Venting Do you feel guilty for staying up all night?

[jodes2]

I do, not sure why. I get excited about something then I'm just too excited to sleep. But instead of stopping doing what's on my mind, I keep on doing it, like I just stopped programming only at 4am, I wanted to finish something while the details were clear in my head. But now I've ruined my sleeping pattern. Again. I get the feeling my dad or gf might have a go at me, but they probably won't! Why do I feel so guilty about it?? Maybe cos it means they'll have to do daytime stuff for me like take parcels at the door while I sleep during the day. Idk. I feel guilty af, hate it, but I can't seem to help myself. When I feel excited about something, I bloody run with it. My gf says it's the ADHD. I think it's also nice to have relief from depression! But the guilt hangover SUCKS.

So. Its 4:35am. Do I try and sleep soon? Or shall I see if I can stay awake til tomorrow evening, since it's kinda doable? I'll feel jittery and tired and hot-cold soon though. Sigh. Why do I do this

 

[Zegers]

The night is relaxing for me, although with the physical discomfort can hardly concentrate.

 

[jodes2]

The night is relaxing for me, although with the physical discomfort can hardly concentrate.

Sorry to hear that I'm lucky my problems are mental and intermittent

 

[Rairii]

Yeah, it kind of makes me feel like trash too. My staying up all night though is caused by insomnia and a bladder condition I have, so its not like I should shame myself for something out of my control but I do anyway. It sucks that you feel such guilt over it, no shame in doing something to relieve your depression as long as its not negatively affecting anyone. Hope you get some good sleep and don't feel too bad tomorrow.

 

[-Raven's Night-]

So sorry you feel guilty for this! Well in the past when I live with my family, if I stay up late or overnight due to insomnia or being too obsessed with one thing, actually I get blamed and tired of those things that made me feel guilty. They would think I was destroying my own health and worsening my mental problems.
But now things are slightly different, I live on my own and yesterday I was awake almost overnight after performing in a concert. I was just too excited, and staying up late is a routine for me because I'm a person who ''live at night''.
My friend and I often talk about how nice it is to be ''living at night'' instead of in the day, because of people all going out at daytime.

 

[jodes2]

Yeah, it kind of makes me feel like trash too. My staying up all night though is caused by insomnia and a bladder condition I have, so its not like I should shame myself for something out of my control but I do anyway. It sucks that you feel such guilt over it, no shame in doing something to relieve your depression as long as its not negatively affecting anyone. Hope you get some good sleep and don't feel too bad tomorrow.

Thank you I'm so sorry you suffer like that, it's not fair definitely don't feel guilty or blame yourself

 

[bluem00n]

Yeah, I'm the same ... if I hit a problem writing code, I keep going until it's fixed, and that can result in working through to dawn. I've found it's best to stick at it anyway, while the flow of logic along with all its associated parameters are clear in my mind, whereas if I stop then try and pick it up again the next day I can't always recall the original thread of my thinking. Still, I can't get to sleep anyway if I have an unresolved coding problem - I just lay awake staring at the ceiling trying to figure it out, so I might as well stay up and carry on until it's sorted.​

 

[jodes2]

Yeah, I'm the same ... if I hit a problem writing code, I keep going until it's fixed, and that can result in working through to dawn. I've found it's best to stick at it anyway, while the flow of logic along with all its associated parameters are clear in my mind, whereas if I stop then try and pick it up again the next day I can't always recall the original thread of my thinking. Still, I can't get to sleep anyway if I have an unresolved coding problem - I just lay awake staring at the ceiling trying to figure it out, so I might as well stay up and carry on until it's sorted.​

Lmao you totally get it!!

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I do, not sure why. I get excited about something then I'm just too excited to sleep. But instead of stopping doing what's on my mind, I keep on doing it, like I just stopped programming only at 4am, I wanted to finish something while the details were clear in my head. But now I've ruined my sleeping pattern. Again. I get the feeling my dad or gf might have a go at me, but they probably won't! Why do I feel so guilty about it?? Maybe cos it means they'll have to do daytime stuff for me like take parcels at the door while I sleep during the day. Idk. I feel guilty af, hate it, but I can't seem to help myself. When I feel excited about something, I bloody run with it. My gf says it's the ADHD. I think it's also nice to have relief from depression! But the guilt hangover SUCKS.

So. Its 4:35am. Do I try and sleep soon? Or shall I see if I can stay awake til tomorrow evening, since it's kinda doable? I'll feel jittery and tired and hot-cold soon though. Sigh. Why do I do this

I have terrible insomnia, I'm constantly fucking up my sleep pattern. I've been pretty good the last few days, but it's already 1:22am here and I'm not in bed yet. I find that when it at it's worse and I'm not sleeping for days, my suicidal thoughts increase.

My staying up all night though is caused by insomnia and a bladder condition I have

Do you have IC?

 

[jodes2]

I have terrible insomnia, I'm constantly fucking up my sleep pattern. I've been pretty good the last few days, but it's already 1:22am here and I'm not in bed yet. I find that when it at it's worse and I'm not sleeping for days, my suicidal thoughts increase.



Do you have IC?

Not good my friend, I really hope you do get some sleep

 

[Rairii]

Do you have IC?

yep, I do

 

[WhiteRabbit]

yep, I do

Me too.

 

[Rairii]

Me too.

ugh I hate that, I wouldn't wish this dumb condition on anyone. I hope that you are getting treated and that treatments have worked for you to lessen the severity of it, at the very least. so far nothing has worked for me.

 

[WearyHSP]

I used to feel guilty about everything. I was kind of gaslighted in a smoke and mirrors kind of way in my childhood so I thought everything was my fault.
That said, Several years ago I identified that in most cases, what I thought was 'guilt' was actually fear. It wasn't that I truly thought I'd behaved badly or done something wrong, it was that I thought someone else would have a problem with me. it was fear, not guilt.
No idea if that's even a little bit the case for you but it was helpful for me when I figured it out.

I don't have ADHD so I can't speak to that dynamic. I understand wanting to finish something while it's clear in my head though. Do you share that with your dad and gf? I say that because part of the control of my family was that nothing was ever said so I fretted about a millions things that were never resolved because I was constantly silenced. If only I could have just been plain and gotten a response back! Probably not your dynamic either but throwing it out in case it's helpful.

 

[jodes2]

I used to feel guilty about everything. I was kind of gaslighted in a smoke and mirrors kind of way in my childhood so I thought everything was my fault.
That said, Several years ago I identified that in most cases, what I thought was 'guilt' was actually fear. It wasn't that I truly thought I'd behaved badly or done something wrong, it was that I thought someone else would have a problem with me. it was fear, not guilt.
No idea if that's even a little bit the case for you but it was helpful for me when I figured it out.

I don't have ADHD so I can't speak to that dynamic. I understand wanting to finish something while it's clear in my head though. Do you share that with your dad and gf? I say that because part of the control of my family was that nothing was ever said so I fretted about a millions things that were never resolved because I was constantly silenced. If only I could have just been plain and gotten a response back! Probably not your dynamic either but throwing it out in case it's helpful.

Interesting, it could well be. I didn't have the best childhood. Sorry you struggle with guilt

Also interesting about not being able to get responses - not sure that's the issue with me but either way again I'm so sorry you suffer with that

 

[WhiteRabbit]

ugh I hate that, I wouldn't wish this dumb condition on anyone. I hope that you are getting treated and that treatments have worked for you to lessen the severity of it, at the very least. so far nothing has worked for me.

I follow the shitty diet and it helps somewhat. Nothing else has helped. Interesting to see another IC-er here. I have a few medical conditions, some more serious, but the IC is probably the most painful.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Nah, but my sleep has gone to the dogs since I started my leave from work three months ago (and life coincidentally got worse). I've stayed up till 5, 6, even 7 some nights. Sometimes I'm ignoring tiredness, but sometimes I'm not. But it seems to make no difference when I actually sleep - last night I tucked in at an "early" 3:30 but still slept until 1pm. The other week I was out even before three, and still was up at quarter to 1. Sometimes these long sleeps are good and I still get tired and nap around 6pm.

Case in point: been tired for a half hour (2am local time). Maybe from talking to counsellor? Haven't left the house but it's got stairs I've been going up and down all day. I just had dinner a bit ago though and am still peckish; what do I even do? No life doesn't matterrrrrr---

 

[jodes2]

Nah, but my sleep has gone to the dogs since I started my leave from work three months ago (and life coincidentally got worse). I've stayed up till 5, 6, even 7 some nights. Sometimes I'm ignoring tiredness, but sometimes I'm not. But it seems to make no difference when I actually sleep - last night I tucked in at an "early" 3:30 but still slept until 1pm. The other week I was out even before three, and still was up at quarter to 1. Sometimes these long sleeps are good and I still get tired and nap around 6pm.

Case in point: been tired for a half hour (2am local time). Maybe from talking to counsellor? Haven't left the house but it's got stairs I've been going up and down all day. I just had dinner a bit ago though and am still peckish; what do I even do? No life doesn't matterrrrrr---

I'm sorry you think life doesn't matter

 

[makethepainstop]

I do, not sure why. I get excited about something then I'm just too excited to sleep. But instead of stopping doing what's on my mind, I keep on doing it, like I just stopped programming only at 4am, I wanted to finish something while the details were clear in my head. But now I've ruined my sleeping pattern. Again. I get the feeling my dad or gf might have a go at me, but they probably won't! Why do I feel so guilty about it?? Maybe cos it means they'll have to do daytime stuff for me like take parcels at the door while I sleep during the day. Idk. I feel guilty af, hate it, but I can't seem to help myself. When I feel excited about something, I bloody run with it. My gf says it's the ADHD. I think it's also nice to have relief from depression! But the guilt hangover SUCKS.

So. Its 4:35am. Do I try and sleep soon? Or shall I see if I can stay awake til tomorrow evening, since it's kinda doable? I'll feel jittery and tired and hot-cold soon though. Sigh. Why do I do this

No, I am and I always have been a child of the night and fog. I am not a day dog, I am not an afternoon dog, I am a night dog. I like being out in the dark, under the stars, the moon beaming down, with all of the bats. All that daytime sunshine and birds chirping is unnatural to me.

 

[jodes2]

No, I am and I always have been a child of the night and fog. I am not a day dog, I am not an afternoon dog, I am a night dog. I like being out in the dark, under the stars, the moon beaming down, with all of the bats. All that daytime sunshine and birds chirping is unnatural to me.

Oh I love it, I love it! Me too It's 7am here now lol

 

[Rounded Agony]

I'm sorry you think life doesn't matter

You mentally inserted a non-existent comma in the wrong place; if anywhere, it should've been after the word "life", not "no"; it doesn't matter what I do with my sleep because at present I don't have a life.

 

[Wannagonow]

I have no guilt about my sleep pattern. I have no one I'm responsible too, so there's no one that cares. My bipolar is always in depressive mode this time of year. I'm always up to the wee hours of the morning, rarely sleeping more than 4 hours. It's not a creative time for me. It's just seemingly endless hours of sadness, depression and frustration. Certainly not a pity-party. This is a pattern I'm used too for more than 25 years.

 

[Celerity]

Guilty isn't the word I would use for how I feel about it, but I get where you're coming from. When I have successfully maintained an early bird sleeping schedule, I felt so much better. Having succeeded (and failed) at this multiple times, it really dawned on me how big a difference such a small change can make. As it is though, work had me closing all the time nowadays. I don't see me getting a better schedule for a few years, so I have to make do with what I have.