Does anyone actually care?

[Arnar]

How many people actually care about how you feel? Like *actually* care. My mother is extremely sweet and loving and kind but I think that she wants what is best for me just so that she can gossip about me to her friends in the workplace. The only reason why she wants me to be happy is because she wants to be a mom with a "happy son" and a happy family, but not because she actually wants *me* to BE happy, or cares about how I feel. You know? And if my mom doesn't care then no one really does. I'm thinking this way because people in my life often respond with anger and frustration when I'm at a particularly low point instead of empathy

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, people might think they care, but of course all people are naturally selfish. I know they would never accept my decision to ctb and would want to keep me alive at all costs even know it is against my wishes, because my death would negatively affect them.

 

[Celerity]

I think my family cares. They just don't have much of a capacity to handle me at my lowest moments. I don't think many people do even with people they genuinely care about. At best, you get a laundry list of supposed solutions you never asked for and which don't work. At worst, you are labeled as obstinate or selfish.

I'm very sorry that the dynamic between you and your mother is as you describe.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

There is no single answer to this question. Some people may have many who genuinely care about them, some people have only a few that care and lastly (and unfortunately) there are those with no one at all.

It can depend on many factors such as where you live in the world, because each culture views issues such as suicide differently, but also what "type" of individual you are and what kind of people that you surround yourself with, or alternatively which people choose to surround you.

 

[ClownMe]

In my case, i dont think anyone in my family truly cares, my mum even tells me whenever i talk about my depression to just hurry up and knock myself off already.

 

[Celerity]

In my case, i dont think anyone in my family truly cares, my mum even tells me whenever i talk about my depression to just hurry up and knock myself off already.

Wtf? That's so awful. What a bitch. My dad has said something similar in the past but it was during an argument and not repeated again.

 

[suisuiforum]

I cannot fathom such a concept of someone caring for another without a trace of ulterior motives, and I've never met anyone in my life who can come close to convincing me that they do. Maybe others have had better experiences, but I'm tired of waiting to be proven wrong.

 

[ClownMe]

Wtf? That's so awful. What a bitch. My dad has said something similar in the past but it was during an argument and not repeated again.

Yep, that's the best way to describe my mum... a bitch.

 

[Flippy]

I think human beings relate to people on different levels depending on their level of empathy. Some just see people as vague concepts like non player characters in games. They know about you, they might know you exist and you do some things at some times that seem important to you. But probably don't understand or care to know why.

Other people have more awareness or empathy and can in a sense "put themselves in your shoes". They try to see things from your perspective. It's metacognition, and sadly it's not as common or as necessary for human interaction as most of us would like.

It's a "path of least resistance" thing again I guess. Humans largely, tend towards laziness. So whatever the most simple concept they can create of people and things the more simple life seems. Simplicity breeds happiness for a lot of people.

So sadly a lot of people can't understand why you feel depressed or unfulfilled. They may not intend to be lacking in sympathy, they may want their "concept" of you to be happy but their concept doesn't necessarily correlate with the true immutable "you".

So people respond with anger when you talk about your depression, partly because they are limited in their perceptions, and also because acknowledging it would threaten the reality they've constructed for themselves, and that would be "mean". It's like the slaves in "Plato's Cave", they prefer the comfort of their beautiful illusion.

 

[littlelungs]

I understand the feeling, @Arnar. I sometimes used feel that way with my dad, but more so when I was younger in my last year or so of high school and when I was struggling through university. I know that he genuinely wanted me to be okay because it killed him to see me suffering so badly, but at the same time I just sometimes got the feeling that he wanted me to be well so that I could get a bunch of degrees and he could have something to brag about, for lack of a better word... whenever I went to his work, the people there were always like, "Oh, you're the daughter who's super smart, in university and speaks lots of languages!" I think he was just proud of me and couldn't contain it, but I felt a lot of pressure from it and was terrified of ending up as "the daughter who failed", and I just generally felt like I was going to crack from the pressure of needing to do/be well, especially because I was struggling a fuck ton with my body and mind... makes me sad to think about because I feel like I've really let him down. With that said, I could just be projecting when it comes to all of this, though – I don't know if I'm gaslighting myself when I say this; it's hard for me to tell because I'm just such a mess of a human being. I also (admittedly) have MAJOR daddy issues and just want him to be proud of me. He has nothing to be proud of anymore, that's for damn sure.

I also get that feeling even more so with my mother-in-law as it relates to both her son (my husband) and I, in which she mostly just wants something to talk about with her friends, and it's a lot more clear-cut than it is with my dad. I know she wants us to be well, but I think a lot of it is simply due to the fact that she just wants to live this great life without the burden of helping her son and daughter-in-law with basic survival stuff, like bringing us groceries. She's not an evil person but she's definitely a narcissist, and I feel very sorry for my husband when it comes to this... I definitely get the feeling that she just wants a happy son who's physically and mentally healthy, not so much for his sake, but for hers. The whole thing just makes me feel really icky.

In my case, i dont think anyone in my family truly cares, my mum even tells me whenever i talk about my depression to just hurry up and knock myself off already.

That's so fucked up, I'm so sorry. My dad said something similar to me a few years ago: "Just kill yourself already! Don't *try*, just fucking do it!" is the gist of it. He then got up my ass about me not finishing my degree. Regardless of how exasperated or at a loss a parent might be, it's a terrible thing to say and it doesn't excuse it. It feels so bad and definitely does a lot of damage to hear a parent say something like that. I read about this kind of stuff being said by parents a lot over here, and it makes me so sad. It shouldn't be like that.

[Edit: a word.]

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Not a solitary soul.

 

[Makko]

 

[auror.]

Most people think they care when, really, they just feel obligated to keep up appearances.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

That's like that scene in Home Alone 2 where he's like "My family's in Florida…I'm in New York" :( "… my family's…in Florida?? I'm in…New York?" >:D

 

[kappa]

I'm assuming you're on the younger side.

My family never cared either. I tried to OD 3 times and it wasn't even spoken about.

But to answer your question, most people don't care in my opinion. I think few can, and it's just trying to find those people.

I always notice when people just talk about themselves for example. Depression can alter how we see things but trust your intuition. If someone doesn't seem to care or benefit you in anyway, drop them.

 

[apathetic.]

Well I'm pretty distant to my family members. There's only 1 person that cares about me but even then I feel misunderstood and alone. It's always this " you've not seen the world how can you say you're not gonna enjoy it " or " we are gonna be rich move out live freely" " things are getting better" "I will go insane" etc . It's a mess

 

[S like suicide]

I don't think so...nobody really cares me

 

[apathetic.]

I mean I do.. I'm sure others do too

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I mean, there's people who care, but I'm pretty isolated and lack the ability to connect with them in a meaningful way about what I'm going through. Mostly I think that people just want to "fix" something that can't be fixed.

 

[Arnar]

I understand the feeling, @Arnar. I sometimes used feel that way with my dad, but more so when I was younger in my last year or so of high school and when I was struggling through university. I know that he genuinely wanted me to be okay because it killed him to see me suffering so badly, but at the same time I just sometimes got the feeling that he wanted me to be well so that I could get a bunch of degrees and he could have something to brag about, for lack of a better word... whenever I went to his work, the people there were always like, "Oh, you're the daughter who's super smart, in university and speaks lots of languages!" I think he was just proud of me and couldn't contain it, but I felt a lot of pressure from it and was terrified of ending up as "the daughter who failed", and I just generally felt like I was going to crack from the pressure of needing to do/be well, especially because I was struggling a fuck ton with my body and mind... makes me sad to think about because I feel like I've really let him down. With that said, I could just be projecting when it comes to all of this, though – I don't know if I'm gaslighting myself when I say this; it's hard for me to tell because I'm just such a mess of a human being. I also (admittedly) have MAJOR daddy issues and just want him to be proud of me. He has nothing to be proud of anymore, that's for damn sure.

I also get that feeling even more so with my mother-in-law as it relates to both her son (my husband) and I, in which she mostly just wants something to talk about with her friends, and it's a lot more clear-cut than it is with my dad. I know she wants us to be well, but I think a lot of it is simply due to the fact that she just wants to live this great life without the burden of helping her son and daughter-in-law with basic survival stuff, like bringing us groceries. She's not an evil person but she's definitely a narcissist, and I feel very sorry for my husband when it comes to this... I definitely get the feeling that she just wants a happy son who's physically and mentally healthy, not so much for his sake, but for hers. The whole thing just makes me feel really icky.



That's so fucked up, I'm so sorry. My dad said something similar to me a few years ago: "Just kill yourself already! Don't *try*, just fucking do it!" is the gist of it. He then got up my ass about me not finishing my degree. Regardless of how exasperated or at a loss a parent might be, it's a terrible thing to say and it doesn't excuse it. It feels so bad and definitely does a lot of damage to hear a parent say something like that. I read about this kind of stuff being said by parents a lot over here, and it makes me so sad. It shouldn't be like that.
This has brought me to tears, because you get what I'm saying and also because of how fucked up that is for your dad to say. Really wish I could hug you or something

I mean I do.. I'm sure others do too

Thank you

 

[insomuchpain316]

WELL P

WELL

View attachment 74019

WELL PUT!!!!

 

[again_noidea]

My experience is that the people who love you care deeply about your experience. But i'm afraid that most humans do not really care. Although i care about everyone i meet, if i can be helpful to alivate their pain, i try my best as long as i can sustain it with my energy. The thing is, that most people need to help themselves and often people are stucked in their behavioral patterns, and they can't get out of them despite the fact that they suffer their repetition. change is difficult.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

People say they care ... They say they'll help, tell you need it. Say they'll listen, tell you talk. Say they're there for you, until you show up.

When you're gone they'll say it again. That they cared, they were there for you, there to help you, there to listen ...

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Speaking about my parents. They cared. Didn't make a difference. They kept on forcing me to change, I kept on hurting them because I couldn't change.
They cared, but their methods were all wrong. They kept on fixing me instead of accepting me. They care still and I care too. But all we do is hurt each other.

 

[TheHatedOne]

No one cares about my existence... it's ok.

 

[Chockles]

I never felt good enough all my life to my mum. I didn't know then I had mild adhd & autism tho neither did she so it was always a difficult relationship. As I became physically ill 6 years ago I always felt she never believed me. It was like she didn't want her friends knowing her daughter was disabled so I tended to mask how ill i was & recover later. Now I'm beyond help & bed ridden staying with them she hugs me a lot, cries, tells me she loves me now that her & dad know I want to die she is finally showing the empathy I've craved for years. They do both support my need to die to end my suffering so it's very difficult as there's so much trauma from the past relationship difficulties yet no time to build bridges yet being with them at least I now know they do love me they just didn't show it in a way I understood until it was too late. Theybe given me everything i needed financially over the years but i just craved affection. Now I feel guilty & regret not spending more quality time with them getting to know them better before it became too late. My anxiety is through the roof now too as I get closer to ctb but wishing I weren't so physically ill & could spend more quality time with them.

 

[Circles]

Nobody cares as much as you want them to care about you. It's like chasing a dragon that'll never be caught. Ultimately 'love' is shallow and disappointing. But I sure as shit wish I was wrong. :/

 

[Manaaja]

Nah no human, but I care about myself.

 

[Shadowplay]

Speaking about my parents. They cared. Didn't make a difference. They kept on forcing me to change, I kept on hurting them because I couldn't change.
They cared, but their methods were all wrong. They kept on fixing me instead of accepting me. They care still and I care too. But all we do is hurt each other.

Oooft. Similar for me. Various people care about me, but they can't make me happy hence me tryna CTB.

 

[CogitoMori]

How many people actually care about how you feel? Like *actually* care. My mother is extremely sweet and loving and kind but I think that she wants what is best for me just so that she can gossip about me to her friends in the workplace. The only reason why she wants me to be happy is because she wants to be a mom with a "happy son" and a happy family, but not because she actually wants *me* to BE happy, or cares about how I feel. You know? And if my mom doesn't care then no one really does. I'm thinking this way because people in my life often respond with anger and frustration when I'm at a particularly low point instead of empathy

Women put high emphasis on the image of their husbands and children, because other women will judge them based on their family rather than as an individual. Women dress for other women, this is why they control what thei husbands and children wear. Other children and husbands won't generally care about that kind of thing, but matriarchs will. It's toxic femininity wherein women compete with each other based on how "perfect" their family is. "Don't wear that or you'll be bullied," is really just them saying, "I'm afraid of people judging me and you will embarass me."