I have many faults, but there used to be years where I really gave all I had in a huge attempt to leave a positive mark on the world.
Now after many vicissitudes I've understood that I don't care about being recognized, people are too chaotic and eventually what I'll do will get erased, ignored or misinterpreted at some point in history. I just sit and wait.
I try not to do harm, neither at myself not at others, I won't make our situation as human beings worse than it is.
I don't feel like I deserved all of these limitations, however. Well, not that I can complain about it since the universe is not here to satisfy petty requests. "My" misery is "our" misery as people.
We have failed, as for now, to rearrange the natural Chaos of the universe and here's the real reason why life as a collective species is a bare mess and the worst things happen indifferently to the "good" and the "bad". The universe is indifferent, we are malicious.