Discussion Do you see yourself making it through the holidays?

[ScaredOfMachines]

I'm split, honestly. All of this holiday cheer and people being excited about the holidays is getting to me quite a bit, and not to mention that things will probably be much worse for me afterwards. But I'm a people-pleaser at the same time, and my dad seems really excited about me seeing the presents he got me for Christmas, and I don't want to let him down. It probably won't change the fact that he'll end up returning them if I wait a little past Christmas, but I guess I want to see him happy.

What about you all? I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but I was just wondering if anyone else was debating this or had made up their minds.

 

[Ceterum]

yes, I'll be making iot through, but this time of the years makes me really aware of how lonely I really am these days.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I have been feeling a bit worse each day of December, and I have been experiencing more suicidal thoughts. Even though there are reasons to hold on, it's hard to embrace them. There's a cloud of indifference to living, and I am tempted to act recklessly. But, I know that despite my feelings, I lack a plan of escape and will likely be making it into 2025.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I always spend Christmas alone. I live alone and stay inside with the blinds closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas so the neighbors will think I'm away. I've gotten used to it so it's not too bad. I usually sleep in both days and watch a lot of non-Christmas movies, and pretend it's not a holiday.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm making it through the "holidays" (aka Xmas/Yew Years) bc it's not a big thing where I live. They're pretty much like any other days of the year. Everything will be done with just a phone call and that's it. I wouldn't care so much about all that stuff either it's a + that it's not really celebrated where I live. But - I have to admit, I once liked this season of the year and I probably would like it again if my personal situation improved. This year I'm pretty much neutral to the "year-end-season".

 

[Forveleth]

Yeah, but only because I don't feel "ready" yet. I have a philosophy of not trying to force an attempt out of myself so I don't try unless I have a clear mind and am calm about dying (ie, I actively want to die but there is just a calm, determination behind it). Don't get me wrong, I still have severe depression and I wish I was dead in the meantime but I'm not quite there yet.

Now, after I have to spend a few days with my family over Christmas, that might be a different story.

 

[Tig]

My Dad died on Christmas eve 49 years ago when I was 10 years old.
That was the first time I thought about killing myself.
I never got over it, the holidays are always grim for me.

I always used to put on my happiest face for my Wife during Christmas, she was my everything.

She sparkled and shined every day, especially during the holidays, Thanksgiving to New Years was her favorite time of the year.

She is gone too now.
The holidays mean nothing to me at this point, just another season i think about ending it all.
Do I see myself making it through the holidays ?
Barely, end of January 2025, I will CTB.

I wanted to put on a happy face one more time for the love of my life, just for her, and only her.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't celebrate christmas so yeah. It's honestly just another normal day for me

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Physically- absolutely. Not that I really want to, but its complicated.

Now will I survive with my sanity intact? Well, that's a whole other story.

 

[unknown_xav]

I doubt I will make it, although I feel guilty that I would hurt my family, and pretty much ruin holidays but it's kind of hard for me to keep my depression, loss of meaning, coupled with physical pain from some health issues at bay longer. I normally celebrate Xmas alone either way, although family does have gatherings, since I was young I never liked the idea of holiday gatherings. I'm undecided but since I spend it alone either way mostly locked up with curtains drawn, I'll probably ctb soon. I already have a plan set out and everyday is a potential day, I just need the courage that's all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally it feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence, I wish I never suffered at all, I'll always see it as such a cruel, futile burden having to suffer in this existence and if it's up to me I would have ceased existing a while ago as non-existence is all I wish and hope for but of course I'm denied the option to just painlessly die and I'm enslaved in this existence as a result. I'd never wish for any of this and I wish I could just erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I wish I had access to painless guaranteed death as existence to me just feels like a terrible tragic mistake and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence, I'd always prefer to die painlessly than prolong the suffering in this existence there was never a need for at all just to be tormented by old age, I suffer simply from existing and as long as I exist I'll only hope for permanent freedom from this existence.

 

[dimgobaith]

I don't know. I don't want to ruin the holidays in future for my family but I also don't know if I can go on that long

 

[fishlover]

im excited for my boyfriend to open the present i got him. thats the main thing keeping me going.

 

[RULE8AM]

On Halloween i made plans to fly to Miami & jump off a hotel balcony on Christmas Eve, but just today i cancelled the one way plane ticket & hotel reservation. All this time i really did not see myself making it to Christmas.

But between 2 of my uncles dying since thanksgiving & just starting w/ a psychotherapist after waiting 3 months for an opening, i decided on making it through the holidays, i've sought out a more pleasant ctb i just ordered it early Tuesday morning.

Since ordering, my mindset has done a 180 & i'll be making it through the holidays unfortunately, but fortunately at the same time.

 

[TiredofLife-Thanks]

I'm split, honestly. All of this holiday cheer and people being excited about the holidays is getting to me quite a bit, and not to mention that things will probably be much worse for me afterwards. But I'm a people-pleaser at the same time, and my dad seems really excited about me seeing the presents he got me for Christmas, and I don't want to let him down. It probably won't change the fact that he'll end up returning them if I wait a little past Christmas, but I guess I want to see him happy.

What about you all? I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but I was just wondering if anyone else was debating this or had made up their minds.

I won't be able to see Christmas this year. I'm going to ruin my family, but next week I'm leaving.

 

[greebo6]

I'd like to ctb in January.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

Personally it feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence, I wish I never suffered at all, I'll always see it as such a cruel, futile burden having to suffer in this existence and if it's up to me I would have ceased existing a while ago as non-existence is all I wish and hope for but of course I'm denied the option to just painlessly die and I'm enslaved in this existence as a result. I'd never wish for any of this and I wish I could just erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I wish I had access to painless guaranteed death as existence to me just feels like a terrible tragic mistake and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence, I'd always prefer to die painlessly than prolong the suffering in this existence there was never a need for at all just to be tormented by old age, I suffer simply from existing and as long as I exist I'll only hope for permanent freedom from this existence.

I also want a quick and peaceful out. I keep wishing I'd get sick with something fast-acting.

 

[AnderDethsky]

Any holidays have long ceased to be something that I would look forward to, usually I find out that today is X day only because it is imposed on me very late through conversations of others about the agenda. Only later I find out that it turns out that you need to squeeze something out of yourself, otherwise you do not fit into the atmosphere in which you find yourself.

As for the new year, it will no longer be easy to ignore. It's definitely going to put pressure on me. Before him, it seemed so familiar that everything repeats day after day, everything is about the same, and if I did not CTB yesterday, then I can tomorrow, and I can postpone as much as I like, so postpone relatively without consequences. The new Year means more changes for me, usually the worst, and although the days of the week continue to count after it, what is meant by this by increasing the length of my life on earth makes me feel the syndrome of lost profits every time I do not die.

 

[voir2]

I hope I can keep going until the begining of 2025

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

I have usually liked Christmas/New Year but like last couple of years my depression/apathy and couple of bad memories associated with those days had reduced my ability to enjoy them as much as before. They're not that special days for me in my heart for that reason anymore which is sad.

But yeah, I probably make it to 2025 because of my indecisive brain about my current condition/situation and my brain's tendency to call upon something miraculous to happen to improve my situation and brain etc. health.

 

[foreverlanguish]

Def not New Year's. I don't want to celebrate some new year living on this Earth, I just want to die.

 

[bananaolympus]

Definitely yes, even in my darkest moments i would never try it near christmas because i feel is the worst date to die suicide or not

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm trying to make it through the holidays for my family, but it's such an uphill battle. Akathesia has been ruining my sleep and torturing me, and last night it progressed to stomach pains and delirium.

On top of the new physical issues, today my wife has decided to turn on me. Our marriage is over, but she's still been at least somewhat supportive since my life fell apart, and we need to maintain some level of working relationship for our children. Now she's gone from supportive to combative which stabs my heart when I'm already mortally wounded.

So unless things improve I'll CTB this week. I'm really sad to ruin holidays, but I can only take so much.

 

[sanan23]

I'm split, honestly. All of this holiday cheer and people being excited about the holidays is getting to me quite a bit, and not to mention that things will probably be much worse for me afterwards. But I'm a people-pleaser at the same time, and my dad seems really excited about me seeing the presents he got me for Christmas, and I don't want to let him down. It probably won't change the fact that he'll end up returning them if I wait a little past Christmas, but I guess I want to see him happy.

What about you all? I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but I was just wondering if anyone else was debating this or had made up their minds.

i really dont think so the holidays might legit kill me, i ordered sn off this shady website online so if it arrives in the holidays then i will use it then

 

[Littlepaws]

I will, but only because I haven't re-acquired my chosen method.

Things were actually looking up for me up until a few weeks ago, but then I just kept receiving pieces of bad news every week.

This year will be the first time that I'm spending the holidays alone, and I'm not looking forward to it.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Sadly yes, I'll make it through the holidays. I hate the holidays with a passion, always have.

I hate having to put on a fake smiley face, no matter how much I'm dying inside.

The only thing I can say I like about xmas is driving around and seeing all the lights. That's the only highlight for me.