Do you think your depression is lying to you all the time?

[noname223]

I date this woman from my self-help group. I am probably the most severe case in my self-help group and we all know that. Despite the fact they might only know 30% of the truth. She borrowed me this book 7 lies you depression tells you.

I am just reading it. And she left interesting personal comments on some pages. (I think we don't have a future though she will keep her boyfriend).

It is sort of a self-help group. Sort of superficial and mainstream. I consider it a beginner guide for depression. It generalizes and it is mostly about rather mild cases.
Thus far it never mentioned treatment resistiance, ECT and severe life issues. (shit life syndrome)

She gave me the book because she thought I internalized a lie that my depression told me. Tbh in my comparison of my depressive and hypomanic me my depressive me is way more realistic. I think I am never without depression the last several years.

I think my therapist might make it even worse. She understands women and that's a huge benefit because I know dog shit. 90% of our time we analyze me dealing with women. The other parts of my life even seem to be more hopless. She forgets things all the time. And sometimes she is not very attentive. But that's not the worst about her. She gave me one very good advice on me dating women. And I highly appreciate that. However, she agrees that there are systemic issues in my life. In general and obstacles to find a significant other. But she is not sugar coding it. I think though this reinforces my hoplessness about the future. And I consider to kill myself in April. On my bucket list there only remains to find a partner. Experience a romantic relationship.

I think some of my therapists agreed on some "lies" (how the book calls them) the depression told me. Not all hopelessness is is irrational or solely caused by depression. Sometimes it can be really rational and objective. I think I have to hope for a miracle and that's the truth. Not that my evaluation of the situation is completely biased and deluded. Some parts of this book encourage to write a suicide manifesto. Lol. But there were also parts that I liked. However, it is rather superficial and popscientiifcal.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Depressive Realism

I don't think I have
"depression", I think I have a pretty clear view of myself and the world. If I ctb it will be a rational and cold calculation of whether it's worthwhile to still be here or not. I am more distressed when I have a depressed mood, but I am no more or less suicidal.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

On the contrary, I have to lie to my depression all the time just to survive but luckily that won't work forever.

 

[GlassMoon]

I think the depression is both pretty good at lying as well as telling the raw truth which I don't want to see.

When I get rejected by someone, depression tells me that it's my fault, which must not be true, and may therefore be a lie, as you said. Or the feeling of worthlessness which many of us share telling me I should not even attempt to reach out to someone because I'm boring and useless to them.

On the other hand, those deeply sad states and anxiety states sometimes feel like a state of heightened awareness, where I realize what I've done wrong in my life and which priorities I should have set differently. I know from CBT how one can in principle escape from the sad state, but then I feel like I don't want to because when I go back to "happy" I'll continue ignoring these issues. I want to set up a journal where both the sad and happy me can take notes, such that when I feel neutral, I can try to find the truth. But as always, OCD and procrastination have so far prevented that from happening.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not my depression so much (if I even have it) but, certainly other issues:

My social anxiety will tell me everyone's thinking what an inadequate, ugly, fat person you are. Hopefully, most people aren't that rude.

My lack of confidence is the big one. That will tell me: You can't do this, look at how slow you are! Look at the awful job you made of that. It's just like that other project you did that was shit. That person even said out loud you were too slow. You're never going to be as good as the person they had here doing this job before. You're kind of a fraud really. You're going to fail this company. What you've just done isn't suitable and, there's no time to do it again. You're supposed to be a professional! They're paying you to be an expert on this! What must they be thinking? Plus- this isn't financially viable- but, that's true. Then, I'll submit whatever it is and it will (usually) be fine!

Or, my limerence: I love that man. I love everything about him. I never want to stop loving him. But, he doesn't feel the same. He'd probably be repulsed by the idea of me liking him. (The last two are also probably true. The 'love' bit isn't though. Not really.)

Or, my borderline eating disorders: I'm desperate to eat that whole packet of biscuits. I need that fix. I may as well just do it. If I don't do it, I don't know how I'm going to live with this feeling. Or the reverse: I can't even eat that tiny biscuit that came with the coffee because it contains fat and sugar and, I'll just get the taste for it then and go full on Cookie Monster!

Weird because I don't entirely consider myself mentally ill but I don't think any of the above is 'normal'! Sometimes I wonder how nice it must be for people who are confident. Who don't have to live with so much self doubt. I wonder if I would have been better or worse at what I do if I'd had more confidence. Sounds strange maybe but, excessive confidence sometimes makes people complacent I think.