snowlance
Ticking Time Bomb
- Sep 8, 2023
- 208
TLDR If anyone has been through trying to get on disability and has any advice on how the hearing can go and what i should say or do, id love to hear it. I would be very grateful.
I've been struggling for quiete some time but I think I'm finally close to recovery. I've been trying to get on disability for 2 years now and have been denied 2 times now, and now I'm on the hearing phase. I have a lawyer that's helping me and we finally got a date for the hearing, it's on January 15th. I was able to survive so long thanks to all the kind people and friends I've made on this site. This feels like my last battle. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time because if I get on disability, it changes everything. I can finally move out and cut off my toxic af family, and begin to live my life again. On the other side though, if I get denied again, it feels like a death sentence because I genuinely don't know what I'm going to do after that. It feels like I've tried everything and my parents said they're going to believe in the government, if they say I can work, then I need to work and they want me out by April 2025. So most likely I'll end up living in my car again, which didn't end well last time. Just surviving barely until I was too weak to think straight and throwing up everyday, being inpatient only to be put out on the streets again. My life has been this painful cycle I've been trying to escape for years ever since I got my college degree. All these mental problems came out of nowhere and I've been through so much trauma because of it. I promised myself if I get denied again I'd finally end it all, but in reality I don't think I can actually go through with it. So my only option is to give this my all. The problem is the medical system has failed me multiple times in figuring out wtf is wrong with me, and any evidence I do have I don't really remember much because of how much I've dissociated during those times, it all feels like a blur and I can't put together a proper time line in my head of what happened. So I need help, if anyone has been through this before and/or has any advice for what the hearing will be like, or any resources that could help me put together a timeline, or ways to retrieve address history records and stuff, anything at all that could help, I would love to hear any advice I can get. So far I'm trying to make some talking points for my lawyer while trying to get evidence. I have some dates and documents for when I was inpatient and here are the notes I've written down for now:
"I want to emphasize to the judge or whoever does my hearing that therapy and other resources never really helped me. Every therapist I had just let me ramble about stuff without giving any real guidance, half assed goals or goals that were unrealistic. The psychiatrists ive seen just change my meds and guilt trip me if I refuse saying I won't cooperate when I have concerns about certain medications. Nobody has given me a proper diagnosis for what I'm going through, these dissociative episodes and panic attacks. before I'm able to get anywhere with therapists I end up losing my living situation and having to find new doctors or they retire or something else happens that gets in the way. Once I was too honest about my situation and my psychiatrist told me to do a outpatient program or they would discharge me and they did and I had to find another psychiatrist. I tried inpatient before and they barely do anything either. Barely change my medications, the psych techs were abusive, and told me if i didnt find a place after my time was up inpatient then theyd kick me back out on the streets again and the group therapies were just these games you play like in kindergarten, pass a ball around and answer questions or play a matching game or talking about mindfulness which didn't help. Anytime we talked about deeper topics or started to get anywhere it wasn't explored enough and I always left feeling nothing and just wanted it to be over. People around me ddon't understand what my dissociative episodes are and keep asking what's happening even tho I answer multiple ttimes and explain it as well as I can. Or in the past I was taking weed gummies and they blamed it on that but when I was clean I have the same issues. I was told certain doctors could diagnose me and help me understand what's going on but the most understanding I got was from my discord support group from people who went through similar things. The medical system has failed me multiple times.The best way i could describe the medical system is it was like checking off a checklist.Like they werent actually trying to figure out whats going on and help me and rather just went through procedure so and try to get things done as fast as possible."
This kinda explains what I've been through with the medical system. I have these really bad dissociative episodes that prevent me from working but I still want to contribute to the world in some way. I currently make mods for games and take commissions as well as doing a little rideshare, although I haven't done rideshare since the last time I did months ago because the panic attacks and dissociative episodes have been getting worse.
I want them to know that i dont want to just live off disability, i still want to contribute in some way either doing rideshare or commissions like ive been doing. I see making mods like im providing people who do work full jobs something to enjoy and relax to. Like im still doing *something* in this world, even if it may not be as significant. im not just some freeloader that wants to get a free ticket in life. i genuinly am struggling to survive.
I've been struggling for quiete some time but I think I'm finally close to recovery. I've been trying to get on disability for 2 years now and have been denied 2 times now, and now I'm on the hearing phase. I have a lawyer that's helping me and we finally got a date for the hearing, it's on January 15th. I was able to survive so long thanks to all the kind people and friends I've made on this site. This feels like my last battle. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time because if I get on disability, it changes everything. I can finally move out and cut off my toxic af family, and begin to live my life again. On the other side though, if I get denied again, it feels like a death sentence because I genuinely don't know what I'm going to do after that. It feels like I've tried everything and my parents said they're going to believe in the government, if they say I can work, then I need to work and they want me out by April 2025. So most likely I'll end up living in my car again, which didn't end well last time. Just surviving barely until I was too weak to think straight and throwing up everyday, being inpatient only to be put out on the streets again. My life has been this painful cycle I've been trying to escape for years ever since I got my college degree. All these mental problems came out of nowhere and I've been through so much trauma because of it. I promised myself if I get denied again I'd finally end it all, but in reality I don't think I can actually go through with it. So my only option is to give this my all. The problem is the medical system has failed me multiple times in figuring out wtf is wrong with me, and any evidence I do have I don't really remember much because of how much I've dissociated during those times, it all feels like a blur and I can't put together a proper time line in my head of what happened. So I need help, if anyone has been through this before and/or has any advice for what the hearing will be like, or any resources that could help me put together a timeline, or ways to retrieve address history records and stuff, anything at all that could help, I would love to hear any advice I can get. So far I'm trying to make some talking points for my lawyer while trying to get evidence. I have some dates and documents for when I was inpatient and here are the notes I've written down for now:
"I want to emphasize to the judge or whoever does my hearing that therapy and other resources never really helped me. Every therapist I had just let me ramble about stuff without giving any real guidance, half assed goals or goals that were unrealistic. The psychiatrists ive seen just change my meds and guilt trip me if I refuse saying I won't cooperate when I have concerns about certain medications. Nobody has given me a proper diagnosis for what I'm going through, these dissociative episodes and panic attacks. before I'm able to get anywhere with therapists I end up losing my living situation and having to find new doctors or they retire or something else happens that gets in the way. Once I was too honest about my situation and my psychiatrist told me to do a outpatient program or they would discharge me and they did and I had to find another psychiatrist. I tried inpatient before and they barely do anything either. Barely change my medications, the psych techs were abusive, and told me if i didnt find a place after my time was up inpatient then theyd kick me back out on the streets again and the group therapies were just these games you play like in kindergarten, pass a ball around and answer questions or play a matching game or talking about mindfulness which didn't help. Anytime we talked about deeper topics or started to get anywhere it wasn't explored enough and I always left feeling nothing and just wanted it to be over. People around me ddon't understand what my dissociative episodes are and keep asking what's happening even tho I answer multiple ttimes and explain it as well as I can. Or in the past I was taking weed gummies and they blamed it on that but when I was clean I have the same issues. I was told certain doctors could diagnose me and help me understand what's going on but the most understanding I got was from my discord support group from people who went through similar things. The medical system has failed me multiple times.The best way i could describe the medical system is it was like checking off a checklist.Like they werent actually trying to figure out whats going on and help me and rather just went through procedure so and try to get things done as fast as possible."
This kinda explains what I've been through with the medical system. I have these really bad dissociative episodes that prevent me from working but I still want to contribute to the world in some way. I currently make mods for games and take commissions as well as doing a little rideshare, although I haven't done rideshare since the last time I did months ago because the panic attacks and dissociative episodes have been getting worse.
I want them to know that i dont want to just live off disability, i still want to contribute in some way either doing rideshare or commissions like ive been doing. I see making mods like im providing people who do work full jobs something to enjoy and relax to. Like im still doing *something* in this world, even if it may not be as significant. im not just some freeloader that wants to get a free ticket in life. i genuinly am struggling to survive.
