Does anyone else feel like life's difficulties and traumas have make you weaker instead of stronger?

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

My therapist has told me that maybe all that I've been through could eventually make me stronger, and I don't feel like that's possible, at least in an immediate future.

I realized that all the trauma I've been through and my chronic pain condition I've had for the last ten years have actually made me weaker. I used to be a completely different person. Sometimes I feel like I'm fatally wounded by all of it already and I'm bleeding to death all this time waiting to die.

Does anyone else feel similar?

 

[Wormfood]

yes. I feel like a dog hit by a car murmuring waiting for death

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Some experiences have made me stronger, others much weaker. Mostly I'm just tired.

I think a moderate amount of suffering from time to time can be beneficial, but I've suffered far too much without enough positives to make the suffering worthwhile.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yep, all of the pain that life has caused me has made me weaker, not stronger. Though I personally never wanted to participate in life to begin with

 

[Kavka]

Yes, and I think every study on negative life experiences show a correlation with negative outcomes later in life. This is also my personal experience, although some negative experiences have made me trust my own abilities and thinking a little more. So maybe that is a silver lining.

People just love an inspiring hero's journey, where every negative life experience has a greater meaning and is a valuable lesson. This doesn't mean that your therapist is wrong, because it is of course possible that it will make you stronger eventually, but there is also a real possibility that it won't.

 

[Tesha]

Absolutely. My therapist likes the line - "you may not be the person you were, you may be different now, but you can learn to embrace the new you". Er, no. I actually liked who I was before thanks… I don't want to be this hyper vigilant, anxious, ineffectual piece of shit who's affected by flashbacks from childhood abuse.

 

[lost_ange1]

I feel similar. Though i still think what your therapist said is true. If you manage to work through your traumas, get emotionally and mentally over them and can let them in the past you will be stronger than before. It will take long though, it's a process, a difficult one.

 

[Dot]

Absolutely. My therapist likes the line - "you may not be the person you were, you may be different now, but you can learn to embrace the new you". Er, no. I actually liked who I was before thanks… I don't want to be this hyper vigilant, anxious, ineffectual piece of shit who's affected by flashbacks from childhood abuse.

Psychlgst sd simlr t/ slf

'U cld adjst t/ ur nw realty'

Slf nw realty = as a mute wh/ cnnt refr t/ slf in 1st persn & cnnt lk @ own reflctn or hnd-writng or wtch tv or listn t/ musc amng myriad of othr thngs

 

[Deleted member 8119]

I don't know what people doesn't want to understand that trauma and abuse don't have a good effect in your mind, like, you wouldn't say someone who lost a limb that "leaving a weak part behind, their body will regenerate stronger" or some BS like that.

Trauma is an injury, but on the mind. Sometimes, you learn from it, and sometimes, you don't. Not everything is curable. IDK, looks pretty simple to me. ‍♂

 

[Schnipsel]

Yeah, definitely. I can't watch anything more emotionally demanding than children's shows alone nowadays without having a near breakdown, because it's just too much for me. (weirdly the only other thing is hurt/no comfort fics).

I can't handle stress without resorting to "yeeting", I can't handle people fighting around me without just starting to cry, I can't stand the thought of people being mad at me (which they often it later turns out never wore, i was just imagining it again) and will do the wildest shit because of that. I have so little energy/spoons I can barely take care of myself often times.

EDIT: I always appreciate recommendations for "emotionally easy" (e.g. fluff, comfy stuff, etc.) books or shows. :3

 

[etherealgoddess]

My therapist has told me that maybe all that I've been through could eventually make me stronger, and I don't feel like that's possible, at least in an immediate future.

I realized that all the trauma I've been through and my chronic pain condition I've had for the last ten years have actually made me weaker. I used to be a completely different person. Sometimes I feel like I'm fatally wounded by all of it already and I'm bleeding to death all this time waiting to die.

Does anyone else feel similar?

Honestly, I had a really shit position for years, but I'm finally making it out of the rubble. I think this statement has really been a big thing: you can only see the stars when you're in the dark. When I had everything for granted, I didn't appreciate it. But now that I'm rebuilding, not only do I appreciate it more but overcoming that resistance made me stronger so at some point when I finally break even with the resistance, I'll have a lot more momentum to soar higher after. I think we all run into obstacles. It's just we've happened to sooner. ALSO: disclosure, this will NOT apply to everyone because I am an able-bodied person with certain privileges many people don't have.

 

[Red Moon]

Bad experiences and traumas weakened me mentally to the point of being suicidal and on this website. It just chips away at your mental state and I can't just forget or have resilience for everything because it doesn't work like that.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I know they have. Bad experiences have only ever led to bad outcomes that repeat themselves any time I'm reminded of them.

 

[sugarb]

My therapist has told me that maybe all that I've been through could eventually make me stronger, and I don't feel like that's possible, at least in an immediate future.

I realized that all the trauma I've been through and my chronic pain condition I've had for the last ten years have actually made me weaker. I used to be a completely different person. Sometimes I feel like I'm fatally wounded by all of it already and I'm bleeding to death all this time waiting to die.

Does anyone else feel similar?

I'm "stronger" in the sense that I can deal with those same difficulties and trauma if they arise again better due to experience but overall I'm much worse off. Sort of like getting shot in the kneecap; if it happens again you'd know what to expect and ways of dealing with it but you're also crippled and will still probably feel it and be grievously injured

 

[eatantz]

I've become an oversensitive cry-baby, everything upsets me and I'm weak mentally.

 

[Felodese]

If this was true, and me having been depressed since childhood, I aught to have superhuman powers by now....
Trauma, mental illness, and just a shitload of emotional pain has not made me strong.
Also the concept of becoming stronger than before by going through trauma really doesn't apply to those of us who don't really have a "before". I mean, what am I supposed to compare it to, wheather I'm stronger than I was when I was four years old..?
And since the depression is chronic and I don't really see how I would be able to truly "recover" - plus the fact that 95% of the time I just want to ctb and be done with it all, rather than spending an enormous amout of time and effort on getting a tiny bit better - I very much doubt I will have an "after" to comepare my 4 year old "strength" with...

 

[cryone]

for sure. i think trauma can certainly make a person stronger, but that's if the person was already strong to begin with. difficulties can help a person, but only in regulation where they don't snowball. insecurities and a miserable homelife only led to severe suicidal ideation for yrs. ive kind of healed, but i doubt i can ever be how i was before. and before wasn't even that good either, lmao.

 

[zaza23]

Tbh I am fed up of people telling me it made me stronger. It didn't. My brain tolerated what was happening because I was too traumatised to process it. I continued to crack on with life because my brain was too overwhelmed to process the trauma. By a certain age your body can't cope and it all comes spilling out in mental breakdowns, diagnoses, physical conditions that can be accelerated by stress and chronic fatigue. It did not make me stronger. It gave me unhealthy coping mechanisms and in a constant cycle of some form of what-level-of-insanity-am-i-at-today mental breakdowns. Not stronger, just bloody exhausted

 

[Ihoujin]

Not necessairly stronger but I embraced humility. Hardships, traumas and suffering forced me to surrender my ego, wiped a lot of my desires and dreams. People who abused me in some way were doing me a favor by crushing me. Made me a better human being in a way and I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful I could learn where lied my mistake, for compassion and for realization that without another human being you mean nothing. Yet still I'm full of faults and misdeeds.

 

[m4rius]

I see traumas as giving me a sense of wisdom and experience. Other than that, they're fucking useless.

Trauma leads to behaviors and feelings that are counterproductive to survival. From freezing in emergencies to acting irrationally, avoiding life, and even harming ourselves—trauma can be extremely counterproductive, and very often it is.

Trauma itself has killed so many people through suicide and homicides. The notion that trauma is something we require is laughable, yeah if you're incapable of thinking through things then have your brain be a nanny and remind you. Other than that, our brains are outdated for our modern standards of living; it's not all about finding sustenance and reproducing anymore. There's more to life now besides hunter-gathering. Jesus fuck.

It's too intense, I wish it wasn't.

 

[b_adr]

This definitely does not apply to any physical injuries / medical issues. On the contrary, even after the injury has healed, there is always some scar tissue or other aftermath. In this way, your body accumulates "memories of injuries" (at a cellular level).

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Life requires some friction. Occasionally traumatic events can snap people into awakening to deeper truths in life or their situation and make drastic affirmative life changes. The "D" in PTSD and CPTSD stands for disorder, meaning you're f'd up. It takes immersion in a safe environment to begin healing. And when it comes to CPTSD, it usually entails complex and costly life changes to remove oneself from abusers and sometimes hide ones identity and location plus a lifetime of costly therapy that barely works. And given most peoples economic status, who want's to work so they can then pay to correct the damage done by others?

Our society likes to fetishize trauma survivors. "Look at all the amputees playing wheel chair basketball, how dare you feel sorry for yourself". Or there's always that motivational speaker that tells their story of tragedy and triumph closing with "...and it was all worth it in the end." These are rare exceptions in my opinion. Once the maladaptive thinking and behavior sets in, it's very hard to transcend.

 

[rosepanda]

Yes. I feel extremely weak compared to my old self. I crumble so easily now and I struggle to control my emotions the way I used to. I cry extremely easily now and I rarely ever cried in the past.

 

[newlifeimmigration]

I think people can actually withstand a lot of abuse and still end up relatively fine as long as they're cared for and supported. So if someone has something horrible happen to them, but they have the resources to heal and the people around them acknowledge the pain and that it was a horrible thing that happened, then that can be a source of insight and make a person stronger. If trauma happens repeatedly though and/or without any intervention then it reinforced all sorts of horrible messages. And I don't think people who haven't experienced that weakness understand what it's like, they think it's the same as regular hardships.
I feel so extremely weak that I feel like I'm dead already. I can't do anything anymore. I was repeatedly traumatized and abused for like 3 years and nobody did anything even when I asked for help. It didnt make me a better person at all it just made me want to die, and it's so deeply ingrained in my head that I deserve to suffer. Every time something small happens I just freak out because I know it doesn't matter and that nobody will help me. A restaurant is too loud, and nobody helped me when I needed it. A creepy older coworker hits on me, and nobody will help me. I get sent death threats, and I deserve it. It goes on like this all the time.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I have PTSD and it makes me weaker, I can't handle everyday things as well as others. There's triggers everywhere...
On the other hand, I also don't care about "small setbacks" because I feel like I've already experienced the worst. So it depends on how you look at it

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

I didn't have any traumas but I'm definitely weaker than I used to be…. Never thought it was possible considering how weak I've always been…. I think traumas and such can make people stronger and sometimes they just break people. I really think it depends on a person. Resilient people tend to bounce back…. I think

 

[kyhoti]

I feel the OP deep in my bones. I'm so tired of getting knocked down, or just stumbling & falling. Literally and figuratively. I take a deep breath and try to wring out another scrap of joy out of the bag.

 

[illusive sweets]

trauma made me stronger in the wrong way (and weak af some how ) , I can't have normal relationships without messing the other person up.

I'm always on alert and an overachiever, I know I could do almost anything I put my mind to but the motivation is none existent. The burn outs I get are horrible. I'm not a real person anymore, I don't have any values everything I feel is just ramped up to maximum to fill out how empty I am from my trauma. My emotions confuse me I can't tell if I feel everything or nothing.

Trauma sucks :(

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Yeah. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is kind of bullshit if you don't have something you can fall back on to while you recover.