Do people even want notes?

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

Apologies everyone, if this has been asked before.

I've been meandering about notes for a while, both wondering if I should bother leaving them or not. Over the years I've written a few, sometimes it's oddly cathartic. I usually end up getting rid of them however when I end up surviving my attempt.

Well I've attempted, or at least rehearsed my death with the hopes of actually passing out and dying more times than I care to remember now and since come up with the idea that I should have at least one or so notes as "throw downs" in the event that I actually do go through with it.

I've got one in my car because if I end up dead on the side of the road or in some parking lot I wanted instructions for the cop/EMS personnel who found me. Specifically my name, address, next of kin, etc. I've got another that's generally a lot nicer, thanking people for their time and effort, apologizing that it came to this, which also has a list of assets (more like asset but I digress) that I own and illustrates who I hope gets said asset.

And I just wonder what the point of it is. I don't have the money for a will, so this is the best that I can get sure, but beyond that I don't think those close to me would take my note and actually listen to it, or hear what I have to say.

That being said, I know that I valued my friends' suicide notes to me immensely. I still have them, I still read them on their anniversaries, I think about them almost daily and feel guilty on the days that I realize I haven't thought of them. I've tried as I could to better myself since their passing, and so I know that their note meant something. But I'm not most people. And so I'm stuck between just deleting the notes and going without one, or keeping them, and scheduling them to send after I die.

Do you think most people honestly give a fuck about notes? Like, beyond the utility of saying which assets you have go where and all. Is it worth keeping them around?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

The people you leave behind will be hurting and desperate for answers. They will want a message to keep, just like you have--something to go back to when they're in pain.

 

[Dejected 55]

I vote to tell people all the important things while you and they are both alive. If there is any importance to the message and if there is any chance it can make a difference, talking now is the way to go. After that, I personally see no reason for a note because anyone I have anything to say to already knows. There's nothing left for me to say to anyone that I haven't already said... and once I'm gone it will not matter.

 

[4Icarus]

I keep messages people leave me for the most mundane shit ever because I never know when they're gonna go, even from people who emotionally and sometimes physically beat the shit out of me. People keep doodles from their kids from when they were five years old, even if they're disturbing or just scribbles. There are still people on this god-forsaken earth who still keep physical birthday cards. You keep the note your friends left, you were their friend despite "not being like most people." I think you answered your own question: you were cared enough to be in those circles, to read those notes. You still are and someone's going to cherish what you left them, I think.

Tbh - unwarranted advice from someone who likely won't get to write one in time because I make it several kilometers long and haven't finished one because I don't follow my own advice?

Leave out the people you know won't care. The people you hate who have no reason to even give a shit that you died. It's just gonna set the people you do care about after them and unless it's a warning to those still living about whoever it was, it's not worth having them inherit all that resentment.

It saves on ink and time, probably! Feels cathartic as all fuck to write out why my old boss made me wanna kill myself, though. So, maybe fuck what I said; but still write anyways, it feels good in a way and you only, hopefully, live once!

 

[amerie]

They're important for liability reasons like to prevent the police from digging and sniffing in your bullshit imo

 

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

I keep messages people leave me for the most mundane shit ever because I never know when they're gonna go, even from people who emotionally and sometimes physically beat the shit out of me. People keep doodles from their kids from when they were five years old, even if they're disturbing or just scribbles. There are still people on this god-forsaken earth who still keep physical birthday cards. You keep the note your friends left, you were their friend despite "not being like most people." I think you answered your own question: you were cared enough to be in those circles, to read those notes. You still are and someone's going to cherish what you left them, I think.

Tbh - unwarranted advice from someone who likely won't get to write one in time because I make it several kilometers long and haven't finished one because I don't follow my own advice?

Leave out the people you know won't care. The people you hate who have no reason to even give a shit that you died. It's just gonna set the people you do care about after them and unless it's a warning to those still living about whoever it was, it's not worth having them inherit all that resentment.

It saves on ink and time, probably! Feels cathartic as all fuck to write out why my old boss made me wanna kill myself, though. So, maybe fuck what I said; but still write anyways, it feels good in a way and you only, hopefully, live once!

That's a good point. I think what's difficult is that the people who care and who've hurt me the most are the same people. I love my family and they've done their best to help I suppose, but it's been "complicated" let's say. I've written out exactly one "hate" letter, and again it was to the same people who love me. I burned it a few days after, figured it wasn't appropriate for me to leave them with that kind of vitriol- it was more important that my anger was silent than it was to be heard lol. Thank you for replying, you've given me much to think about.

They're important for liability reasons like to prevent the police from digging and sniffing in your bullshit imo

I considered this in one of my notes too, I had a paragraph there doing what I could to lower the risk of liability, especially to my therapists who could be affected professionally by my passing. It seems my concern wasn't unfounded. Thank you for replying.

The people you leave behind will be hurting and desperate for answers. They will want a message to keep, just like you have--something to go back to when they're in pain.

That's fair. I sometimes wonder if things would be better if there wasn't any message, because for me part of my guilt was that they usually asked me for help to talk them out of it, and this time I was too late to make a difference because, ironically, I was mourning the death of my grandfather at the time. Part of me is afraid that they'll get the note and wonder if they could've done something, said something, or if that they had gotten it just a little bit sooner they could've changed the outcome (regardless of whether that's true or not). I guess that just emphasizes that I need to convey that this is not their fault and that they couldn't have prevented this. Thank you for replying.

I vote to tell people all the important things while you and they are both alive. If there is any importance to the message and if there is any chance it can make a difference, talking now is the way to go. After that, I personally see no reason for a note because anyone I have anything to say to already knows. There's nothing left for me to say to anyone that I haven't already said... and once I'm gone it will not matter.

That's fair, I can't really argue with that logic. I feel like my therapist would even agree with you that it would be best to get it out in the open, rather than letting it eat away at me. I mean, part of my notes are dedicated to finally coming out to family… but I think I'm too much of a coward to do that for real, at least not without being dead first. Ironic that passing out from hypoxia doesn't scare me as much as coming out to family, but I digress. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Aiyuxiao]

Looking at suicide bereavement forums, majority of suicides posted have no notes. And loved ones wish there was notes to have their questions answered. Or at least to have one last form of contact from the one that goes.

I also find it would be good to communicate that it wasn't their fault. Because a lot of loved ones blame themselves and feel a lot of guilt.