Does anybody else self harm instead of ctb?

[k3v3r]

When i don't have the opportunity to self harm i get so suicidal. Usually i can distract my suicidal impulses by self harming.

 

[nzdarkshark]

I was similar last year, guess I still am.
When I don't have urges I feel suicidal.
Doesn't have to be cutting either, anything to make myself suffer.

 

[262653]

When i don't have the opportunity to self harm i get so suicidal. Usually i can distract my suicidal impulses by self harming.

Hahaha, for me it's the opposite. I start harming my body after a failed attempt. My body is a country and I'm terrorizing it's citizens. Payback, motherfuckers!!!

 

[scorpiooo2]

I

When i don't have the opportunity to self harm i get so suicidal. Usually i can distract my suicidal impulses by self harming.

I'm the same way. It's like when I can't self-harm I just get thrown back into the same suicidal phases I've felt for years. To the point where when I do self-harm again it's so stress relieving

 

[hache.cicatrizes]

Es cruel, aunque me hace sonreír. O calmarse. Pero tengo más miedo de ser feliz con toques de distorsión. Cuando soy feliz, me hago daño. Para soportar mi alegría. Jajaja me atrevo, salgo con polo o ropa corta a veces me da la gana, pero yo

 

[Rocksandsand]

Oh god yes.

I got quite fond of bloodletting recently. I'd put a cannula in my arm and let the blood flow. It felt like a half-suicide. Afterwards I'd be so heavily dissociated. It was like getting high without actually needing a drug

Fast-forward two weeks. I'd lost a total of around 2L of blood. I needed a transfusion from blood loss. It felt like I was inching closer and closer to death.

I've been trying not to do anything since I had the transfusion. I crave it literally every day

 

[EmptySteph62]

I self harm to cope with my suicidal urges, like it makes me focus more on the physical pain than the emotional pain and at least I know the physical pain will get better in time.
But yeah I try not to so often in the summer so I can wear short sleeves without fresh cuts showing (idc about scars but fresh makes me uncomfortable) and as a result I get waaayyy worse in terms of urges when I can't self harm at least 2 or 3 times a week.

 

[Ness]

I do self harm, but it's usually for the sake of the pain. I punch myself, snap hairties on my wrists and when I know I won't be around people for at least a day there's a big chance I'll go for cutting. I try to keep it contained under where I put on lots of bracelets and hairties so I can wear short sleeves and that's worked very well so far in making people not look any closer.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I really don't see the point in self-harm.

 

[Ness]

I really don't see the point in self-harm.

It depends on the person. Some do it for the control it gives them over their own body, some (like me) do it to feel the physical pain for whatever various reasons (such as it being easier to handle, it being a distraction, it being proof of being alive and so on).

 

[Bathsheba]

Yes! I've been self harming for over 20 years. Part of it is like practicing to ctb in a way. Like taking the pain. Recently I've been cutting more on my wrists even though I know that would be a bad choice for a successful method to ctb, but it just feels more serious as a form of self harm. Nothing compares to when I see the blood. It's a release, a buzz, it's calming and soothing. It keeps me going till I ctb for real.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I am self harming until I get to the point of trying to CTB again. It used to ground me but not as much anymore, which is so frustrating, I either cut my arms or use something to beat my leg with, my upper thigh is currently one very large bruise.

 

[Zer0]

I used to cut myself to ease my suicidal thoughts 2 years ago, now I'm afraid I won't pass medical exam to work because of the scars and that makes me want to cut myself again. Self harm is a cycle to me.

 

[deathislove]

I'm glad I found this site then. Self harm is so tabooed, if you mention it around I guess normal people they want to send you to a doctor. But you guys are right. Self harm is relieving. The sound of my skin slitting open and the sight of my blood oozing out creates an amazing feeling. When I dont cut, I often get suicidal too. Usually that happens when I'm in public places and I deal with it by climbing to high places and sitting on high edges just to get my blood flowing.