Discussion dissociation/ptsd/trauma thread?

[angelicism999]

i thought it might be a good idea to have a thread abt this stuff in the recovery thing? please feel free to share experiences, coping strats, worries, frustrations, etc.!

i'll start with some specific things also! i've been diagnosed ptsd, did, and bipolar 1. i've been integrating (mostly by myself oops) which has been really hard, but i'm feel way more like a person now and am more conscious of when i'm spacing and losing time. does anyone deal with similar stuff? recovering memories is so hard, like there are things i know i'm not in touch with but it's really scary just to go near them

ty for reading, good luck to you guys!

 

[k75]

recovering memories is so hard, like there are things i know i'm not in touch with but it's really scary just to go near them

I can relate to this so much. I've been diagnosed with medical PTSD. It's really frustrating, because I get dismissed a lot, like my trauma is somehow "less than." I managed to block out a lot of my memories for a long time, which worked until I couldn't anymore, and I had to start facing them. But it's so scary when I get near them! I feel like I'm suffocating.

Mostly, my flashbacks happen as dreams. I wake up every couple of hours in an absolute panic, and because they're vivid memories, it's hard to convince myself I'm safe and not actually back in that situation.

I don't really have any good coping strategies. I go to therapy, but all I can really do is talk about it, which doesn't make it go away. I've gotten ok at separating the story about what happened from the crippling emotions, but they are still very much there and need dealt with.

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

I don't think I ever been diagnosed with PTSD but my doctor or whatever I have PTSD like symptoms. Which I guess makes sense , I've experienced alot of trauma in my life and the only thing I find myself wanting is to get away. From anywhere . From my thoughts, my immediate surroundings, my family, anything. But I can't keep running forever . One day I'll have to face my thoughts; and that day will most likely be my last day.

Lately , all i really want to do is get high. Weed, painkillers, benzos, etc . I want it all. It's not gonna fix my problems when I'm on it , I have no problems

 

[Rocksandsand]

I have C-PTSD and I dissociate a lot. It's amnesic dissociation, and my partner gets furious when I can't remember things. We've been having problems and every time he gets angry and yells I dissociate and just say yes and agree with everything he says to placate the yelling (at least, that's what my psychologist says). Then I have no recall of the argument and he gets even more angry. It's a vicious cycle.

I also self harm when I am dissociated. I recently lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion. I felt so guilty using donated blood for what I see as my worthless life. I wasn't going to die from blood loss. I was just uncomfortable.

I know this is the recovery area, but I don't know or see how I will ever get better. I have missed two weeks of university because I can't fathom going and being around so many people. I just want to stay home on the couch where it's safe and take benzos/smoke weed/take lyrica/whatever else to be out of it.

Trauma is a cunt.

 

[angelicism999]

I can relate to this so much. I've been diagnosed with medical PTSD. It's really frustrating, because I get dismissed a lot, like my trauma is somehow "less than." I managed to block out a lot of my memories for a long time, which worked until I couldn't anymore, and I had to start facing them. But it's so scary when I get near them! I feel like I'm suffocating.

Mostly, my flashbacks happen as dreams. I wake up every couple of hours in an absolute panic, and because they're vivid memories, it's hard to convince myself I'm safe and not actually back in that situation.

I don't really have any good coping strategies. I go to therapy, but all I can really do is talk about it, which doesn't make it go away. I've gotten ok at separating the story about what happened from the crippling emotions, but they are still very much there and need dealt with.

That's so unfair dude i'm sorry. I hate how everyone with an investment in trauma still resorts to the same stupid, fetishistic fantasies of abjection and victimhood, it's like the _vilest_ thing. youre struggles are definitely not less important, and you're so strong of struggling with that despite the invisibility like i can't imagine? hugs, i hope things go better for u soon.

I don't think I ever been diagnosed with PTSD but my doctor or whatever I have PTSD like symptoms. Which I guess makes sense , I've experienced alot of trauma in my life and the only thing I find myself wanting is to get away. From anywhere . From my thoughts, my immediate surroundings, my family, anything. But I can't keep running forever . One day I'll have to face my thoughts; and that day will most likely be my last day.

Lately , all i really want to do is get high. Weed, painkillers, benzos, etc . I want it all. It's not gonna fix my problems when I'm on it , I have no problems

Literally same lol. I hate diagnoses if it feels that serious but it is that serious imo. that flight thing is so familiar tho omg, ugh, like i've been faking my life since foreverrrr it feels? but yeah solidarity comrade!! Sending u love

I have C-PTSD and I dissociate a lot. It's amnesic dissociation, and my partner gets furious when I can't remember things. We've been having problems and every time he gets angry and yells I dissociate and just say yes and agree with everything he says to placate the yelling (at least, that's what my psychologist says). Then I have no recall of the argument and he gets even more angry. It's a vicious cycle.

I also self harm when I am dissociated. I recently lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion. I felt so guilty using donated blood for what I see as my worthless life. I wasn't going to die from blood loss. I was just uncomfortable.

I know this is the recovery area, but I don't know or see how I will ever get better. I have missed two weeks of university because I can't fathom going and being around so many people. I just want to stay home on the couch where it's safe and take benzos/smoke weed/take lyrica/whatever else to be out of it.

Trauma is a cunt.

oh my god no :( that's literally disrespectful and vicious, i'm so sorry sis, he has no right to treat you that way. i feel you on the amnesia and worthlessness, that's so constant for me too idk what to do abt it tbh. nothing bad that happens even feels bad anymore. hugs tho, that's so awful i hope things get easier! yr really lovely and i truly think u deserve it.

trauma is a _cunt_!!!!!

 

[angelicism999]

i'm gonna post a bigger reply to this when i have more energy, but the first thing sounds a lot like a flashback to me and all the other things sound v familiar too

 

[After The End]

Experiences: more than I can be bothered making a list of.

Coping Strats: drugs, self-harm, disassociating.

Worries: no worries. Just the certainty that these problems have only ever gotten worse and will only ever get worse. They're not being treated. I don't even bother trying to talk about them and I can't be bothered explaining why.

Frustrations: just about everything.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi. I exeprinced my first true trauma as an adult last summer. Its called "Betrayal Trauma" relational trauma sucks because it involves identity, the soul and spirit.... For me it is the endless self-blame game... "if only" "it was my fault" its crazy..... Also the inner critic turned on..... I never had anything like this before.... Calling myself names.... Self Loathing.... Triggers. I feel my body temperature rise when confronted with my music and dancing...... It sucks... I was a dancer and music lover.... The thins I loved the most became my triggers. I got robbed big time..... A lot of it revolved around control, fear, grief, self hate, self blame, triggers and oh trauma FUCKED UP MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM..... I literally became allergic to everyhting.... I did research and trauma can werak havoc on all the body systems. Hormoes, digestion, sleep, sexual, spiritual... Oh and my faith collapsed too...... No more God stuff..... Trauma.... the psychological wound is no fucking joke.... horrible. PTSD is a horrible thing to live with...... Its like being trapped in a Groundhog day of the worst painful thoughts and memories.