NSFW Dirty jokes sharing thread

[sufferingalways]

Hello all, after a few cock jokes I thought .. how about a thread of dirty jokes? Here's one I nabbed earlier ..

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

@Mm80 this is the perfect thread for you. You've got plenty of jokes

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Would you all like to see a picture of some really nice tits?

 

[Mm80]

What's the difference between 365 used condoms and a car tyre?
One Is a good year, the other is a great year

 

[Lizzy199075]

This women is having a bath and there's a knock at the door. She says "Who is it?", and the reply comes, "It's the blind man – can I come in?" So she says "alright then come in". So this chap walks in and says: "Nice t**s. Where do you want me to hang the blind?
Vicar of Dibley

 

[woxihuanni]

Girl and guy go stargazing. Guy says, do you see this star? She says yes. Guy says, do you that star? She says yes. Guy says: Enough romantics, off with your pants.

 

[Ghost2211]

Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels.

 

[XYZ]

Would you all like to see a picture of some really nice tits?

Is this the entire joke, or do we have to say Yes/No, so you can tell the next part of the joke?

 

[woxihuanni]

Would you all like to see a picture of some really nice tits?

I don't know what English speakers want from a bunch of blameless birds tsk tsk

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

There is a tax proposal thing on my local ballot called "Measure PP" like come the fuck on. How am I supposed to NOT vote Yes on that with a name like that? It's not even "Proposition PP", it's literally MEASURE PEEPEE.

And that's why the voting age should be raised to 30. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Is this the entire joke, or do we have to say Yes/No, so you can tell the next part of the joke?

LOL yes FFS you need to ask me that...here are my nice tits...

 

[Mm80]

Whats giving oral sex to a female and the mafia got in common?
One slip of the tongue and your in deep shit. (Sorry)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Whats giving oral sex to a female and the mafia got in common?
One slip of the tongue and your in deep shit. (Sorry)

Hahahahaha I'll break ranks and laugh at that one.

 

[sufferingalways]

Would you all like to see a picture of some really nice tits?

Yes :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes :)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dirty-jokes-sharing-thread.52397/post-952963

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dirty-jokes-sharing-thread.52397/post-952963

You do all realise I've been waiting over a year for the opportunity to post that damn gif *sigh*
I'd ask if you want to see some hardcore pussy but I'm not sure i can find it

 

[Ghost2211]

How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

 

[XYZ]

 

[sufferingalways]

There's 3 tampax walking down the street.
Which one's likely to say hello?

None. They're all stuck up prats.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dirty-jokes-sharing-thread.52397/post-952963

You do all realise I've been waiting over a year for the opportunity to post that damn gif *sigh*
I'd ask if you want to see some hardcore pussy but I'm not sure i can find it

Yes please.

 

[XYZ]

 

[Deleted member 1465]

There's 3 tampax walking down the street.
Which one's likely to say hello?

None. They're all stuck up prats.


Yes please.

 

[Jumper Geo]

OK I have a couple of old ones, don't hate me,

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose, full up.

Why are men smarter during sex, because they are plugged into a genious.

Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine, you can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around.

Cheers

Geo

 

[Sensei]

A woman carrying twins is shot twice in the stomach during a robbery and survives. The doctor tells her, "You and your children are going to be fine, it's just that the bullets have been lodged in their stomaches. Don't worry, because they will eventually exit their system naturally." The mother gave birth to her twins, a boy and a girl, without incident. When the twins reached puberty, the girl came into her mother's room one day. "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out!" The mother explained what had happened to her at the robbery years ago. It wasn't too long before the boy came into his mother's room. "Mom, I've done a terrible thing." "Let me guess, you were peeing and out came a bullet?" "No, I was wanking and shot the dog!"

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Essex girl calls the breakdown when her car conks out. He gives it the once over and tells her what's wrong with it.
"Shit in the carburettor," he says.
"Ok" she replies, "And how often do I need to do that?"

 

[Disappointered]

What do prostitutes and funeral directors have in common?

They both get paid to bury a stiff.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

what does one gay guy say to the other gay guy in a bar?

can i push in your stool?

its ok i'm gay so i can say it...

 

[Nutshell]

Hello all, after a few cock jokes I thought .. how about a thread of dirty jokes? Here's one I nabbed earlier ..

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Don't run with scissors.
Don't scissor if you've got the runs.

 

[Symbiote]

What is the difference between an erection and an election?


An erection is what a man needs to achieve first to fuck his partner.

An election is what a politician needs to achieve first to fuck his people.

 

[sufferingalways]

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "pen*s" and "vag*na" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled,"Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your pen*ses and vag*nas — we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

 

[Amumu]

"So you're not great but I'm horny"
"Sorry, not enough tact for me, I'm not your dildo."

 

[signifying nothing]

Two shits in a toilet.

One says to the other,

"How do you flush this thing?"