Do you have a "dark" side

[R_N]

When I get overwhelmed and can't control my feelings well there is a side of me that crave destruction.

I never act on said feelings and it all stays in fantasy. There I can be like a demon let loose on the world and it feels relieving to me.

 

[I Can't Say]

I have the worst fantasies. They get away from me and turn horrible.

 

[R_N]

I have the worst fantasies. They get away from me and turn horrible.

How do you mean get away?

 

[I Can't Say]

How do you mean get away?

"My subconscious hates me" or something?

Edit: If you mean you want details then haha no.

 

[SmollMushroom]

Depends by your definition of dark.
If you mean a violent side, as you described for your case, no I don't, not really.
If you just mean it as unethical, then yeah ofc. But that can be many things. Even being suicidal can be considered unethical by probably the majority of people, since most of them are pro-lifers.

 

[Tortured_empath]

Yeah

 

[pompompurin]

I guess I have a "dark" side but it's very different from what you said. It's more like a second life that I live; it's hard to explain.

 

[R_N]

I guess I have a "dark" side but it's very different from what you said. It's more like a second life that I live; it's hard to explain.

Dw I didn't expect people to go into details with this.

I just have some feelings inside me that contradict each other. Not that is anything unusual for a human being as long as we try to be "better" in reality.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. I think I had quite sadistic traits as a child. I'm glad they have subsided. Some things about me still confuse me though. I'd say I am quite a compassionate person but sometimes, I'm kind of shocked at how cold I can be.

There used to be this guy that I probably thought I was in love with. Turns out it was probably limerance. Whether it was his fault or mine, he made me feel really shit about myself. We were never together. It's not resentment that we weren't- I didn't expect that. It's more that I felt like he judged me to be this really awful person. It's hard to describe really.

In any case- it was obvious he used people. Especially women- I think he played on the fact they found him attractive, befriended them, got them to help him (not sexually) and then, dumped them. I felt like he was actually emotionally destructive to women. (He had Mummy issues- maybe it came from that.)

Anyhow- I moved away from where he was years ago. In a moment of curiosity and light stalking- I tried to check up on him. Turned out he had died. What's so weird is- I felt nothing. In some awful ways, I even felt relieved. I guess that still confuses me. That can't make me a good person. I try to justify it by saying to myself I thought he was a manipulative arsehole that posed some danger to women but still- this was someone I thought I loved at one time. Sorry- you probably didn't want an essay!

Oh- and I seem to have a morbid curiosity with disasters like Chernobyl. They make me cry- so it's not sadism. I just seem to sometimes revel in proving to myself how corrupt this world is- maybe to further convince myself why I want out. Still- all of that can't be good either. Still- I guess I'm not alone. Seems like there is a massive appetite for True Crime and grizzly disasters out there given how much media there is about them.

 

[R_N]

Yes. I think I had quite sadistic traits as a child. I'm glad they have subsided. Some things about me still confuse me though. I'd say I am quite a compassionate person but sometimes, I'm kind of shocked at how cold I can be.

There used to be this guy that I probably thought I was in love with. Turns out it was probably limerance. Whether it was his fault or mine, he made me feel really shit about myself. We were never together. It's not resentment that we weren't- I didn't expect that. It's more that I felt like he judged me to be this really awful person. It's hard to describe really.

In any case- it was obvious he used people. Especially women- I think he played on the fact they found him attractive, befriended them, got them to help him (not sexually) and then, dumped them. I felt like he was actually emotionally destructive to women. (He had Mummy issues- maybe it came from that.)

Anyhow- I moved away from where he was years ago. In a moment of curiosity and light stalking- I tried to check up on him. Turned out he had died. What's so weird is- I felt nothing. In some awful ways, I even felt relieved. I guess that still confuses me. That can't make me a good person. I try to justify it by saying to myself I thought he was a manipulative arsehole that posed some danger to women but still- this was someone I thought I loved at one time. Sorry- you probably didn't want an essay!

Oh- and I seem to have a morbid curiosity with disasters like Chernobyl. They make me cry- so it's not sadism. I just seem to sometimes revel in proving to myself how corrupt this world is- maybe to further convince myself why I want out. Still- all of that can't be good either. Still- I guess I'm not alone. Seems like there is a massive appetite for True Crime and grizzly disasters out there given how much media there is about them.

No worries. I know not everything is black and white. Also humans are kinda contradicting when it comes to how we live anyway if we like go and dissect every part of our lives. The deeper we go the less it makes sense.

And I get you kinda, for me it is like all the hurt and dissapointment getting to me to the point I don't feel empathy for those I find "bad" sometimes. My mind just goes blank and primitive part of my brain takes over. Maybe this also happens because I dislike emotions and try to suppress them usually. But I am a human in the end. I am nothing more than this body and my brain.


And yeah society loves drama nowdays, and violence. Everyone has short attention span and they just crave and crave. I think livestreaming where people group up or act controversial in public is becoming popular atm.

Funny you mentioned true crime, I am not into it but I listen to upchurch and there was some drama involving him and that community a while ago. He has his own demons too tho but I liked some of his music, not neccessarily his character. And from what I saw of that community they clickbait a lot and are like a cult. They act caring on surface but most of them just milk it. Human nature...

 

[L0nely]

I'm very self destructive. If 1 thing goes wrong I make sure everything goes wrong. Ruining friendships and relationships with people around me, being extra harsh on myself and what I do with myself etc

 

[cryvinglightning]

depends on what you mean with "dark side". i tend to put my uglier thoughts in writing rather than letting them loose. it's mostly violent, self destructive actions that i cannot put in practice for obvious reasons.

 

[R_N]

I'm very self destructive. If 1 thing goes wrong I make sure everything goes wrong. Ruining friendships and relationships with people around me, being extra harsh on myself and what I do with myself etc

Do you feel you lose control in those situations?

When I can't control what boils inside I feel I am hijacked in a way.

depends on what you mean with "dark side". i tend to put my uglier thoughts in writing rather than letting them loose. it's mostly violent, self destructive actions that i cannot put in practice for obvious reasons.

I mean something most would be against in reality even if it seems "justified".

 

[L0nely]

Do you feel you lose control in those situations?

When I can't control what boils inside I feel I am hijacked in a way.

Yes! I would never normally want to hurt anyone, but in that moment it's like I can't control myself. I'm bitter, say awful things I don't even mean. It's like someone else speaking for me. Regret it every single time, ruined a lot of friendships because of that.

 

[NumbItAll]

Yes. I think I had quite sadistic traits as a child. I'm glad they have subsided. Some things about me still confuse me though. I'd say I am quite a compassionate person but sometimes, I'm kind of shocked at how cold I can be.

There used to be this guy that I probably thought I was in love with. Turns out it was probably limerance. Whether it was his fault or mine, he made me feel really shit about myself. We were never together. It's not resentment that we weren't- I didn't expect that. It's more that I felt like he judged me to be this really awful person. It's hard to describe really.

In any case- it was obvious he used people. Especially women- I think he played on the fact they found him attractive, befriended them, got them to help him (not sexually) and then, dumped them. I felt like he was actually emotionally destructive to women. (He had Mummy issues- maybe it came from that.)

Anyhow- I moved away from where he was years ago. In a moment of curiosity and light stalking- I tried to check up on him. Turned out he had died. What's so weird is- I felt nothing. In some awful ways, I even felt relieved. I guess that still confuses me. That can't make me a good person. I try to justify it by saying to myself I thought he was a manipulative arsehole that posed some danger to women but still- this was someone I thought I loved at one time. Sorry- you probably didn't want an essay!

Oh- and I seem to have a morbid curiosity with disasters like Chernobyl. They make me cry- so it's not sadism. I just seem to sometimes revel in proving to myself how corrupt this world is- maybe to further convince myself why I want out. Still- all of that can't be good either. Still- I guess I'm not alone. Seems like there is a massive appetite for True Crime and grizzly disasters out there given how much media there is about them.

Hmm if that is your dark side then you are a very kind person lol (which was already known). Definitely no need to mourn for a toxic jerk like that.

I like music with dark themes like death, destruction, war. I am very pacifistic but I guess it just sounds cool and is a refreshing antidote to all the fake positivity that exists. Like it pulls back the curtain on reality and reveals the ugly truth, which feels cathartic.

A lot of people like the GTA video games, but it doesn't mean they wanna go around shooting people and running them over lol.

 

[Pretty.Odd251]

Yes, i just want things to burn

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

Yeah definitely but more in a self destructive manner more than an outwardly destructive to other people kinda way. Sh, self sabotage and run of the mill stuff like that but ive noticed i have a real urge or need for abuse, SA and to be manipulated (weird ik but what can you do). Not going to go into much more detail but i think you get the idea lol.