Discussion Do you feel outside your gender?

[Seele]

I thought I would discuss this because my CTB will be ready in a few days.
But have you ever felt that you don't belong to your gender? I mean, I always used masculine terms to talk because I felt like I had more control over myself or that I was better seen by other people, but I look in the mirror and see my face and I can't deny that I am, my 1, 64cm tall, curved body... I feel that in addition to being born wrong, I was wrong to be born... all right, soon my life will end.
I was inspired by the writer Fernando Pessoa and his heteronyms to try to be someone else... but in the face of death there is no reason for me to lie to myself.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Sometimes. I generally feel pretty comfortable with my gender but sometimes I don't feel very "female" or "male". It's like I'm in this sort of in between that's hard to describe. It's just one of those experiences don't words can't describe. Gender is just bullshit. It's arbitrary.

 

[Seele]

Sometimes. I generally feel pretty comfortable with my gender but sometimes I don't feel very "female" or "male". It's like I'm in this sort of in between that's hard to describe. It's just one of those experiences don't words can't describe. Gender is just bullshit. It's arbitrary.

In the face of death, these things seem so banal, how foolish I was to spend my life torturing myself for this...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

In the face of death, these things seem so banal, how foolish I was to spend my life torturing myself for this...

There's nothing foolish about torturing yourself over this type of stuff. It's only natural

 

[-Link-]

For as much as I feel locked-in as male, I do wonder if I had grown up in a more accepting environment whether I would have embraced a fluid gender. I haven't been able to shake this feeling that I might have deprived myself of something in this sense.

I definitely don't "feel outside my gender," and I don't think I've ever felt that way in my life. But I do feel as though I might have liked to go exploring a bit.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

A little bit since I keep scoring high in femininity on a lot of the quizzes posted here. I don't feel like fully changing to the other gender would solve anything for me though.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

No, I consider myself lucky to feel 100% male. And at 6'5"/230, I'd make one damn scary woman.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Sometimes, I guess. Though it's more that I feel like I don't fit the "traditional" personality of my gender as opposed to feeling like I am something else.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. I don't have a strong desire to be male but I've never really liked being female. Not so much biologically. Asides from being overweight, which is my fault, I don't exactly detest my body. I absolutely detest periods. But- it's more that I detest most of the social constructs of femininity. Or, at least the ones that seem to be the most popular.

I want to say at this point, that I'm not trying to criticize women who do embrace all this stuff. This is simply my own personal experience.

I never wanted to be a girly girl. I hated pink, I hated and still hate skirts and dresses, high heels, make up, clinging fabrics, underwired bras. They all feel like they're made to make you feel as uncomfortable and restricted as possible. I suppose they are to lure men in. Which I probably didn't like the sound of either- femme fatales or even just the idea of being so utterly dependent on a man seems massively risky. A lot don't seem all that dependable. Especially if they are chasing anything in a skirt. (That's not to say all are of course.)

I don't fit the delicate or petite look. I've always wanted to be strong. I guess there are representations of strong women out there- Amazons and the like. Lol. I'm not that strong but yeah, I've never wanted to be the type of women that seem most celebrated in this current era.

Really though- it depends on what you consider truly feminine or masculine I suppose. I think a lot of stuff is specific to the era. I'm just so grateful that we do at least live in an era where you can pick and choose more. Women aren't expected to wear corsets and long dresses when they climb mountains.

I'm not trying to say women aren't sexist towards men. It's probably even something kind of innate- what we find attractive. Still, I remember my Dad made an incredibly racist and sexist remark watching a tennis match once. I don't even want to repeat what he said but the match was between Serena Williams and another petite, blonde haired, blue eyed woman. It's just kind of depressing that- even in a top sporting contest, looks are the thing that are judged. My Dad compared the two and praised how beautiful and feminine this blonde woman was. I asked who won- Serena Williams- of course! Ok- you may not like the look of her muscles or whatever else but ultimately, they helped her win the match! Why has everything got to be a beauty contest?!! Again, I'm sure men feel similar pressures. This isn't supposed to be a- women have it worse. It's just my own disgruntled female perspective. Lol. I suppose, just like short men will complain, not all women have the bone structure to be petite and delicate.

 

[star.trip]

Today I feel comfortable with my sex. I accept as I am

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm very comfortable being a female. I'm really glad I never felt confused about my gender

 

[wren-briar]

No, I consider myself lucky to feel 100% male. And at 6'5"/230, I'd make one damn scary woman.

fwiw I've actually known a few transwomen who were your height (I don't know their weights, but they were relatively fit) who were absolutely drop dead gorgeous by modern female standards.
@Forever Sleep - I ultimately came to the conclusion that I'm a transman (and transitioned almost 1.5 decades ago) but I did a lot of the same introspection that you clearly have done.

Your introspection about your own gender is really impressive; I've found so few cispeople who have really questioned their gender with such depth!

 

[Actovania]

Yes. Near constantly over the past few years. I tried to do thing to make myself more comfortable and express my feelings about it but it resulted in a violent reaction from my family and eventually led me to losing all of my friends. So I just continue as I am in pain and infinite guilt. i wish i did not have an identity at all

 

[pyx]

I was inspired by the writer Fernando Pessoa and his heteronyms to try to be someone else...

:D

 

[WildAtHeart]

Not really, I definitely have some femininity, but overall I'm quite comfortable the way I am male.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Still, I remember my Dad made an incredibly racist and sexist remark watching a tennis match once. I don't even want to repeat what he said but the match was between Serena Williams and another petite, blonde haired, blue eyed woman. It's just kind of depressing that- even in a top sporting contest, looks are the thing that are judged. My Dad compared the two and praised how beautiful and feminine this blonde woman was. I asked who won- Serena Williams- of course!

You know, I feel like a common issue amongst black women is the feeling of not being "feminine" enough and this part of your post really highlights this. Black women, especially dark skinned black women, are seen as masculine by wider society due to our view of feminity revolving around whiteness. Even just being part black makes me feel as though I'm not "feminine" enough at times. Serena and Venus Williams are constantly shamed for not fitting into societies definition of feminity due to their blackness.

This is also ties heavily into transphobia, as a disproportionate amount of people who transvestigators accuse of being MTF are usually either black or brown. Take the situation with Imane Khelif, for example. All of this goes to show that gender is just a bullshit social construct. How we define man vs woman in our society tends to be more based on aspects of culture, rather than on pure biology.

 

[yariousvamp]

I'm not trans, but i wish I was a man, i wanna know what freedom and privilege feels like, women here in north africa are treated worse than animals, I just want to be seen as a human and have the immigration privileges that north african men have, i wanna have the privilege of men not being killed just for being raped or having sex before marriage, I wanna be able to defend myself since harassment is so common, maybe being a woman is amazing, just not in this shit country.

 

[Privateer2368]

Nope. I'm male and that's that. No matter what I'm interested in or what I like or who I find attractive, I'm male.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm female and I've always been outside of what women usually like or do - things like fashion, makeup, skin care, etc. My interests have always been male dominated - programming, videogames, etc. When I tried to be more feminine, like using makeup, it just broke my heart to see myself in the mirror. I was never good at makeup, my mother died before she could teach me.

I used to feel bad when I was younger, especially when puberty hit and I lost all my friends as they did a 180 and started mad mouthing each other behind their backs and talking about boys all the time, which didn't interest me.

Having said this, I appreciate the art form of makeup, I appreciate seeing women's fashion sense on the street. It's a similar feeling to tattoos - I'll never have tattoos myself but I like to see them on people.

I'm a more masculine woman and that's fine by me, doesn't make me less of a woman. People don't need to be the stereotypes of a sex to be that sex. I'm content with being a woman the way I am.

 

[cosmic-realism]

I hate being a female too.I come from a very sad place,in a third world country.Women are less than objects here and are just married off and forced into pregnancies.There is a lot of misery in being born a female here.Women want to escape the country and mothers want their daughters to run away far and away to save themselves before their fathers sells them into marriage.Just like their fathers had.

Father is the first man you learnt to hate here.Older brothers are the second men you are disgusted by here.Both these family members serve as your villains in this god forsaken place.Selective abortions are banned.What's the use?Women born here are even less than cattle.They would be better off aborted than married off and raped and torturted mentally and physically every single day.

Whenever I see myself in the mirror,I just don't recognize the female that has become behind that glass.Not too feminine looking but I want to shave down my saddlebags and my chest to just escape this body.

 

[etherealspring]

im pretty apathetic towards gender in general. im fine with being female now, but i did consider being trans as a possibility when i was younger. i used to dislike being called feminine labels like "girl" or "daughter" but now im neutral about them. ive experimented with he/him and they/them pronouns in the past, but didnt feel any different towards those than i did with she/her pronouns. even now sometimes i wish i were a guy, but being female doesn't particularly bother me anymore. i dont rlly feel feminine or masculine, tho i wouldn't label myself as non-binary or anything else bc for some reason nothing ever seems to fit me right. i used to feel desperate about finding a label for closure so i could cope with being in my own skin better. but then i realised that they weren't rlly my thing, and it wouldnt make me hate myself less lol. im still uncomfortable in my own body, but for the most part, im fine with just being me.

sorry for the long ass rant lmao, i got pretty carried away

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Laughs in non-binary

 

[HereIGoAgain24]

im pretty apathetic towards gender in general. im fine with being female now, but i did consider being trans as a possibility when i was younger. i used to dislike being called feminine labels like "girl" or "daughter" but now im neutral about them. ive experimented with he/him and they/them pronouns in the past, but didnt feel any different towards those than i did with she/her pronouns. even now sometimes i wish i were a guy, but being female doesn't particularly bother me anymore. i dont rlly feel feminine or masculine, tho i wouldn't label myself as non-binary or anything else bc for some reason nothing ever seems to fit me right. i used to feel desperate about finding a label for closure so i could cope with being in my own skin better. but then i realised that they weren't rlly my thing, and it wouldnt make me hate myself less lol. im still uncomfortable in my own body, but for the most part, im fine with just being me.

sorry for the long ass rant lmao, i got pretty carried away

No need to apologize. The amount of introspection you- and many people here- put into this is deeply impressive. I think you've managed to find a healthy attitude towards this, understanding who you are and making peace with it- something I wish more people could do.

For my own part, I'm a cis guy, but my personality does feel feminine. I look at when I see how studies suggest women are less likely to negotiate salaries or apply for a job if they don't have all of the qualifications, as well as that general sense that women are more 'passive' (whether that's true or not, I can't say). I toyed around with the idea that I was nonbinary for a bit, but I realized it didn't really fit me.

 

[AuroraB]

Questioning gender was not part of the cultural norm when I was growing up. Of course, there were always a few trans people in college back in the 1980s but it wasn't at the forefront of culture like it is now. So I'm perfectly comfortable with my sex because I, and most people in my age group, were never encouraged by cultural norms to question it.

 

[Ariii]

Sometimes. My personality doesn't fit the expectations for women in a lot of areas, and I've struggled a lot with my appearance which have led me to feel less like a woman. But overall, Im grateful to have never properly questioned my gender.