Resource Depression: if you have the dosh, blow it on rTMS

[LittleJem]

Dear all - I a veteran now of this site and have suffered constant suicidal thoughts, agitation and misery for many years and it has been utter torture. I will always be pro choice. I think my depression is linked to a form of autism and also to trauma and genetics, though who can know. I have now had no suicidal thoughts for maybe a week (apart from a day or two of PMT, which was much less bad than usual) thanks to rTMS. It is early days, and I also feel lucky that I am responding, I did not think I would. rTMS has 60-70 % efficacy for treatment resistant depression (btw the PMT was helped by St John's Wort - which is still the most helpful pill I have tried so far)...

The videos on YouTube about rTMS tell it better than I can. The moment it changed, the world changed - and today I had a day of happiness. I was walking down the road finding people attractive, finding the world beautiful. This was a world of difference from my usual misery.

So if you have the dosh - it is expensive - but I have been so miserable for so long and wanting to end my life - I highly recommend you blow it on rTMS.

I wish they had a machine in every doctor's surgery and I wish it was more widely known.

I don't know how long it will last for me or what the maintenance will be for it - but to have even this time without suicidal thoughts and constant misery is worth it for me. I am sending all of you my very best wishes and hope this brings some hope to a few people and that it is an avenue to try for recovery.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Awesome, thanks for sharing. Really glad you finally have some relief. :)

 

[Donk]

I'm in my third week of treatment and still haven't notice any difference in mood. Very disappointed but on the bright side I'm one step closer to CTB.

 

[Nymph]

I'm glad it worked for you

 

[Mentalmick]

What is rtms?

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

What is rtms?

Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation. It's an alternative treatment for those who have severe/stubborn depression, among other things. It doesn't have the undesirable side effects of ECT, and no anesthesia is required unlike ECT. Although I've heard it can worsen anxiety?

 

[LittleJem]

Hi everyone - I'm having a bad day today - I have PMT at the moment. I'm going to complete the course of treatment - like ECT, people do relapse from it, but it can give remissione for several months. It is so pricey and the maintenance is pricey. I'm going to get a Flow headset to help with teh maintenance.

Goodness knows what I'm trying next! Maybe nothing's gonna work.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Hi everyone - I'm having a bad day today - I have PMT at the moment. I'm going to complete the course of treatment - like ECT, people do relapse from it, but it can give remissione for several months. It is so pricey and the maintenance is pricey. I'm going to get a Flow headset to help with teh maintenance.

Goodness knows what I'm trying next! Maybe nothing's gonna work.

Huge respect to you for fighting so hard, though. I admire your tenacity.

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you @BitterlyAlive_
I have really had enough of this today though - I can't think straight again, can't get anything done. As you say, I've tried so much now. There's nothing much left to do. I know there's lots of us in this situation.
My next thing will be a lot of psychedelics I guess after this course of treatment. In a clinical setting they'd have a therapist next to you - but that is impossible with the current legal status.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

This isn't intended to put anyone off of trying TMS, but whenever an rTMS thread pops up I feel obligated to mention that very rarely, people have negative experiences with TMS beyond the expected side effects. As an example. TMS actually triggered my first mixed episode (10/10 experience, would definitely confirm BP diagnosis this way again), and there are a bunch of published case reports that mention TMS-induced mania in BP patients. Fortunately this seems to be a non-issue if you're on a mood stabilizer, but if you have BP or think you might and aren't on a mood stabilizer maybe reconsider TMS. I've also read accounts of people developing migraines and things like that.

That being said, all of the above is extremely unlikely to happen. Don't let this deter you from trying TMS; I just want people to be aware of possible issues that TMS providers tend to gloss over or outright deny. I've read a lot of stories about TMS being a godsend for people, and it has definitely done more good for people than bad. Everything has risks, so I won't flippantly say that if you have the money/insurance coverage you should give it a shot, but it's at least worth looking into.

My next thing will be a lot of psychedelics I guess after this course of treatment. In a clinical setting they'd have a therapist next to you - but that is impossible with the current legal status.

I've actually seen some psychiatrists who will do "ketamine assisted" psychotherapy. It's disgustingly expensive, but strictly speaking it exists. I don't know anyone who's tried it, though.

 

[LittleJem]

@toadliy thank you - funny enough that is not one of the side effects they mention! They also don't talk about relapse rates, it's only now I am asking those questions...Sorry that happened to you.

My tms seems to be crashing out - I don't know if it will help again - it was hormones that took it down! I always get excited when something works, then I relapse.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

Thanks. The TMS centers sell the treatment really hard, so they like to gloss over things like that. At the place I went to they counted people who kept coming back for booster treatments as being in remission (or not counting them as relapses, I don't remember), so be sure to ask specifically about what percentage of patients need to come back for more treatments, and how soon after the initial course of TMS.

Your TMS provider might've told you about the "dip" that a lot of people experience partway through treatment, where you suddenly feel worse after having begun to feel better. That might be what's going on with you, in which case it'll pass. I can only imagine how hard it must be to have felt happiness, or even just a sense of relief, for the first time in so long and then to have it snatched away from you, but keep at it!

 

[Niftypoint124]

I've actually seen some psychiatrists who will do "ketamine assisted" psychotherapy. It's disgustingly expensive, but strictly speaking it exists. I don't know anyone who's tried it, though.

It's very pricey, and I think there's similar issues of providers glossing over side effects in the interest of getting those big checks. AFAIK, most insurances in the US won't cover ketamine assisted therapy.

I do have a friend with bipolar disorder who had a period of sustained recovery from his depressive/suicidal episodes while undergoing ketamine therapy, but it's incredibly cost-prohibitive for most - and, IME, the effects of the ketamine require upkeep for anyone with ongoing mental health issues. There's a new drug (again, in the US) recently approved for ketamine therapy that delivers the drug via nasal spray instead of IV, which means you go from spending 4-5 hours at a facility (between your IV treatment and the required "stay here so we know you won't die" aftercare) to something more like ~2-3 hours under observation post-dosing.

 

[mathieu]

Didn't work for me, sadly.

 

[LittleJem]

I did a bit of K at home. For me it is great for one hour or so - during which (when I was pretty bed ridden) I can, for example, tidy up and move around. But no lasting effects. When it works it is glorious! It feels like my brain is washed.
Infusions might last longer than home use.

 

[FocusExpert]

Dear all - I a veteran now of this site and have suffered constant suicidal thoughts, agitation and misery for many years and it has been utter torture. I will always be pro choice. I think my depression is linked to a form of autism and also to trauma and genetics, though who can know. I have now had no suicidal thoughts for maybe a week (apart from a day or two of PMT, which was much less bad than usual) thanks to rTMS. It is early days, and I also feel lucky that I am responding, I did not think I would. rTMS has 60-70 % efficacy for treatment resistant depression (btw the PMT was helped by St John's Wort - which is still the most helpful pill I have tried so far)...

The videos on YouTube about rTMS tell it better than I can. The moment it changed, the world changed - and today I had a day of happiness. I was walking down the road finding people attractive, finding the world beautiful. This was a world of difference from my usual misery.

So if you have the dosh - it is expensive - but I have been so miserable for so long and wanting to end my life - I highly recommend you blow it on rTMS.

I wish they had a machine in every doctor's surgery and I wish it was more widely known.

I don't know how long it will last for me or what the maintenance will be for it - but to have even this time without suicidal thoughts and constant misery is worth it for me. I am sending all of you my very best wishes and hope this brings some hope to a few people and that it is an avenue to try for recovery.

I took rTMS twice and it didn't help. Seemed very placebo to me.

 

[LittleJem]

yes, the next round is so expensive. I'm not sure it's worth doing.

 

[LittleJem]

Hello - update - the rTMS was knocked out by PMT for maybe a week - but now the hormones have passed, I am feeling relatively better again. Like a little anxious, but no suicidal thoughts now for two days. Which is generally unheard of for me. I am not taking any other medication or anything else at the moment - other than weed in the late afternoons/evenings - as weed makes me more able to laugh and in a better mood. But my baseline currently is bearable thanks to rTMS.

I think I am going to do Round 2. Then get myself a Flow headset and try and get a better paid job!!! So I can afford the rTMS.

I am also going to do FMT probably! Which sounds so gross (and is) but could be life changing. I seem to have found an EU-based supplier.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

Didn't work for me, sadly.

I feel the same way. I had 2 rounds of it.

I live in Canada if anyone is wondering about cost.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

thank you for posting this and sharing how it's going. I'm going to research this a bit and follow how it's working for you. I do not like being so over medicated all the time.

 

[perdredenord]

I'm so happy to hear it did good things for you. I have undergone two rounds of treatment cycles, and they have done nothing. It breaks my heart but I'm glad it helps others

 

[neitherherenorthere]

Oh wow, I never really thought about FMT as a possible treatment. The idea of finding a poop supplier is hilarious XD I hope it works for you!