dies or shortly after. Not that I'm in a hurry for that to happen.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

I can relate. What I'd say to a stranger that's in this position is that they have to start somewhere to get more independent while they still have someone to fall back on (your parents in your case) but you prob heard this many times already. Although I'm not able to follow my own advice and I know suicide is more comforting to think about, like when things will go bad, thinking that it's ok, I will have suicide as a back up plan, thing is, dying is also very hard, just like living so there's no guarantee.
There's also a good chance that you'll be able to fend off on your own when you're just faced with the reality of not having a safety net anymore, but that will be considerably harder than if you began slowly now.