Do you believe one could make a change?

[Rukia]

I wonder if one can make a change by being here and giving testimony that he/she once was suicidal and is not anymore...Or is it totally meaningless and who is to CTB will CTB nonetheless...?

 

[Sh00]

I'm sure it's possible to change but I suspect most people who no longer want to ctb aren't on this site anymore.

 

[omoidarui]

I don't know about a full recovery but I've read multiple posts by members who have stated they would be dead long ago if they hadn't found this forum

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I don't know about a full recovery but I've read multiple posts by members who have stated they would be dead long ago if they hadn't found this forum

Very true!

 

[GeorgeJL]

Yes people can change their mind. People do it for all kinds of reasons. But I think most people that choose to not take their life stick with it, well at least for a long time.

 

[Morto]

Yeah its kind of weird people who dont want to ctb anymore still coming here, I dont know. For me at least, I feel way better than when I first found out this forum, maybe I was just in a desperate depressive mood. Its hard to say, but my only point to ctb is my bipolar disorder and as long as I control it, everything gets better and my life restart to get colorful and etc... My big hope is someday they find a cure for bipolar disorder, then I will be definetely fine with this world forever!

 

[harlope]

I'm not too sure. I have gone through periods of recovery but ultimately I end up back in the same place. I think that one day I'm going to succeed in wanting to ctb and I think the chances of me living without doing so are pretty slim.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm currently kind of okay, I still feel depressed and lonely but the suicidal stuff seems to be a bit gone. Don't get me wrong, I still think about it, it just seems a little more gone now I have turned to my future, I'm actively planning it. I am afraid if I stop, even just for a second, it'll be back.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Things might get better for some people I don´t know, but I don´t believe a person who has been suicidal since early teens or childhood will recover so they will live the rest of their life free of suicidal thoughts, depression or apathy.

I feel the best option for those people is to ctb because I see no point in using so much energy just to be in a state that most people were born in it´s unfair I`d rather suicide and reroll life.

 

[TAW122]

It depends on the person. I have had times where I was on the verge of going to go through with CTB, but an unexpected great event or something turned the tables and I was able to make a recovery. I would not consider myself as wanting to live, just going from being actively suicidal to passively suicidal (right now, I'm passive), meaning that I wish I'm dead but not actively wanting to die (setting a date, time, location, and what not). I do have my method and that does allow some comfort because I know that death is final and the end of all suffering (and pleasure as well as experiences in this life).

 

[262653]

Looking back I can say with confidence that even the most inconsequential happenings can strongly influence the future ones, and not always in an intended way.

 

[AtomicNewt]

I'm like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, I'm looking for a brain. If I found one that worked I'd marvel in all of those things that always seem impossibly out of reach.

 

[oopswronglife]

I'm like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, I'm looking for a brain. If I found one that worked I'd marvel in all of those things that always seem impossibly out of reach.

I find straw terribly itchy and annoying to sit on. Cannot imagine being stuffed with it and having no choice. My sympathies. Regards to the lion and metal guy.

 

[Saga]

for me i tried ways to make it better...but like ive said in previous posts i always fuck it up in the end...i even tried hoodoo spells to make me not think of ctb'ing but...at the end of the day i still find myself holding a knife hurting myself and still undead

 

[Morto]

I don't know how old you are, I am in my 50's. I tried to exit when I was in my mid and late 20's. I was institutionalized 3 times. Got on meds and therapy, raised my kid...but yes, when life is bad, my plan is always self deliverance. Sometimes we feel like we are never going to get past the hurt, sometimes it really is in effective therapy and medication, but I think that if you have felt suicidal from an early age, it is probably something you will always consider as a plan.
Hang in there, if you want to talk I'm here.

You said you first tried to exit in mids 20 and lates 20, but since when you had suicidal thoughts?

 

[TiredHorse]

The way I've come to look at it, suicidality is sort of like alcoholism: it doesn't ever just go away, either you manage it or you don't. Some people manage it with grace and live fulfilling, happy lives where you wouldn't know anything is amiss from looking at them, others find the deck stacked against them and succumb. But the awareness that CTB is an option cannot be un-learned.

Myself, I am walking a fraying tightrope across the river Styx. I know I could be overbalanced by some new gust from the winds of circumstance and, overwhelmed, fall. I know the rats of despair and loneliness that have swarmed out onto the span with me could gnaw their way through the rope and I'll fall. I know one of those two ends is far more likely than me finding a way to walk the rest of the rope to the completion of my natural lifespan --and in truth, I'd welcome the quicker end than this wretched balancing act I'm in the middle of. But survival instinct keeps me here on the rope, so until then, here I am, wobbling gracelessly about.

 

[Morto]

Since I was 16...I'm 54 now. I'm close to the date, and this time I don't plan on failing. I've discovered a method that is virtually impossible to find any data on, but there is a ton of science, it's the number one choice in some Asian countries. I've thoroughly done my research and m very confident.
There hasn't been a single report of it being a violent or messy death. Most people they find, have not shown any signs of distress, no vomiting, no seizures. Some recorded themselves while it was happening...they were found in the same exact position they were in when they lost consciousness.
The whole setup should cost less than 50 dollars and readily available. I can sit in my apartment for a week and no one checks on me so I feel pretty confident.

But my point is, from your first attempts in mid 20' to the point where you are now, in 50's, you kept suicidal and attempting during this 30 years? Or you had years and years of peace and few moments suicidal? How was it?

 

[Liveandlearnagain]

You could spend decades on this site and go on living your life. You could spend only a few days and end it.

Everyone's life experience is entirely different.