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Gstreater

Gstreater

Member
Aug 10, 2024
84
Did you have hope that things might get better while you've been depressed? Was there a moment in time where you felt happy despite your suicidal thoughts? In my experience I've been thinking about what pushed me so far into this depressive spiral and I it was just every time I found happiness or hope it was dashed away until I'm the shell of that person today.
 
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TragedyBornCrimson

TragedyBornCrimson

I accept my eternal punishment
Oct 19, 2023
245
I was happy from my birth to the end of 6th grade. My hope has slowly dwindled ever since, 2020 being a major catalyst in my downward spiral. The more that I learned about the true nature of the world and society the amount of hope I had would drop. Life truly is hell.
 
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Life

Life

Now I need a place to hide away
Oct 30, 2023
19
Some loud music and weed always helps me forget pain
 
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TANETS

TANETS

Droplets of rain rest on the faces like tears
Nov 11, 2024
70
Yeah. And despite it all I still do even though it keeps getting worse and worse.
 
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PlannedforPeru

PlannedforPeru

SaSu. Lurker
Sep 21, 2024
151
In elementary school I thought it'd get better in middle school. In middle school I thought it'd get better in high school. In high school I was surely convinced it'd get better in college, people were claiming it was the best time of their life after all.

I'm out of college and now I know better, there's nothing in the future 40+ years of working age that'd be worth the price of enduring it, especially since I'm dead-set on not having a family; even if there are some drip fed "good moments" that lie ahead similar to that which kept me hopeful through the entirety of my education.

So, in short, yeah for I time I had hope, but it can only be sustained for so long.
 
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Jarring

Jarring

Member
Dec 27, 2023
13
Shit I always have hope. Probably shouldn't because Im in an awful position but probably better than thinking about the negatives.
 
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T

Tharg123

Member
Jan 18, 2024
5
I did have hope, from time to time. But I never really believed in it or put my whole self into it. I don't blame myself. It is hard. If I had been braver then maybe.... Who knows.

I'm old (ish - mid-50s) and ruined now, but I would suggest to you probable youngsters: if you have any energy for hope, believe in it. I remember writing in my diary in my 20s or 30s something like 'hope keeps sprouting up, like mould. SCRUB IT OUT.' Or something. I can see why I wrote/did/felt that - it was fear of the fall that raising my hopes would lead to - but... I wish I had put more trust in hope while I still had some life in me. And put less trust and energy into doing what I thought I ought to. Although... just because you're young doesn't mean you have energy and courage, I know.

Give hope a go, a really good go, if you can.......
 
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33-vertebrae

33-vertebrae

Puella Aeternus
Sep 6, 2024
86
Every other day there's a small spark of renewed hope.

I keep trying to draw motivation from various places.

But then I get literally physically and mentally exhausted from nothing ever changing and I become resigned to despair again.

Rinse, repeat.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,323
No, the concept of hope doesn't apply to me in this situation since my issues are with life itself
 
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Thanatos.br

Member
Dec 7, 2023
67
Unfortunately, yes, i plan to ctb with SN in the morning, since everyone here goes to work and i can stay alone for 10h, but everyday i think that maybe, just maybe, today might be the day that everything changes, and postpone the ctb to the next day. Later, i regret not having ctb and promisse myself i'll do next day, aaand this keep happening ever and ever for years. It's stupid, i know, i wish i didnt had hope.

Like George Constanza from Seinfeld said: "Hope? I dont wanna any hope, my dream, is to become hopeless."
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
39,130
Personally I'd never wish for the burden of human existence no matter what, I find existing to be deeply undesirable in every way, I'd never wish to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence with no limit as to how much agony I can feel just to be tortured by old age. I see existence as the problem and I find it so dreadful to suffer in this existence, I just want to painlessly die and never suffer ever again, I never would have wished for or chosen this existence, I just want nothingness instead, I just wish to never exist ever again.
 
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