did you have anyone in your life who comitted suicide, so you feel less bad about your own future suicide?

[SufferingInDenmark]

or even just someone you followed online.
my grandpa turned down the ambulance when he was having like a heart attack or whatever... that's pretty close to suicide.

my grandma actively stopped eating, i think she did have appetite, but a type of slow suicide maybe.

my other grandma was given a lethal dose of something when she was suffering.

i think maybe even my dad, possibly. it's still unclear exactly what happened with my dad.

it makes me feel less "alone" in my future suicide... bc i feel like i'll see them soon, maybe, who knows.
in some way or another

 

[DTA]

My uncle jumped in front of a train.
He was an avid bicyclist and was struck by a car. It injured his neck really badly and prevented him from riding anymore. So one night he parked his truck near some railroad tracks and waited for the train to approach them jumped.
He never told anyone he was suicidal.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

My uncle jumped in front of a train.
He was an avid bicyclist and was struck by a car. It injured his neck really badly and prevented him from riding anymore. So one night he parked his truck near some railroad tracks and waited for the train to approach them jumped.
He never told anyone he was suicidal.

wow. sorry for your loss

 

[Sergeant45]

Someone in my family was suicidal before she died. She did not end up catching the bus herself, just died naturally. I didn't know whether to be happy for her or find that ironic in a very dark way.

 

[DTA]

Maybe it's because I too am suicidal, but I feel happy for my uncle. He's at peace now. Same with my father. He died of natural causes in his favorite recliner. I was devastated at first, but now I always remember his face - he was smiling. He was ready to go and despite my own loss, I'm happy for him.

 

[kitkat9234]

I've had multiple friends CTB. Way too many. I was also thinking about if I would ever see them again. Pretty recently actually funny that you mention it.

Also I'm pretty sure my dad did however he never left a note so it was ruled an accidental OD.

 

[madwoman8]

Very interesting question. My mom died by suicide & also my grandma (her mom) so it feels like I'm destined to go that way. It always felt like an option for me - I did have an attempt at 16 & it's always on my mind & this time I'm more actively planning. It does give me some peace of mind or even that my family will be more okay with it bc they'll understand.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

For me it's almost the opposite, I feel worse (more guilty) about the idea of CTBing because my brother attempted and almost succeeded (ended up in the ICU after an intentional OD and doctors were starting to consider removing all life support/interventions).

My mom has PTSD from it and I think if I was to CTB it would just make things even worse for my mom and family.

Maybe it's because I too am suicidal, but I feel happy for my uncle. He's at peace now. Same with my father. He died of natural causes in his favorite recliner. I was devastated at first, but now I always remember his face - he was smiling. He was ready to go and despite my own loss, I'm happy for him.

Once while working on the ambulance I was called out to do a "death confirmation" (essentially just confirm a dead body is actually dead) on a homeless man who was found hanging in a park. I had very similar thoughts. It was fall and getting cold, the guy was old and life on the street was very clearly impacting him. The expression on his face was one of exhaustion. The system had failed to protect him from poverty and homelessness. Obviously it would have been better if there was a different ending for him, but I remember opening his eyes to look at his pupils and feeling like I could see him looking back at me and saying "it's over" as if he had finally found rest or an escape from being homeless and having to deal with another winter.

 

[KissMeMidas]

Both my parents' sides of the family tree are full of people who CTB'd in different ways, so in a way when I do end up doing that as well, it can be chalked up as "another one bites the dust". It's a bit rude but reassuring in a way, takes the blame off me a bit (which is none anyway).

 

[Forever Sleep]

Asides from here, I actually know no one- neither friends or family (that I know of) that have died by suicide. I don't know that it truly bothers me that I could be the first in my family or, that I may be viewed as the 'black sheep' (if I manage to do it, that is.) My family are largely estranged anyway and I feel like my life is so separate/ different to the lives I imagine they are living.

I suppose I've always looked to famous examples of suicide as my reassurance. Especially Artists, because I'm creative. I can see how it would legitamise the choice though. I suppose I've had ideation for so long (35 years to varying intensities,) that I feel comfortable with the choice for me. It's just waiting for my Dad to go first now, because I don't think he'd cope with it.

 

[diopdawe]

My sister CTBd. It made a huge impact on our family and I am afraid that my CTB would just increase the burden.

 

[Apathy79]

My best friend ctb. It's what brought me here. But it doesn't impact my decision at all. If my nerve pain gets bad enough and no treatment is found, I find it hard to imagine anyone I know really looking down on my suicide. I think it would just be accepted. And if it doesn't, I won't ctb. So there's no guilt around it.

 

[deathbydesign]

My grandparents did a murder suicide pact when I was 2. They both had severe MS and didn't want one to die before the other so he shot her then himself. I don't remember it - I only remember my mom finding me hiding in a closet.

My sons girlfriends step dad just ctb by hanging a few days ago. I never met him. But it gave me an opportunity to try and get her to see his side - she was angry at him and called him selfish so I took that opportunity to try and help her understand the side of it she didn't get. Maybe she will remember that when it is my time.

I think if I did have someone super close who did it - it might actually have the opposite effect for me? Not wanting to cause that same pain? Idk though. I already feel bad enough that I'm going to deeply effect a few people but I also know that in the long run it will ultimately make life better for them.