Discussion Does anyone else just never do what they need/want to do and instead just give up immediately and declare it over instead?

[coolgal82]

I do this for basically every issue and i hate it. like any time i feel bad about something i dont try and fix it i just go "why bother i cant do it its not worth it it wont work"
i both love it and hate it. like it definitely works out well in some ways but overall i just hate it and it stops me solving any of my issues or developing/working on myself

like for example i recognise that im a bad person in many ways and hate myself but i do literally nothing to fix it? partially cus im like "it wont work its not worth it" (and partially cus they benefit me and i dont get that one either like i hate myself every time and i still do stuff?)

also like i recognise im a terrible friend and have breakdowns over it constantly and yet i do nothing to make myself better because my mind is just so fixed on the fact that i literally just cannot be one so why bother trying?

i could add more examples but like idk. im just like this about so many things and i hate it and also i just do not understand why my brain works like this. like i love my bestie and if she left me i would kill myself and yet i do nothing to prevent it because i've already just decided that it's inevitable and i cant do anything so why even bother? it'd likely just accelerate the process so i will just do nothing until it happens and inevitably when it happens it'll be bad and i know that and i would do literally anything to avoid it in theory atleast but in practice i just do nothing because i just don't believe it would work and also i kinda deserve it.

i just kinda let things happen to me and like deal with it and i hate it so much and i hate it and i dont get why im like this? it makes no logical sense for me to be like this

 

[kitia973]

Sounds like me with some of my schoolwork...

But speaking seriously, I can relate and I don't think it's an entirely awful mindset to have. While it can make you feel helpless, sometimes its best just to lower one's expectations of reality. Whatever happens, happens. Lower expectations equals lower disappointment, after all.
Personally, I believe life to be meaningless, so trying to fight anything would also be meaningless. Sometimes just going with the flow can help me get through the day, not to mention it reduces stress as well.

 

[bbeb0bc7b]

Story of my life. There are only two or three things i can remember that i was actually able to pull through with, and they were mostly bc i thought it was fun and i didn't have to motivate myself to do it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can't do what I want to do bc of a lack of money.

If someone suggests sth that I could do to "earn money" I either reject it bc it's not feasible or bc I would fail anyway (kinda fear of failure). I give up on things bc they'll fail anyway. But that's probably a different situation to yours.

like for example i recognise that im a bad person in many ways and hate myself but i do literally nothing to fix it? partially cus im like "it wont work its not worth it" (and partially cus they benefit me and i dont get that one either like i hate myself every time and i still do stuff?)

Unless you find an answer to why you hate yourself you probably won't find a solution. Although I'm a failure and I failed big in life I don't hate myself for that. I don't know how self-hatred feels at all although I made many mistakes in my life. I could hate myself for so many things that from today's POV I did wrong but I can't hate myself. It's just bad luck that's it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder if it's still a choice in a way. So, my life might be better if I was more social. But, being social prickles my social anxiety and, I don't actually suffer with loneliness that much so- I've come to the conclusion, I'd prefer to take the easier option and stay alone. Plus, experience has made me distrust friendship.

I guess it's always going to be probabilities we are dealing with. There's no guarantee any of our friends will stay with us. There's also a possibility that some will remain friends with us no matter how unpleasant we get!

If I'm honest, from what I can perceive from your posts, this is just as much about the effect it's having on you though. It seems like you'll do something you (may already?) realise you'll regret. Then, you'll obsess over whether you've pushed people too far, whether you'll lose them. They may not even realise that or, it may lead you (I imagine) to trying to get reassurance from them a lot (?) In any case though, it's putting you through emotional turmoil each time. So, I think you also have to work out whether that is worth it. (Not meaning to criticize you for being obsessive. I am too.)

The thing I would compare it to with me was limerence. Limerence absolutely had it's highs. But overall, I recognised it was screwing me up so, I put in a lot of effort to put a stop to it.

I think you also have to question whether you really mean the self sabotaging thing as in- I deserve to lose my friends. I think actually, you'd hate that more than anything else. I don't know if you'd deserve it though. I think some people are very critical of themselves. It's always hard to judge when people describe themselves as 'bad'- whether they really are.

If you truly think you are 'bad' though, I guess you then have to decide- do you enjoy being like that? What is it giving you? Is it just an expression of how you're feeling or, is there real mallice there? It comes down the most to whether you want to change I think. If you don't then, you probably either need to bite your tongue at times or, just hope your friends accept it. If you do want to change, I imagine you need to work out what triggers this behaviour. Not that I'm a psychologist but I guess- the feelings driving it. I'm guessing insecurity? Most of the situations you've described have involved fear of losing friendships.

For me, it's lethargy, lazyness and a feeling of 'what's the point?' that stops me doing stuff I should. For me, it's practical things. Once again, I began tidying this morning but, I already hate it so, I'm back here procrastinating. The advantages for me are clear. It would be nicer to live in a cleaner, tidier environment. I actually know it would make me feel better. However, I'm very capable of putting up with mess. Maybe I also don't feel I deserve an immaculate environment. So yeah, self sabotage is weird. I still see it as a balance though. I hate domestic crap more than I like living in a nice environment.

Are your friends aware do you think of how much all this gets to you?

 

[Anon_Guy]

Totally me

 

[Forveleth]

I did this until two years ago. I was 38, fat, no hobbies, spent my life living for everyone else. I realized that I could have gotten so far if I had gotten my ass in gear and just done something. It does not have to be big, it does not have to be all at once. So now I try to do something small every day. I have started new hobbies and even if I only spend 5 minutes working on them each day, those minutes add up.

I am still planning to CTB at some point but at least I am now keeping myself entertained until I do.