Discussion Do you want people to feel sorry for you post CTB?

[Forever Sleep]

Hypothetically speaking, if you were to commit suicide, would you want people to feel sorry for you post CTB? As in, do you hope they would view either elements of your life and/or your death as tragic?

I expect the majority of people here have had their lives blighted by things beyond their control. Illness, trauma, bad circumstances etc.

I think there are certain things in my life that would probably be considered tragic. Losing a parent early on and a few other close family members before I was 10. Other elements of my childhood I would say were very unfortunate, if not tragic. So- I'd be grateful for sympathy on them.

But then, some of the more (debatably) 'tragic' things in life have come from my own choosing to an extent. I've never had a partner. In my 20's, 30's, that was a source of great pain. I was in the full throws of limerence then though! It took me a very long time to work that out. And when I did, I also realised it would have been a disaster if I'd gotten together with any of those guys!

The relationships absolutely wouldn't have lasted and I don't think the experience would have done me any favours. Just broken my heart. I had this weird realisation that I was strangely grateful not to have been attractive enough that they reciprocated.

Maybe I think it's tragic that some people suffer with limerence though. I don't think it's a healthy mindset. I also wonder what impact it has on those who then actually have a relationship with the 'love object'. Can it develop into something genuine and stable and, based in the real world?

Regardless though, I'm not sure that my failure in love is tragic. It's more that common sense saved the day! None of the guys I was crazy for would have been a good match- even if that had been remotely possible.

The one time it looked like things could go further with one guy, I'm so relieved really that my mind took hold of my heart and said- this isn't enough. This isn't even real! You should leave now. Weirdly though, I was still limerent on him for years after but then- I guess that's the nature of it- fantasy.

I think maybe other things that held me back in life like social anxiety and lack of confidence are partly tragic. But then, I also think we ought to take some responsibility in life too. If we know we have these issues, we ought to work on overcoming them and- I didn't. So- maybe the cause of them developing to such a degree was tragic but my failure to fix them was lazyness and fear. Fear is kind of tragic though I suppose.

I think so many people here have been made timid and self doubting/ hating through bullying and- that is tragic I think. To be downtrodden to the point where you have so much difficulty in getting up again and- don't even want to is tragic- bordering on evil with regards to the bully.

Lastly though, would you want your suicide itself to be seen as tragic? I'd say yes and no really. Suicide to me is a mirrored reflection of life. So- if large elements of their life were tragic, that's mirrored or maybe epitomized in their suicide.

There again, I don't like suicide being viewed as a weak, timid or cowardly act. I think suicide is an act of defiance. It's a choice to reject this world. So, I maybe hope that mine would be seen more like that. I have a rebellious heart to an extent.

My suicide would be a way of me rescuing myself from the likelihood of an ever worsening life. I've often felt like suicide will be me acting as the own hero in my story. I'm going to help me escape this place eventually (hopefully.)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No. I actually want the opposite. If possible, I want people to not see my death as something tragic but rather instead as something that's liberating and freeing. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I want them to look back at me and think at how I am now at peace as I am no longer subjected to the harms and horrors that life has to offer. I want them to be happy for my death because it's what I wanted for most of my life and it has freed me from the agony that I experience every single day

 

[mattoman]

Not really. I'm in my late 20's and obviously people would be like "shame we lost him at such young age", but even before I was suicidal I'd want people to not be sad about me being gone, rather I'd want them to think about the happy moments. I've lost loved ones of course and it fucking sucks, but later on I started think about those good moments with them.

 

[Namelesa]

I would want my suicide to be seen as tragic to my family members as a way to have revenge on them for trapping me and preventing my ctb attempts as much as possible but aside from that I don't want it to be seen as tragic. For me I don't find my suicide to be tragic as I would say death is freeing thing for me as I get to avoid the pain of this world. I would say its more tragic for me to keep living and continuing my suffering.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I want people to view my death as a relief from all the suffering I've caused and would have caused had I stayed alive. I know there will be some stragglers, friends and family who can't see the truth of the matter staring them right in the face, but I'm sure the rest of the world that is aware of me will be grateful that there is one less incel in the world to terrorize them. My limerence has been directly harmful to the people involved. I know this because the video that explained to me what limerence is said that the limerence object always suffers more than the one experiencing the limerence when the object is a woman and the limerent person is a man. Considering how much I've suffered from this it means the four women I've ever felt attracted to must have endured absolute hell and I know if people could just understand the suffering I've inflicted upon them they would agree that my death is the correct course of action lest any more women have to suffer at my hands.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Tbh I just want my ctb will be effective for even one only person

 

[darkest]

I never really put a thought to what I would want, I just have an expectation of how certain people would react and I don't mind any sort of way it would affect anyone.
for many reasons, the biggest one being that I wouldn't be there to care. neither do I think anyone would be too deeply affected except for a handful anyway. (like parents and I definitely don't care, I didn't ask to be born, and my life is my choice kind of thing, but I digress)
I never really had a want for things to go a certain way, I more so just adapt with what really is, and since it's CTB we're talking about then I wouldn't be there for my want to have a purpose so I genuinely have no clue what I would "want" in the scenario seeing as I don't get anything in return, I truly do not care what they think.
Though I suppose to make it easier for me to imagine, I'll picture it as if I survived, I suppose I'd want them to react kindly and not humiliate me, I'm already way too sensitive I don't need any more shit on my plate, but I'd prefer it if no big deal was made out of it, funny enough.

TL;DR sure but I'd absolutely prefer it if people just let go.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want people to view my death as a relief from all the suffering I've caused and would have caused had I stayed alive. I know there will be some stragglers, friends and family who can't see the truth of the matter staring them right in the face, but I'm sure the rest of the world that is aware of me will be grateful that there is one less incel in the world to terrorize them. My limerence has been directly harmful to the people involved. I know this because the video that explained to me what limerence is said that the limerence object always suffers more than the one experiencing the limerence when the object is a woman and the limerent person is a man. Considering how much I've suffered from this it means the four women I've ever felt attracted to must have endured absolute hell and I know if people could just understand the suffering I've inflicted upon them they would agree that my death is the correct course of action lest any more women have to suffer at my hands.

I can't totally confidently comment- not being in possession of all the facts of your behaviour but, you've always come across as being too self aware to be that evil. The worst incels I've come across are both incredibly entitled and misogynistic. I think- if that were your true character, it would spill out into your posts and as far as I'm aware, it doesn't.

Having a crush on someone and acting awkwardly in front of them might make them feel awkward and embarassed. I very much doubt you've caused them actual harm though unless you've physically stalked them and been an intimidating presence. As in- is this guy gonna attack me? I don't get the impression that's you. But then, not to undermine what you feel either.

I don't know. Like, some members here have described quite brutal acts against others that they felt unable to control. I've never read anything like that from you. More that a girl has realised you like them. You've probably realised they've realised and I'm guessing- backed off. I imagine if you were that 'evil', you wouldn't even register that she felt unconfortable or, it would become a turn on.

I suppose if I'm honest, you're one of the members here that intrigues me. Not in a dodgy way. In as much as- Are they actually the POS they make themselves out to be?... They don't seem to be. But then, if they're (probably) not, why do they think they are? Just thinking out loud really. I'm sure you're going to reply that you are in fact the devil incarnate and all the 'evilness' is true...

 

[ringo99]

I don't give a rat's ass what anyone feels. The dead are deaf. My reason for ctb is to end my suffering. There's nothing complicated here

 

[zekeyaeger]

I don't give a rat's ass what anyone feels. The dead are deaf. My reason for ctb are to end my suffering. There's nothing complicated here

I love this.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can't totally confidently comment- not being in possession of all the facts of your behaviour but, you've always come across as being too self aware to be that evil. The worst incels I've come across are both incredibly entitled and misogynistic. I think- if that were your true character, it would spill out into your posts and as far as I'm aware, it doesn't.

Having a crush on someone and acting awkwardly in front of them might make them feel awkward and embarassed. I very much doubt you've caused them actual harm though unless you've physically stalked them and been an intimidating presence. As in- is this guy gonna attack me? I don't get the impression that's you. But then, not to undermine what you feel either.

I don't know. Like, some members here have described quite brutal acts against others that they felt unable to control. I've never read anything like that from you. More that a girl has realised you like them. You've probably realised they've realised and I'm guessing- backed off. I imagine if you were that 'evil', you wouldn't even register that she felt unconfortable or, it would become a turn on.

I suppose if I'm honest, you're one of the members here that intrigues me. Not in a dodgy way. In as much as- Are they actually the POS they make themselves out to be?... They don't seem to be. But then, if they're (probably) not, why do they think they are? Just thinking out loud really. I'm sure you're going to reply that you are in fact the devil incarnate and all the 'evilness' is true...

I technically did stalk my first love interest. When she transferred to a new middle school I happened to also transfer to that one without knowing she was there but I'm sure she must have seen it as me switching schools just to be with her because she knew I liked her. It doesn't matter what I meant, intent does not excuse the horrible actions and uncomfortable feelings I did and gave to her. I've also had urges to want to look at my later crushes when my yearning was at its most desperate. I never followed them but I may have increased encounter rates and I'm sure they picked up on that. The most recent crush has also definitely suffered at my hands because of the panic attacks I had in front of her. I literally screamed and ran in terror multiple times after seeing her. How could she not be negatively affected by that?

To answer if I'm as evil as I say: yes. And more than I'd ever admit. As much as I hate myself, I'm still weak to the quick dopamine hits from people positively engaging with me on the internet and so even though I use this as an outlet for my frustrations with myself, there are still even darker aspects of myself that I rarely mention and have also outright omitted. You'll just have to take my word for it I suppose because the end consequence is the same: the world would still be a better place without me in it even if not everyone knows exactly why. You can let the results speak for themselves. If I really wasn't such an evil incel then I should have had at least one of my crushes go well already but since they haven't it must mean I deserve this loneliness.

 

[alltoomuch2]

No. In an ideal world no one would think about me at all afterwards, and preferably before.

 

[Tig]

My Dad died at years old 10 years too.
Never have gotten over it, to this day.
Many elements of my life tragic, at 59 I've "lived" too.
Estranged from my family since 16, my few close friends mean the world to me, we've seen many sides to life, war, love and everything else in between.

I would prefer it if my friends did not know I died, leaving the memory in there heads of adventurers in far away lands as we've always had, no notes, no tears, no goodbyes.
Only fond memories of the time we all spent together as "Family"
and the hope that we see other again on the other side.

 

[onelastcall]

I would rather just be forgotten.

 

[theater]

No absolutely not. The only people who would even know that I'm dead are people who hate me. They won't feel sorry for me, and given how they hate me, I do not want their sorrow directed my way either.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

No I wouldn't want pity. Empathy, yes. I've been told my childhood was horrific, but to me, it was normal, so I guess I'd have that. Not that I'd want it. I honestly don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I want to be seen as I'm at peace now, whenever I decide to go. A part of me would like to be remembered for my caring nature, and a part of me wishes those still alive would forget I ever existed.

We all make poor choices in life, that is quite literally part of life. No one is perfect, no matter what you see on the outside - appearances are very deceptive - people often only allow us to see what they want you to see - I am one of those people, being a very private individual it's important to pretend I'm fine and whatnot, besides, I don't like to be a bother or a burden.

It doesn't make you are a bad person for making poor choices in your life - who hasn't? Nor does it mean you aren't deserving of empathy and/or sympathy, unless you do something completely unforgivable - for example, are a pedo, rapist, general abusive piece of shit, those types of things. There are charities out there that help those through domestic violence for a reason, not because you shouldn't have help, but because these things happen for a reason. Just an example.

Others make the same poor choices over and over again, perhaps until they finally get the help to stop doing it. Trauma usually causes shit like that. Repeating poor choices, but it is what makes us human afterall.

Good people make poor choices all the time. And bad people do good things - it doesn't make them good - that is merely fake to keep up the facade of how 'nice' they are, while they keep the mask firmly on, until it one day happens to slip.

 

[theboy]

Not exactly

I want them to feel guilt for what they did to me.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'd want people to feel some relief for me that I escaped the tortured hell my life had become, even though it's sad that it came to this.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

No, I just want to go peacefully and be at rest and I'd like people to accept that. That's one of the reasons I hope I'll get sick and die rather than ctb. People are much more accepting of a death due to a physical illness. But I hope to be so ready to go that the people and cares of this world seem far, far away.

 

[FruitBrain]

Honestly I just want everyone to forget about it and move on if I ever did.

 

[savory]

I think suicide is an act of defiance. It's a choice to reject this world. So, I maybe hope that mine would be seen more like that. I have a rebellious heart to an extent.

This, or forget me. My family tells me I've always been hard headed. I've had to feel some sense of pride in being defiant in order to get by in a life of rampant oppression. Suicide is fitting.

 

[MeltingBrain]

Hypothetically speaking, if you were to commit suicide, would you want people to feel sorry for you post CTB? As in, do you hope they would view either elements of your life and/or your death as tragic?

I expect the majority of people here have had their lives blighted by things beyond their control. Illness, trauma, bad circumstances etc.

I think there are certain things in my life that would probably be considered tragic. Losing a parent early on and a few other close family members before I was 10. Other elements of my childhood I would say were very unfortunate, if not tragic. So- I'd be grateful for sympathy on them.

But then, some of the more (debatably) 'tragic' things in life have come from my own choosing to an extent. I've never had a partner. In my 20's, 30's, that was a source of great pain. I was in the full throws of limerence then though! It took me a very long time to work that out. And when I did, I also realised it would have been a disaster if I'd gotten together with any of those guys!

The relationships absolutely wouldn't have lasted and I don't think the experience would have done me any favours. Just broken my heart. I had this weird realisation that I was strangely grateful not to have been attractive enough that they reciprocated.

Maybe I think it's tragic that some people suffer with limerence though. I don't think it's a healthy mindset. I also wonder what impact it has on those who then actually have a relationship with the 'love object'. Can it develop into something genuine and stable and, based in the real world?

Regardless though, I'm not sure that my failure in love is tragic. It's more that common sense saved the day! None of the guys I was crazy for would have been a good match- even if that had been remotely possible.

The one time it looked like things could go further with one guy, I'm so relieved really that my mind took hold of my heart and said- this isn't enough. This isn't even real! You should leave now. Weirdly though, I was still limerent on him for years after but then- I guess that's the nature of it- fantasy.

I think maybe other things that held me back in life like social anxiety and lack of confidence are partly tragic. But then, I also think we ought to take some responsibility in life too. If we know we have these issues, we ought to work on overcoming them and- I didn't. So- maybe the cause of them developing to such a degree was tragic but my failure to fix them was lazyness and fear. Fear is kind of tragic though I suppose.

I think so many people here have been made timid and self doubting/ hating through bullying and- that is tragic I think. To be downtrodden to the point where you have so much difficulty in getting up again and- don't even want to is tragic- bordering on evil with regards to the bully.

Lastly though, would you want your suicide itself to be seen as tragic? I'd say yes and no really. Suicide to me is a mirrored reflection of life. So- if large elements of their life were tragic, that's mirrored or maybe epitomized in their suicide.

There again, I don't like suicide being viewed as a weak, timid or cowardly act. I think suicide is an act of defiance. It's a choice to reject this world. So, I maybe hope that mine would be seen more like that. I have a rebellious heart to an extent.

My suicide would be a way of me rescuing myself from the likelihood of an ever worsening life. I've often felt like suicide will be me acting as the own hero in my story. I'm going to help me escape this place eventually (hopefully.)

Well put down and resonated a lot with me .
I am sorry that you didn't experience any romantic love when you were young due to a lack of confidence and social anxiety. These things sometimes double down on your self-introspection and reward mechanisms in your brain. I have/had some insecurities which did this to my way of thinking. Maybe in your case you had confidence issues, you spoke with someone it didn't go as well . Then your brain makes you avoid those situations (to avoid a negative reward) , which makes you question your confidence even more, leading to more avoidance . Self-introspection means admitting that you are low in confidence (a negative reward) which your brain tries to avoid. This way the correct diagnosis of problems never comes. Only when a person is completely honest and accepts all the limitations/flaws of oneself can any correction be done. Although I don't know till what extent all this applies to you.

I am in my 20's and am going through similar things you have penned down . I don't have any romantic love and I avoid getting into a relationship. I don't want a woman to be with someone who has failing health .

When I am alive, I want people to sympathize with my circumstance but not be pitiful . I hate pity (when I am alive) it makes me feel weak and of lower stature. When I am dead I don't mind people feeling sorry because something truly terrible has happened but more importantly I want them to know it's not my mistake and someone with potential was lost to circumstance .

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I want people to view my life as tragic but my death as triumphant.

 

[yowai]

I grew up and currently live again in a small village so I don't even want to think about all these people gossiping about me and my family lol. I don't want people close to me to feel bad

 

[octopusinu]

sometimes i do, but i think thats really cruel, it would suck if i made the few people i cared about sad, so i think its better if nobody knows

 

[Sutter]

Hell.

Would rather there was no "sorry". The sorry wont be for me anyway, the sorry is for those left. My impression for many there is no concept of what to say after a death and yet the biggest concern wont be a life I could have lived but rather a sorry as they worry about theirs.

When I go, dont want a sorry, for those living and liking it, get busy living. If there is no desire and a crushing weight left hanging on their shoulders, get busy dieing. There is no room for a sorry, lived, made choices, died. Sorry implies an apology, a beginning to an end, a patching of a thing. Im no longer here for any of that, cry, grieve maybe but don't bother with feeling sorry, that time is past.

Instead raise a dram of scotch, whether you like it or not, and sip that bastard till its down. Hug someone you know and love, think hard on what you value and shake the hand of the next forlorn person that will catch the bus also.

Sorry…Hell no, thankful its not you, jealous it is, those I can die with forever.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I really don't know. Part of me wants to be pitied, but the other just wants to disappear.

 

[TheHolySword]

Not at all. I don't want to be a tragedy. I don't want to be remembered as a suicide. I know my death and my memory will be marred by this action, and when I am thought of it will be of this. But I want to be more than my death.

 

[Forever Sleep]

But I want to be more than my death.

That's a great way of putting it.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

No. People pitied me enough in life, I don't want them doing that in death too.