Discussion Does anyone else do this or know what it is called?

[Nightglimmer]

Whenever I am feeling very suicidal, but will not allow myself to kill myself in that moment, I do a thing I call 'practicing'. Basically what it is, is I practice the actions of ctb but in a way that prevents myself from dying.

For example: I have overdosed slightly, just to see how it would feel to have some of the effects and how the process would go; I have partially suspended myself however whenever I felt like I was about to pass out, go back up for air; I have breathed in as much water as I possibly could without drowning; I have stood on the ledge of a building to see how it would feel before I would jump; etc.

I haven't ever heard of anyone doing this besides me. Is there anyone on this forum who does this or knows if it's even a thing some suicidal people do and if so does it have a name?

 

[Roger]

Oh yes. I have practiced partial hanging and plastic bag over head. I have spent nights with a noose around my neck.

 

[Azazel]

Yes, I've done this lots of times, and I don't really know why, but it makes me feel better, somehow. I've stood on ledges, looking down, thinking that just one step would end it all, but I would just stay there, looking, without moving. Also, when I can't sleep (which is almost every night), I go to take a walk around my village with a belt tied as a noose around my neck, and I use to scratch my neck and my arms a lot, as if I was cutting them. It's weird, but having this constant "connection" with death and suicide is calming to me. I don't know if there's a name to it, but I find it interesting to know that there are more people doing similar things

 

[hybridtheory]

No I've never thought to do that, is it helpful?

 

[RM5998]

Yep, been there. I used to cut with my blunt kitchen knife to make sure that the cuts hurt without having to go deep. And I've practised partial quite a few times now.

No I've never thought to do that, is it helpful?

It could be. The first time I successfully tested out partial, I felt this surge of power in knowing that I could die whenever I wanted to. And although I chickened out when the time for the real thing came along, I still feel this adrenaline rush when I come back after having been unconscious.

 

[hybridtheory]

Yep, been there. I used to cut with my blunt kitchen knife to make sure that the cuts hurt without having to go deep. And I've practised partial quite a few times now.


It could be. The first time I successfully tested out partial, I felt this surge of power in knowing that I could die whenever I wanted to. And although I chickened out when the time for the real thing came along, I still feel this adrenaline rush when I come back after having been unconscious.

Think I might have to try it

 

[Righttodie]

I don't know what the term would be for it but it's a simple psychological phenomenon.

By being close to what will bring you to an end which you are after, it gives a feel good factor. In a sense that you finally can feel that all this can end by just a certain action.

It gives you a feeling of control which your life may have been devoid of.
And control is what's making you feel good, that you can control all the things making you feel bad by doing something that will end it.

So your brain will get it's survival instinct and not go through with the deed itself because it doesn't feel the need to when it gets the sense that it has control over everything.
That's you, just on the edge but not going through with it

 

[Weems]

Whenever I am feeling very suicidal, but will not allow myself to kill myself in that moment, I do a thing I call 'practicing'. Basically what it is, is I practice the actions of ctb but in a way that prevents myself from dying.

For example: I have overdosed slightly, just to see how it would feel to have some of the effects and how the process would go; I have partially suspended myself however whenever I felt like I was about to pass out, go back up for air; I have breathed in as much water as I possibly could without drowning; I have stood on the ledge of a building to see how it would feel before I would jump; etc.

I haven't ever heard of anyone doing this besides me. Is there anyone on this forum who does this or knows if it's even a thing some suicidal people do and if so does it have a name?

Pretty much everyone rehearses from what I've read.

 

[lotus11]

yessss...i thought i was the only one. Tying a rope around my neck to see how it feels etc...

 

[cornflowerblue]

Whenever I am feeling very suicidal, but will not allow myself to kill myself in that moment, I do a thing I call 'practicing'. Basically what it is, is I practice the actions of ctb but in a way that prevents myself from dying.

For example: I have overdosed slightly, just to see how it would feel to have some of the effects and how the process would go; I have partially suspended myself however whenever I felt like I was about to pass out, go back up for air; I have breathed in as much water as I possibly could without drowning; I have stood on the ledge of a building to see how it would feel before I would jump; etc.

I haven't ever heard of anyone doing this besides me. Is there anyone on this forum who does this or knows if it's even a thing some suicidal people do and if so does it have a name?

The mental health term is "rehearsing"

 

[Partial-Elf]

I do this with partial every so often just to make sure I've still "got it." A few times I've probably gotten a little too close. I also sometimes find myself practicing knots with strings or cords I come into contact with