I've lost people over the last few years. A gran, other gran, then a friend on his motorcycle age 16, a few months later my girlfriend in a scooter accident age 16, then my father at 19, and then a good friend in an accident and more. Not that it's a competition, but wow a lot of people have died already. Only my one gran reached a ripe old age. I know life isn't the easiest and that of all species on Earth, people have it the hardest. So when people die, I often think that in a sense they are lucky, they don't have to worry about anything ever again.
I would accept, and get stronger with each death, but then this year my sweet angel dachshund boy passed way before his time. I miss him so much, he got cancer and the vet didn't pick it up. I always knew how much he meant to me, and feel I failed him and betrayed myself by trusting the vet.
I will never be the same person again knowing that he wasn't able to live out his life fully and receive all the love he was due. I'm a strong person but I miss my sweet handsome sausage so much and it's the toughest thing in the world to let go and move on. I wish I was dead instead, I would swap places in a heartbeat. One day, maybe soon I can be at peace, back to dust with you for eternity. Love you forever Rolls!