Despite all this torturing chronic physical pain, I will try to live to not let those who want to see me die win

[iji]

So many people wanna see me disappear and backstab me, even professional healthcare workers. I can't let their evilness win me over. I will try to survive this torturing and agonizing chronic physical pain (that makes me suicidal) for the sake of surviving. After all, I was born. So if having to experience such pain and agonize until old age is part of this, I ideally shall accept. Even though I despise this so imperfect reality, this so imperfect universe, full of pain, suffering, chaos. Why does this even exist? I need to create something else. I need to free existence.

The pain made this hard to write (and it's not even that bad right now), but I did it.

Now I can see. This person in my family was right. He did not let people kill him, Instead, he did withstand the pain and went as God intended.

 

[Ysnmldao]

Honestly this sounds like the best way to overcome those suicidal thoughts, that come from chronic physical pain. I'm not a pro lifer but if you feel like life still holds meaning for you then you should continue giving it a go.
And yeah, we're all imperfect. I know I can't fathom the pain you may be going through, but I think the best advice I know and I'm going through with is,"Just live. if it gets really, really bad, you can ctb then. But until then, live"
And if you're trying to get better just don't think of the bad side of it/suicide. I tried, personally, and it helped for a while. But it always comes up.

Anyway, goodluck with your journey, soldier!

 

[smpkie]

Thank you for the fact that you keep on fighting. You are such a strong soul and it breaks my heart to see you struggle. Please keep on fighting for yourself, continue living no matter what the horrible people around you think of you. <3 I hope you find inner peace

 

[Rounded Agony]

some pretty disabled friends of mine are in large part continuing to live specifically to spite the vile medical system that has no real interest in helping them, and in this nation, would much rather give them a lethal injection than the modest support they need to have a better quality of life. they aren't sure they'll never get the bus, but every day survived is one more "fuck you" to those people and systems that would gleefully euthanize us.
i am hoping as my own flesh prison continues to erode, i can find such strength. god speed to you, and wishing you well

 

[iji]

...Anyway, goodluck with your journey, soldier!

Thank you...<3 I hope you find inner peace

...god speed to you, and wishing you well

Yesterday just some time after writing this I was in agony. But I did withstand. Thank you all very much for all your empathy, beautiful words, and sharing stories. It means a lot. It's something that makes me appreciate and happy despite all the suffering. I also wish you all well and/or that we're at least be able to still try. Thank you all!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you succeed! Stay strong!

 

[Electra]

All the best to you!