I feel extremely mentally ill because of certain things that i like, there are things i haven't confessed to a soul (and feel too embarrassed to even confess here) because people would find it extremely weird and unsettling. I honestly feel horrible because of it and i want to know if anyone else feels the same way. Just by doing nothing I'm seen as crazy anyway, i think there's something incredibly messed up about me. My psychiatrist told me that she'll have to put me in a hospital if i cut again or she'll call my school, a new psychologist i tried out said to think of it like a illness and to tell my mom for help. I don't get it. I've never had anyone take me seriously before. In fact i adore my psychiatrist because she treated me like a simple patient, she was like a detective Interrogating a person and she got me to trust her before cornering me which made me incredibly happy. I'm happy that I'm treated as someone unstable for once despite always having people talk behind my back that I'm weird, all of them still treat me like a person but not my psychiatrist. I adore it, i adore it so much. So much so that i didn't cut myself just as she told me to because i wanted to see if she'll check my body before starting to cut again. It's like I'm playing chess instead of playing cards all by myself, this is way more fun. I get to choose when to behave instead of always having to behave, I'm seen as average and i secretly adore it. What a pathetic and saddening thing to feel, i feel happy because I'm actually getting help for once instead of hearing "you're aware so better yourself" because I've tried and it doesn't work. Something is wrong, something is truly wrong. God, i want to bang my head to a wall. Just something is wrong with me, it's wrong. Does anyone else feel this way? Is there anyone else who is expected to be a person despite everything working against them? Is there anyone else here that's expected to be smart too despite sucking deep inside?
Last edited:
