_void
barely here
- Feb 22, 2025
- 32
I've always struggled with suicide ideation and failed attempts.
Last year was the most significant. For a whole weekend I went on a binge taking all the tablets I had trying to end my life...thay was until I took a the largest dose... boxes of benzos mixed with opiates mixed with antihistamines and alcohol.
I said goodbye to everyone, unfortunately I thought it was a good idea to leave voice notes when I was out of it.
I truly believed it was my time and I felt so connected to the other side, I already could feel where my soul would be going after I passed...
Unfortunately I woke up in a hospital. I don't remember how I got there.
Today my Mum asked me if I remembered how around this time last year she had to stay with me for a month when all of that went down. I didn't recall.. to my knowledge she was here for 3 days at most...my brain was quite damaged and is still healing and I was very out of it. The hurt I caused loved ones was severe, I saw the impact it had on them.
Yet, I still want to die. I don't belong here. I am grateful that this forum exists because it has taught me so much and has helped me prevent future damage. But life is not easy, I'm disabled and struggling alone. My quality of life being poor aside, I just don't resonate, no where feels like home, I feel such a deep longing to go back home in a place beyond the physical. It feels like a limbo...
I am scared of all other options, reading up on all the methods and experiences has scared me, they don't seem peaceful. I will never understand why it is deemed humane when we put our suffering pets to sleep but selfish when humans need this kindness, even if they are deeply suffering alone and have to endure this daily...
I'd love to go to a country where euthanasia is legal.
Until then I remain in limbo
And I feel many here can relate
thanks for reading,
sending you all love
Last year was the most significant. For a whole weekend I went on a binge taking all the tablets I had trying to end my life...thay was until I took a the largest dose... boxes of benzos mixed with opiates mixed with antihistamines and alcohol.
I said goodbye to everyone, unfortunately I thought it was a good idea to leave voice notes when I was out of it.
I truly believed it was my time and I felt so connected to the other side, I already could feel where my soul would be going after I passed...
Unfortunately I woke up in a hospital. I don't remember how I got there.
Today my Mum asked me if I remembered how around this time last year she had to stay with me for a month when all of that went down. I didn't recall.. to my knowledge she was here for 3 days at most...my brain was quite damaged and is still healing and I was very out of it. The hurt I caused loved ones was severe, I saw the impact it had on them.
Yet, I still want to die. I don't belong here. I am grateful that this forum exists because it has taught me so much and has helped me prevent future damage. But life is not easy, I'm disabled and struggling alone. My quality of life being poor aside, I just don't resonate, no where feels like home, I feel such a deep longing to go back home in a place beyond the physical. It feels like a limbo...
I am scared of all other options, reading up on all the methods and experiences has scared me, they don't seem peaceful. I will never understand why it is deemed humane when we put our suffering pets to sleep but selfish when humans need this kindness, even if they are deeply suffering alone and have to endure this daily...
I'd love to go to a country where euthanasia is legal.
Until then I remain in limbo
And I feel many here can relate
thanks for reading,
sending you all love
