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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
655
the fact that you might be the bad guy in a lot of people's stories?

I don't mean this in a self-loathing way, woe-is-me-for-everyone-hates-me kind of thing. more like stepping outside yourself and analyzing the way you influence people's lives.

personally, it's always been very easy for me to make a lot of enemies, and I'm probably the devil to a lot of former friends and work colleagues, even some family members. it doesn't bother me very much. but I know how much hating the same people gets people bonding, so in that sense, I think I'm doing god's work. I got two really good (ex)friends who couldn't stand each-other become best friends overnight like that :pfff:

so anyway, what's ur stories
 
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SnowyDreams

SnowyDreams

Member
Aug 25, 2018
79
I am absolutely sure that I have been a bad friend before in my teens. I was really depending on this friend and always vented to her about my troubles and my depression. But never had anything good to say when she told me about her problems. It was sad. She ended up drifting away from me and when we met she pretended nothing happened. I guess I had it coming. I tried to listen a lot more after that and tried to keep my depressive thoughts to myself.
 
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K

KCN

El revisionismo en castillano
Jul 16, 2018
230
I'm always on the rational/realistic side of things, so when somebody needs to be lied to in order to get a bit lifted up I might fail the task. But I can't really deceive myself or others, I feel almost compelled to avoid wishful thinking, at the risk of sounding rude or insensitive
 
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G

GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
I'm always on the rational/realistic side of things, so when somebody needs to be lied to in order to get a bit lifted up I might fail the task. But I can't really deceive myself or others, I feel almost compelled to avoid wishful thinking, at the risk of sounding rude or insensitive
I am the same way. I don't like wasting time with hypotheticals or wishful thinking. When someone spends a lot of time in fantasy or wishful thinking, I lose patience quickly.
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
You said the "eveybody hates me" thought doesn't count...


But yes for me making enemies is extremely easy too. That's all I can say without entering in that way so I must stop now; also I don't like to detail it, makes me feel worse.
 
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M

Miss clefable

Enlightened
Aug 23, 2018
1,577
I only hate myself but I like making other people happy and respect there decisions even if it makes me sad
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Oh yes, I can name a lot where I was the bad guy.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
the fact that you might be the bad guy in a lot of people's stories?

I don't mean this in a self-loathing way, woe-is-me-for-everyone-hates-me kind of thing. more like stepping outside yourself and analyzing the way you influence people's lives.

personally, it's always been very easy for me to make a lot of enemies, and I'm probably the devil to a lot of former friends and work colleagues, even some family members. it doesn't bother me very much. but I know how much hating the same people gets people bonding, so in that sense, I think I'm doing god's work. I got two really good (ex)friends who couldn't stand each-other become best friends overnight like that :pfff:

so anyway, what's ur stories

Oh that's me too, what happened to me, oh my goodness this is uncanny. I have a pattern where I introduce friends to each other and I end up losing them because of jealousy or sometimes there was romantic feelings, but they bond so hard over me where I would tear them down to one another privately, or complain/gripe about them as I tend to just want to be one on one, I get pathologically insecure and jealous, and then a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy when I run away/avoid due to PTSD crap and maybe innately how I am, and I get cucked and end up perverting it and just it's supernatural in a way isn't it, this pattern it's so painful too, they're the ones I never get over. This has happened three times to me now I think, they just call me crazy/bad/drug abuser/slander me and move on. I end up feeling like I was a bigger victim though I end up being quite amenable and self-sacrificial but yes. At some point I sort of demonize them to use the phrase loosely, and then they come back but it's 10 times worse, like the universe is punishing me, maybe with love, but suicides to me are evident that it's not always meant to be. This last go around has about done me in, they even said I am due to die as per astrology they did on me, one of them seems quite happy seeing me suffer, their words haunt me every day. I cannot get free, but perhaps it is what I brought on myself. So strange how it works.

This friend was a Spiritual Satanist, told me she wanted me to know who is in control. I took that to mean Satan is in control of this world, and since I am too afraid to dedicate, this is what is happening to those of us who are unprotected. Angel and Demon attacks. and I've been playing a dangerous game of being sinful despite being a lukewarm Christian. It's just too much to believe it's all real, it's scary. But how they acted and the gaslighting and everything, to me that's evil, but I'm seeing it from my perspective, and what I did was pretty evil too, but I have no justification I just have problems. I never change. I never listen. And now since they basically explained it would take months just to have some sort of basic protection, and they predicted my death before the end of this year, I am sort of just throwing my hands up. Struck me at my most vulnerable, when I was being deliberately, what would be considered "sinful" so yes, all this might be very real. I make myself detestable to all things when I live for the senses perhaps, because I am no more than an animal. I am trying to love the one who loves me but I feel stuck in my past, and hollow, and I worry about him too. They told me I don't love him, said I would be pierced by two I loved, indeed they bonded over my hurting the one who loved me. It's just, you can't make this shit up. It's just overwhelming. Lord laugh in derision at my calamity, as well as Satan and all the entities. Worst of the worst, so on.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
655
Oh that's me too, what happened to me, oh my goodness this is uncanny. I have a pattern where I introduce friends to each other and I end up losing them because of jealousy or sometimes there was romantic feelings, but they bond so hard over me where I would tear them down to one another privately, or complain/gripe about them as I tend to just want to be one on one, I get pathologically insecure and jealous, and then a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy when I run away/avoid due to PTSD crap and maybe innately how I am, and I get cucked and end up perverting it and just it's supernatural in a way isn't it, this pattern it's so painful too, they're the ones I never get over. This has happened three times to me now I think, they just call me crazy/bad/drug abuser/slander me and move on. I end up feeling like I was a bigger victim though I end up being quite amenable and self-sacrificial but yes. At some point I sort of demonize them to use the phrase loosely, and then they come back but it's 10 times worse, like the universe is punishing me, maybe with love, but suicides to me are evident that it's not always meant to be. This last go around has about done me in, they even said I am due to die as per astrology they did on me, one of them seems quite happy seeing me suffer, their words haunt me every day. I cannot get free, but perhaps it is what I brought on myself. So strange how it works.

This friend was a Spiritual Satanist, told me she wanted me to know who is in control. I took that to mean Satan is in control of this world, and since I am too afraid to dedicate, this is what is happening to those of us who are unprotected. Angel and Demon attacks. and I've been playing a dangerous game of being sinful despite being a lukewarm Christian. It's just too much to believe it's all real, it's scary. But how they acted and the gaslighting and everything, to me that's evil, but I'm seeing it from my perspective, and what I did was pretty evil too, but I have no justification I just have problems. I never change. I never listen. And now since they basically explained it would take months just to have some sort of basic protection, and they predicted my death before the end of this year, I am sort of just throwing my hands up. Struck me at my most vulnerable, when I was being deliberately, what would be considered "sinful" so yes, all this might be very real. I make myself detestable to all things when I live for the senses perhaps, because I am no more than an animal. I am trying to love the one who loves me but I feel stuck in my past, and hollow, and I worry about him too. They told me I don't love him, said I would be pierced by two I loved, indeed they bonded over my hurting the one who loved me. It's just, you can't make this shit up. It's just overwhelming. Lord laugh in derision at my calamity, as well as Satan and all the entities. Worst of the worst, so on.

golly gee this was a journey


would you really call it a pattern or is it something incidental?

also, I've learned it's best never to let people come back. this was fucking heinous for me as well; I always thought this time it would be different. so nowadays I pretty much deal with the fact that I'm destined to be thoroughly alone :p
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
golly gee this was a journey


would you really call it a pattern or is it something incidental?

also, I've learned it's best never to let people come back. this was fucking heinous for me as well; I always thought this time it would be different. so nowadays I pretty much deal with the fact that I'm destined to be thoroughly alone :p
Yes indeed and perhaps there is no connection and I'm looking for patterns and such, I am still a bit messed up from dxm earlier so I may be in a state of acute psychosis, but yes interesting *nods*

And yeah, definitely <3 But even then I feel like the person coming back in a lot of instances, and so I feel quite ashamed for how I am, whatever possesses me to be this way, it's very frustrating and sad to see love bloom without you, and then new love seems hollow when you're stuck in the past, watching the one who replaced you make the person happier than you ever could, and vise versa. It's a perfect poetic curse.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
655
it's very frustrating and sad to see love bloom without you, and then new love seems hollow when you're stuck in the past, watching the one who replaced you make the person happier than you ever could, and vise versa. It's a perfect poetic curse.

I tell myself they're out of my life, for good. that they were as dangerous to me as I was to them. frankly, I'm terrified of them. like I dread meeting them again accidentally in real life.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I tell myself they're out of my life, for good. that they were as dangerous to me as I was to them. frankly, I'm terrified of them. like I dread meeting them again accidentally in real life.
Oh the feeling is exactly the same here. I had near panic attacks when I used to see my old friends who moved on without me together, and these new old friends, one of whom I still have feelings for, also have that power over me, and it's going to be a very rough ride I may not make if their predictions are true. I have a terrible case of Stockholm Syndrome now after their retaliation, since they know where I live too. One of them told me, if they wanted me dead, I wouldn't even know about it. The other said I was going to regret ever being born. Few believed me, just saw me as a drug addict, one of them tried to spread rumors I was a pedo because I was a bit flirty, but wanted to make amends but got high one night and it got flirty. That's no excuse. Sorry, PTSD shit as the one I still have feelings for is becoming active on the social media site I use and not even grateful for the money I have been sending. I feel like I am in some sort of spell I can't break free of. I hurt them but haven't I suffered enough? It's like they see me as some sort of heartless monster. But then again I have struggled not to see them as such either. It's supernatural in this feeling, scary.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
655
Few believed me, just saw me as a drug addict, one of them tried to spread rumors I was a pedo because I was a bit flirty, but wanted to make amends but got high one night and it got flirty.
:nomouth:
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I know it sounds suspect but yeah, it was like a trap I sprung and I was friends with this kid on the site and then I introduced him to the person I liked, I felt bad as he always wanted to talk to me but I wasn't really all that interested to be his friend, but then they fell for each other, she was 21 though so no weirdness there, but then to get closer to her I tried to do what I thought he wanted as well as I got ragey against her for moving on with him after I had left and come back as I can't handle commitment, and so she thought I was jealous because I had feelings for him, but I didn't but was desperate to get back in their good graces, but that only made him angry though she had said if I had proved myself worthy I could have been their pet, but I really only wanted her back. I know, the whole thing sounds suspicious I don't expect you to believe me *shrugs and laughs* Just so weird how it all worked out. I am why they ended up meeting, but got blamed for trying to get police protection when he treatened me and showed me a picture of a rifle apparently from 4chan and he said he was going to come kill me. She said she felt it was sweet that he stood up for her.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I think most people won't ever think of themselves as the bad guy. Looking back on my life I can see how I would have frustrated others whilst feeling I was right at the time. I think there's actually few people that set out to cause trouble, we are all just guilty of being a bit crap. It takes age and experience to be able to really try and see things from others' points of view.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I think most people won't ever think of themselves as the bad guy. Looking back on my life I can see how I would have frustrated others whilst feeling I was right at the time. I think there's actually few people that set out to cause trouble, we are all just guilty of being a bit crap. It takes age and experience to be able to really try and see things from others' points of view.

Excellently put.
 
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