Do you have mental illness and feel guilty about it?

[Idideverythingwrong]

I would like to connect with people who have mental illness and know the severity of it.
For my part I am mentally very fucked up, waiting for a diagnosis, taking lithium, quetiapine, paroxetine and lamotrigine.
All this because of my guilt, for drugging myself for so many years.

 

[maniac116]

From the meds your taking, it sounds like you have a possible affective disorder.
Maybe bipolar?
I was a psych nurse. There are lots of meds for affective disorders. They may have to do a trial & error of med combos to find what works best for you.
I have major depressive disorder. I went thru trials of meds & now have a regimen that's worked for me for years.
If I were you I would also get a therapist. They can help you with a safe place to vent & also give feedback to your prescriber to help with appropriate medication.
If you would like to talk privately you can always DM me.
Don't ever give up on your treatment. Its can be life changing, though there are lots of people here that don't like psych treatment. Some for good reason. Just don't ever give up.
And aside from not telling your Dr if you want to kill yourself or someone else, be honest with how you're feeling so they can "dial in" your meds to be effective.

 

[GoSan1]

While not diagnosed, I'm definitely growing mentally ill. When in depression and isolation for multiple years, you lose your mental state to all kinds of terrible things. Random urges to scream and shake, being toxic towards others and regretting it right after, doing things I don't want to do even though I could stop them at any moment but something keeps getting me to continue, becoming the opposite of what I want to be. It's terrible. To all the people I cussed out in my games, I'd want to apologize to them, but yet I keep on doing it over and over again...

Its a mix between feeling guilty and not. I feel guilty for hurting others over it, but not for being it. I had hope and tried my best for the longest I could handle, just to be met with silence and not change...

 

[Namelesa]

I have probably have quite a stigmatized mental illness which causes me to have thoughts that cause me great guilt, shame and self-loathing. I hate myself so much for it and I feel worse about it when people say they hate all people with it. This guilt and hatred for these thoughts is a big reason on why I want to kill myself. Otherwise I don't feel much guilt with my other mental illnesses tho I can feel ashamed with being so clingy and sometimes splitting (cus of maybe suspected BPD)

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

Why would I feel guilty about a label some psychiatrist put on me?

 

[harlow-paige]

yeah, honestly, especially since gaining some self awareness of my actions and how i treat people; it filled me with guilt and such feeling like i have to isolate or stay surface level for other people's sakes. weird bordering on delusional beliefs, with ridiculous ego and shit; just makes me feel like i'm pretty impossible to deal with. i don't want to subject people to that. it feels like it's not worth the pain i might cause people when i get avoidant, or changeable or unstable in my moods. it's not exactly like i'm cruel or hurt people intentionally, just i can't offer the consistency and stability that people often need from me, and it hurts and makes me guilty that i can never show them that. especially when people have shown me such patience and care.

 

[be-easy]

How is lithium working for you? People I met in psych wards had mixed reactions to it, some turned into zombie-like state and some felt amazing on it. Most of them had either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. It's always interesting to me to hear how it works for different people.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

From the meds your taking, it sounds like you have a possible affective disorder.
Maybe bipolar?
I was a psych nurse. There are lots of meds for affective disorders. They may have to do a trial & error of med combos to find what works best for you.
I have major depressive disorder. I went thru trials of meds & now have a regimen that's worked for me for years.
If I were you I would also get a therapist. They can help you with a safe place to vent & also give feedback to your prescriber to help with appropriate medication.
If you would like to talk privately you can always DM me.
Don't ever give up on your treatment. Its can be life changing, though there are lots of people here that don't like psych treatment. Some for good reason. Just don't ever give up.
And aside from not telling your Dr if you want to kill yourself or someone else, be honest with how you're feeling so they can "dial in" your meds to be effective.

How is lithium working for you? People I met in psych wards had mixed reactions to it, some turned into zombie-like state and some felt amazing on it. Most of them had either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. It's always interesting to me to hear how it works for different people.

I started with lithium a few days ago, start a conversation with me and we update each other.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

How is lithium working for you? People I met in psych wards had mixed reactions to it, some turned into zombie-like state and some felt amazing on it. Most of them had either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. It's always interesting to me to hear how it works for different people.

They normally don't give lithium to people with schizophrenia. It's a mood stabilizer for mood disorders, like bipolar. They were probably labeled 'schizoaffective'.

 

[theshund]

Yes. Diagnosed with CPTSD, Partial Dissociative Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Agoraphobia. Had CPTSD all my life (plus PDD by association). It ruined my marriage and I feel very guilty. According to my ex my behaviour (which she likened to bi-polar) traumatised my daughter. Mostly this from multiple suicide attempts (failed obviously). I'm a complete lowlife and deserve death for that alone.

 

[requiemforadream]

I suffer from PTSD. I don't feel guilt at all. It's not my fault.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I have bipolar 1 disorder. It wasn't diagnosed until last year and it's ruined my life. I feel guilty about it, even though I know I shouldn't.

It took many months for meds to have an effect, and there were a lot of unpleasant side effects along the way. The worst was feeling restlessness in my muscles at night so I couldn't sleep, that made me really want to kill myself. With adjusttment to the meds I've reached a state where the emotional pain is dulled, but I still don't feel good or normal. I really wish I could CTB, but I'm kind of in a holding pattern for now.

 

[itriedinthislife2]

it ruined my entire life.. if i never had mental health issues alot of things i could have avoided which have just left me to this deep dark state where im going to CTB this year

my mom has tried her best and i love her to death and im going to miss her forever, both moms actually and it breaks my heart but i just cant go on anymore in this painful existence. things sometimes get better and than im reminded everyday that im a failure by myself. mental health makes it impossible to live a normal life. i hate the stigma around it. i have no friends, family that would care and past friends that might hear about it eventually but im coming to my end. when i make my decision i will update you guys but at the rate things are going, its very likely ill ctb which brings me to sadness as ive always had potential but severe mental health issues are a cog in the wheel, my family will understand and come to terms eventually deep down
it ruined my entire life.. if i never had mental health issues alot of things i could have avoided which have just left me to this deep dark state where im going to CTB this year

my mom has tried her best and i love her to death and im going to miss her forever, both moms actually and it breaks my heart but i just cant go on anymore in this painful existence. things sometimes get better and than im reminded everyday that im a failure by myself. mental health makes it impossible to live a normal life. i hate the stigma around it. i have no friends, family that would care and past friends that might hear about it eventually but im coming to my end. when i make my decision i will update you guys but at the rate things are going, its very likely ill ctb which brings me to sadness as ive always had potential but severe mental health issues are a cog in the wheel, my family will understand and come to terms eventually deep down

Yes. Diagnosed with CPTSD, Partial Dissociative Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Agoraphobia. Had CPTSD all my life (plus PDD by association). It ruined my marriage and I feel very guilty. According to my ex my behaviour (which she likened to bi-polar) traumatised my daughter. Mostly this from multiple suicide attempts (failed obviously). I'm a complete lowlife and deserve death for that alone.

I have bipolar 1 disorder. It wasn't diagnosed until last year and it's ruined my life. I feel guilty about it, even though I know I shouldn't.

It took many months for meds to have an effect, and there were a lot of unpleasant side effects along the way. The worst was feeling restlessness in my muscles at night so I couldn't sleep, that made me really want to kill myself. With adjusttment to the meds I've reached a state where the emotional pain is dulled, but I still don't feel good or normal. I really wish I could CTB, but I'm kind of in a holding pattern for now.

gun and a little bit of booze and i would be gone tonight 1000%. guess i have to play it cool and obtain one eventually as im turning 21 on the 17th and have no felonys and that would be my ctb if thats too hard im going to go out with what i mentioned on my other post but no attempts here. i hate life

 

[JustHere1]

I've been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, chronic major depression, anxiety. I am not diagnosed but absolutely have severe C-PTSD. I used to deal with chronic insomnia that was likely influenced by OCD (similar symptoms) or something similar.

I am not medicated, but have been medicated in the past up until the past few months. I have been through therapy and seen a psychologist. The greatest work has been my own, and the greatest damage my own too. I tried many types of medications and I am a huge advocate for open communication between doctors and their patients to find the ones that fit best for you.

For me, medication worked for a time, but when I started dabbling into spirtuality (not religion, but associating with spirits and researching the topic) my mind started changing and present-day I'm linked up with some - if you've seen past posts regarding this you know what I mean. My brain chemistry seems totally bizarre now and medication doesn't seem to affect anything, save for cannabis and sedatives to combat anxiety attacks. I'm noticing the effects of cannabis are dramatically altering, a physical heaviness but mental clarity instead of the normal effect for me which I find quite fascinating. I plan on researching the effects of mental health at some point in a different way than what is generally explored here and maybe that could help folks going forward. I will say this has stabilized me and quaked the ground I stand upon in ways I never could have expected, so I'm handling the aftermath of trauma much better than expected, feels like my mind is maining for my body at this point to get me through this shit before the end. Thanks, brain :)

 

[mrelief82]

I do :( . If I run away from this man earlier I wouldn't be in this state .