Lost in a Dream
He/him - Metal head
- Feb 22, 2020
- 1,776
I'm not a religious guy and haven't been for a long time, but sometimes I wish I could be. I want to believe in a god who genuinely cares about the life on our planet. I want to believe I could kill myself for Jesus and get a free ticket into my own introverted paradise, but I don't.
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of religious people are just faking it til they make it like I tried to do. I realize now that the Bible I used to believe in does say that a true believer stays a believer, so I'm glad I never was a "true believer". That also means most current believers are on track for becoming atheists, Deists, or Gnostics anyway.
Only way I could be a true Christian is if I could be convinced it was true and could get blown away by an idiot with a gun at church. All they would do by killing me is give me the introverted paradise I want for myself. Seems weird to me for actual believers to not be suicidal 24/7 and beg for death every second. It seems like that only happens when true suffering is being experienced.
It's torture not having anything better than the right to die to believe in, but I don't even have faith in that. It sucks living in a world so terrible it requires being delusional just to function.
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of religious people are just faking it til they make it like I tried to do. I realize now that the Bible I used to believe in does say that a true believer stays a believer, so I'm glad I never was a "true believer". That also means most current believers are on track for becoming atheists, Deists, or Gnostics anyway.
Only way I could be a true Christian is if I could be convinced it was true and could get blown away by an idiot with a gun at church. All they would do by killing me is give me the introverted paradise I want for myself. Seems weird to me for actual believers to not be suicidal 24/7 and beg for death every second. It seems like that only happens when true suffering is being experienced.
It's torture not having anything better than the right to die to believe in, but I don't even have faith in that. It sucks living in a world so terrible it requires being delusional just to function.